‘don’t bother coming if nobody can hold the baby’

[nina3638]

basically my family are having an outdoor get together tomorrow. they’re having the maximum 30 people over in the garden and i said i’ll come but not passing my 9 week baby around as i just think that’s too many people passing her about. she’s only had one set of jabs nevermind covid or anything else.

i said to my grandma i’m not going to pass her around and she said ‘well __ will want to hold her, she loves babies you have to let her hold her’ i said no cause i can’t let one person and say no to everyone else who wants to, that looks rude. and she said well don’t bother coming.

so is this all i’m good for now? nobody wants to just say hi and catch up with me anymore, i’m only worth coming if i’ll pass my baby around?

Covid or no covid I don't think it's a good idea to pass a 9 week old around thirty people.

It is up to you but with comments like this and self entitled family members, then I would stay away for the sake of your baby.

@supersonicsue

My daughter is going to ask close family to take a covid test before visiting and holding her newborn. We are all more than happy to do that. Would that work for you?

🙄🤦🏼‍♀️😆

Yanbu. Babies are not pass the parcel. Wear a sling.

I still feel quite sad when I look back 14yrs at how DS was passed around while I was left to make tea. Didn't let it happen with dc2.

[quote StormcloakNord]@AryaStarkWolf in which case I'd be sending a message round to everyone just saying I was excited to see them all but just wanted to mention due to lack of vacc's and COVID that I wouldn't be passing the baby around, then take it from there. [/quote]
🤣🤣 You cannot be serious! You'd have every guest eye rolling in unison at the sheer self importance of it!
I fully understand OP not wanting to let people hold the baby but to make an official announcement like the bloody Queen is frankly, loopy 🤣

@Holly60

Maybe take baby in a sling so no one can take her off you, and only go for an hour. Ignore your grandma, she is beyond rude

I was going to say this too!

You cannot be serious! You'd have every guest eye rolling in unison at the sheer self importance of it!
I fully understand OP not wanting to let people hold the baby but to make an official announcement like the bloody Queen is frankly, loopy

Yeah I'd probably contact the host just because granny told her not to come and mentioned her specifically but definitely wouldn't send a message to everyone , that's a bit much and a bit cringey

Go. Then when asked just say "No i'm not comfortable with that at this stage. We are not at the hugging stage just yet. We are still being cautious - perhaps overly cautious but I'd rather do that and not worry so much as I have enough to be anxious about as a new Mum anyway"

If you get whinged at say "I'm sorry, but you are being difficult and not respecting my boundaries".

Followed by the obligatory "Tough shit. I'm not into emotional blackmail thanks" if they still are pushy.

Just learn to be assertive and that 'no' is a complete sentence. You don't HAVE to do something you don't want to. So don't. Let them pull faces and bitch if they want.

Its others people's problem not yours. Don't cut your nose off to spite your face because your gran has a mard on.

@SkodaKodiaq op knows her family and knows if everyone is likely to ask for a cuddle. If you've got a family like that a mass announcement is easier than having to repeat it 16 times! And what's wrong with people taking a covid test before they snuggle a small baby? My best friend and I both did lateral flows before meeting up and ours are 9 months and 18 months

Why can't you just go and tell everyone you're not passing her around.

That's so easy to do.

Your baby, your choice. Is your Gran always that nasty? I’m with you btw

@Bluntness100

Well she’s told you the rules, either go and let them hold the baby or don’t go. So don’t go. I’d not be handing round my baby either. So I’m with you on that.

Rules? Don't be daft and I know you aren't usually, but granny doesn't get to dictate.

Take a large box of face masks, several bottles of hand sanitizer and a solid tape measure. Insist that everyone stays a metre away from you and baby. They’ll be a lot less keen to want to hold the baby if you insist on them wearing face masks!

Don't feel pressured into this. This is your baby and your rules. If you allowed this, you would be worried, it's not worth it.
You're the parent, you make the rules and people will need to respect that.
I'd have second thoughts about going, if you do stick to your guns. Their "want" for holding a baby does not take over your wishes as a mother. I've found people only think about their own agenda with this kind of thing.
I'd take and run with her "don't bother coming" comment. Fine by me. 30 people is a lot to be around anyway if you're cautious of covid with a newborn.

Don't go

sorted 🌸

@BlueButtercups

Don't go

sorted 🌸

But op wants to go, why she should be bullied out by a relative being a dick?

Bring your partner and have them be the "bad guy". For some reason if i say my OH is uncomfortable with baby being held due to the pandemic it's respected whereas as I would be seen as being silly and precious. My mum always respects my OH's view because he's a man and not me.
You can also chuck in that they've been really really poorly with a cold.

Sounds like passing the parcel! Your family are saying you are of no value without a parcel to pass? With relatives like that I would stay away.

But op wants to go, why she should be bullied out by a relative being a dick?

Go then 🙄

Tell your gm it’s not her place to uninvite you.
Go, because if you don’t then horrible grandma has won and it will be more difficult to be assertive in the future.

This is the first time you are putting boundaries in place, do it with aplomb.

Forget about Covid
I never allowed my baby to be handed around like box of chocolates
Thankfully friends and family are loving and kind and didn’t even think that handing a baby around like this was appropriate either.
And we don’t do for any of friends and family babies either

Covid? Meh. That’s certainly wouldn’t be my reason. But could come in handy for an excuse if a friend or family was a bit insistent

@supersonicsue

My daughter is going to ask close family to take a covid test before visiting and holding her newborn. We are all more than happy to do that. Would that work for you?

Really?! Jeezo.

I wouldn't judge 29 other people by one person. Id go if i wanted to and stand my ground and leave if it got nasty. Id then cut those people out. I wouldnt be speaking about things that are your decisions ahead of time with gradnma ahain, why give her the chance to ruin something?

@BlueButtercups

But op wants to go, why she should be bullied out by a relative being a dick?

Go then 🙄

You're not helping anyone!

I'm sorry OP. My youngest is nearly 7 but I remember what it was like to go from being pregnant and people asking how you are to suddenly everyone is just interested in the baby. I love holding babies but only with parents permission.