‘don’t bother coming if nobody can hold the baby’

[nina3638]

basically my family are having an outdoor get together tomorrow. they’re having the maximum 30 people over in the garden and i said i’ll come but not passing my 9 week baby around as i just think that’s too many people passing her about. she’s only had one set of jabs nevermind covid or anything else.

i said to my grandma i’m not going to pass her around and she said ‘well __ will want to hold her, she loves babies you have to let her hold her’ i said no cause i can’t let one person and say no to everyone else who wants to, that looks rude. and she said well don’t bother coming.

so is this all i’m good for now? nobody wants to just say hi and catch up with me anymore, i’m only worth coming if i’ll pass my baby around?

I wouldn’t be taking a baby to such a large event much less letting people get close. Covid cases are rising and every instinct in me would want to protect my baby as much as possible

Maybe just leave the baby at home? Can the dad look after him/her for a few hours?

Why don’t you go alone?

That's awful 😔 I'd not go and when asked why, explain what was said and how it made you feel. I wouldnt be passing my baby around either x

Your grandma is very rude. I wouldn’t particularly want to be around her anyway.

Well with that attitude, I wouldn't go.

But to be more diplomatic, you'd have to go without the baby and not stay too long, and do not say, above all, why the baby is not present!

I wouldn't go after she said that tbh (If it's your grandmother hosting, obviously if she isn't hosting then she can't tell you not to come anyway)

Sorry, it's horrible to feel that nobody cares about you anymore, I remember that feeling.

Don't go, people will harass you to hand baby over and you'll either cave and feel horrible or refuse and create an atmosphere and have horrible texts about it from different people.

Been there, done that.

The thing is though, get used to it. Even your own parents will only see you as the baby appendage for a while. I think all new mothers experience this to some degree.

It's hard at the time but you will look back and laugh.

i can’t go without the baby as i’m breastfeeding and when i pump i get absolutely nothing because she feeds so frequently. just upset me a bit as there’s family members who live right at the other end of the country coming so i’d like to go and catch up but not if i’m going to be made to feel awkward for not passing her around :s

She told you not to come , so don't.
I would put my baby at risk , or myself frankly.
She has shown you her true colours. Believe her.

How far away is it? At nine weeks, my babies could happily stay with DH for an hour or so.

If you don’t want to be apart from your baby though, that’s fine and you don’t need to make an excuse for that.

oh and it’s not her hosting it’s a different relative. but the different relative is the one i mentioned in the original post who absolutely ‘must’ hold the baby

i'm sorry @nina3638, that sounds like a really tough position to be in. it's pretty crap that after so long in lockdown, you're feeling that people only want you for the baby cuddles.
i'd probably suggest turning up with the baby in a sling, and not removing them for any reason!

I would just reply "well if that's all I'm good for now, we won't be coming" and then leave it for her to contact you.

I wouldn't worry about being nice, she wasn't worried about being nice to you.

Just go alone for a few hours. It would be good for your mental wellbeing to leave her for a bit - there's no need to be surgically attached!

Would not ! Typo

Maybe take baby in a sling so no one can take her off you, and only go for an hour. Ignore your grandma, she is beyond rude

Second the babywearing suggestion. They can’t just pick her up out of the pram then.

Although if you’re worried about Covid you’re more likely to catch it yourself and then pass it onto the baby, than the baby catching it.

Or could your partner take a book and stay in car with baby - if anyone asks baby is sleeping and you don’t want to disturb

Ignore your grandma. She doesn't have the authority to tell you not to go, and I'm sure the rest of your family would be appalled if they knew she was trying to stop you from coming.

Just go, and say that with the numbers and the possible increased severity of the new variant, you've been advised not to pass DC around. Maybe people will be a tad disappointed, but not as disappointed as they would be if they didn't see you both at all.

@nina3638

oh and it’s not her hosting it’s a different relative. but the different relative is the one i mentioned in the original post who absolutely ‘must’ hold the baby

I'd contact her and say I'm excited to come but as I'm sure you understand I'm planning on keeping baby Fred with me as she's so young. Am I still welcome as gran suggested you didn't want me unless you could hold Fred

Can you go wearing your baby in a sling? Harder to pass over that way. Also assuming your partner is going, get them to support you.

I completely understand how you feel but it would be a shame to miss out on seeing everyone else.

I wouldn’t bother going after that comment

My daughter is going to ask close family to take a covid test before visiting and holding her newborn. We are all more than happy to do that. Would that work for you?