Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘don’t bother coming if nobody can hold the baby’

286 replies

nina3638 · 04/06/2021 14:31

basically my family are having an outdoor get together tomorrow. they’re having the maximum 30 people over in the garden and i said i’ll come but not passing my 9 week baby around as i just think that’s too many people passing her about. she’s only had one set of jabs nevermind covid or anything else.

i said to my grandma i’m not going to pass her around and she said ‘well __ will want to hold her, she loves babies you have to let her hold her’ i said no cause i can’t let one person and say no to everyone else who wants to, that looks rude. and she said well don’t bother coming.

so is this all i’m good for now? nobody wants to just say hi and catch up with me anymore, i’m only worth coming if i’ll pass my baby around?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2021 16:54

@BlueButtercups

But op wants to go, why she should be bullied out by a relative being a dick?

Go then 🙄

Wow, you're just so profoundly helpful l. Have you considered charging for your insight and empathy?
Sometimesfraught82 · 04/06/2021 16:55

Yet another mumsnet thread that I read, reread and then reread and find myself thinking that some might as well live on another planet to me

The idea that a “close” family would actually interact with one another like this is utterly alien to me

BlueButtercups · 04/06/2021 16:56

Wow, you're just so profoundly helpful l. Have you considered charging for your insight and empathy?

She either goes... or doesn't go..

the end 🙄

NewlyGranny · 04/06/2021 16:57

Seconding, thirding and fourthing the suggestions about wearing the baby! You can put her in the sling/scarf, whatever, strainght from the car before going in. If the car is mobbed, stay in it with the doors locked!

If anyone comes too close, shield her with your hand and say, "You can look but not touch, as she has an immature immune system." This has the merit of being perfectly true for any baby her age and nobody wants a baby to get ill. For the pushiest, you might have to say, "Yes, that means you, too, Grandma."

If people persist, just say your goodbyes and leave.

Oh, and call the host and explain what has been said, asking to know whether you're welcome and for reassurance that nobody will force themselves on your baby.

tukanada · 04/06/2021 16:58

Do you have a baby harness? If so go with baby in it.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2021 16:58

@BlueButtercups

Wow, you're just so profoundly helpful l. Have you considered charging for your insight and empathy?

She either goes... or doesn't go..

the end 🙄

Like I said, you should charge for that wisdom. No one else could have figures that out. How DO you do it?
BlueButtercups · 04/06/2021 16:59

Like I said, you should charge for that wisdom. No one else could have figures that out. How DO you do it?

She either goes... or she doesn't go...

the end 🙄

MrMeeseekslookatme · 04/06/2021 17:01

Is this your first baby OP?

Personally, I would go and wouldn't be bother about relatives holding the baby.

DingDongThongs · 04/06/2021 17:02

can you leave baba with MIL? Friend?

DingDongThongs · 04/06/2021 17:03

@MrMeeseekslookatme

Is this your first baby OP?

Personally, I would go and wouldn't be bother about relatives holding the baby.

Have you missed out on the Covid-19 pandemic?
GinAndTonicOnIt · 04/06/2021 17:03

Just give it a miss. Make an excuse like you have a sick bug or something. There will be more get togethers in the future

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2021 17:07

@DingDongThongs

can you leave baba with MIL? Friend?
She's breastfeeding a 9 week old baby
StellaLeonte · 04/06/2021 17:07

I personally LOVE a hold of a baby! But I wouldn’t even ask right now, far less be offended that you’re not comfortable having someone else hold them. Times have changed and we’re in the middle of a pandemic still, you’re right to be careful.

I would say also, your gran isn’t in charge and her comment isn’t helpful. If you’re worried, just say ahead of time to the host that you won’t be passing the baby around and then go and enjoy yourself x I’d also say that not everyone will want to hold a baby anyway, your gran has you overly worried, OP.

a8mint · 04/06/2021 17:08

most people won't care less about holding the baby. People mostly only ask to be polite and pretend to be interested

DingDongThongs · 04/06/2021 17:08

She can express? Use a syringe to avoid nipple confusion?

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2021 17:11

@DingDongThongs

She can express? Use a syringe to avoid nipple confusion?
So rather have have people respect her wishes over her tiny baby who she would actually like them to meet, op should instead have to leave her behind, go to the faff of expressing (I never could manually so I'd have needed a pump) and hope her 9 week old baby will take the milk then cut short the visit before she starts to leak? How ridiculous
Pottedpalm · 04/06/2021 17:13

@Sometimesfraught82

Yet another mumsnet thread that I read, reread and then reread and find myself thinking that some might as well live on another planet to me

The idea that a “close” family would actually interact with one another like this is utterly alien to me

I agree; so much drama!
im2sad · 04/06/2021 17:14

Can you invite the relatives who have traveled a long way to pop over to see you quickly before or after the event so you don't miss out completely?

If you do go a sling is a good idea. In my experience what tends to happen is 1 baby obsessed person will ask to hold the baby and they'll then pass baby on to other people (who as pp said usually only take the baby to be polite). If you say to the baby obsessed person (who sounds like the host) that you will not be letting baby have cuddles due to covid others are unlikely to bother you.

I'v loved having a cuddle with friends baby's but that's when they've been offered to me. Most people do understand about not taking someone else's newborn unless asked.

DingDongThongs · 04/06/2021 17:16

her family don't seem that nice- personally I'd pass.

You can't/couldn't express? What has that issue got to do with this?

Breast-pads?

You do realise OP isn't you?

OP how much do you want to go? Could always make an appearance they have to go as the baby needs you :)

Katyppp · 04/06/2021 17:21

Well OP, if the purpose of your pre-party edict was to be the centre of attention, you can certainly stretch it out longer now, can't you?
I don't understand why you proclaimed - before anyone even broached the subject as far as i can tell - what was going to happen other than be draw attention to your baby and yourself, to be honest.

CokeDrinker · 04/06/2021 17:23

@DingDongThongs

her family don't seem that nice- personally I'd pass.

You can't/couldn't express? What has that issue got to do with this?

Breast-pads?

You do realise OP isn't you?

OP how much do you want to go? Could always make an appearance they have to go as the baby needs you :)

The OP already stated that she can't pump/express because there is nothing there as the baby feeds so frequently.
CokeDrinker · 04/06/2021 17:25

@Katyppp

Well OP, if the purpose of your pre-party edict was to be the centre of attention, you can certainly stretch it out longer now, can't you? I don't understand why you proclaimed - before anyone even broached the subject as far as i can tell - what was going to happen other than be draw attention to your baby and yourself, to be honest.
Perhaps because she has newborn baby and she was worried at this large gathering that people would want a hold and she was being prepared/testing the water to see if her grandma would back her up? How is that 'drawing attention'? OP is just being prepared in this time of pandemic. It's the responsible thing to do.
shouldistop · 04/06/2021 17:26

I wouldn't feel comfortable passing a baby around 30 people anyway and I'm not worried about COVID. When ds1 was a week or 2 old 10 of dh family visited and all had to hold the baby. He was over tired / stimulated and screaming by the time they left and I felt really on edge from seeing him passed around and not handed back when he was crying.

OneMamaAndHerGirl · 04/06/2021 17:32

I know this feeling so well and it’s horrible, sometimes when I turn up without my little girl the first thing people will say is “where’s ” before they even say hello to me. My stepmom used to say all the time “we only want the baby now”

CallMeCleo · 04/06/2021 17:33

"she’s only had one set of jabs nevermind covid"

!!!