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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do? Am I being unreasonable?

228 replies

123KLB · 03/06/2021 09:06

My MIL bought both my daughters these Silver charm Bracelets when they were born. Theyre quite bulky and old fashioned. She keeps buying another charm to add to them every so often. The problem is, personally, I absolutely hate charm bracelets. I do not think they look nice. I’m a very “delicate” kind if Jewellery kind of person. My daughters are only little and too young to wear jewellery yet anyway but my MIL keeps banging on about them all the time..because she has one and she wanted them to have the same.
I realise she has bought them something “special” or she thinks is special but I really get a bit wound up by it. ( bit of extra info- she is a very opinionated, narcissistic lady who never ever listens to anyone, and is very eccentric. She is quite rude and even my husband gets cross and wound up with her alot).
Is it unreasonable of me to have expected my MIL to have run by us what jewellery she was going to buy? I find jewellery a very personal choice. If I ever have grandchildren I know I wouldnt buy them Jewellery without asking my daughters first. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place because my husband thinks i am being ungrateful on this one. I am grateful for the thought...but they are such Ugly bracelets I dont want my girls to ever wear them. I think as well its because they’re like the one she wears and so its so full of importance to HER,( she loves to try and tell me that my children have HER hair colour, HER curly hair, HER flare for singing or acting and that SHE is going to tutor my children in amateur dramatics one day😩). Am I being just weird about the bracelets or does anyone else think its something she should have asked me about first?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 03/06/2021 09:08

Let your children have them. Their tastes might be more like their Granny's. Just because they're your children doesn't mean you gey to choose who or what they like.

ThreeB · 03/06/2021 09:09

You're being utterly unreasonable. She's purchased something special for her granddaughters and the fact that you dislike it is immaterial. It will be up to your daughters if they decide to wear them daily or just for occasions when they are seeing Granny.

Bluntness100 · 03/06/2021 09:10

How old are your daughters?

For me, if they are too young to decide I’d put them on when granny was visiting, or I’d let them decide themselves of old enough

I’d really not pick this hill to die on.

MatildaTheCat · 03/06/2021 09:12

I suspect you are pinning all your frustrations with her on these bracelets. They sound as if they won’t be suitable to be worn by a child until they are quite big anyway? By which time they will have their own opinions on what they want to wear.

Just say thanks and when they are old enough remind them to put them on occasionally for Grandma.

With regards to the rest you’ll unfortunately just have to learn to switch your ears off. She won’t change. Sorry!

LadyFlossieParkingson · 03/06/2021 09:12

Yabu

Your daughters might love them and you will really have no say on what they like

They are going to wear things you dislike as style and fashion evolves anyway

Yabu
Mil is trying to do something nice and sentimental

Rathmobhaile · 03/06/2021 09:13

I think you need to accept a gift of someone else's choosing. In assuming your daughters are going to prefer your taste in jewelry are you not in danger of dismissing other opinions? I don't really see a way of you saying this without it coming across as rude and ungrateful to her. Perhaps it might be a kindness to just thank her, tell her they are too little to wear them except around the house occasionally but you are making sure they are safe for when they are older. Then when they are older they can make up their own minds of whether they like the bracelets or not. But even if they don't perhaps they might like to just have them - knowing someone went to the bother and effort of getting them.

RestrictedSection · 03/06/2021 09:14

YABU. Your daughters may or may not like the bracelets when they’re old enough to wear them, but either way they now have a special keepsake bought just for them by their grandmother.

ScrollingLeaves · 03/06/2021 09:15

I think it is unfortunate that you don’t like them, but as they are not for you, you should stop thinking about them.

They are a gift to the girls from their grandmother and in years to come the very fact that they do reflect her character will be one of the important aspects about these bracelets.

It is also a rather traditional gift that many other people have cherished especially as the charms give a memory of every year she gives one.

When they are older, the girls can decide for themselves. Meanwhile it would be a nice gesture/ good manners if the girls wear them on special occasions when they see her.

Ughmaybenot · 03/06/2021 09:15

YABU. This isn’t about you, and your relationship with your MIL, and even less again about your personal taste in jewellery.
Just keep the bracelets safe and if your daughters choose to wear them when they’re older, wonderful. If they don’t, well that’s fine too, but they’ll be able to choose that for themselves.

ELCSPlease · 03/06/2021 09:15

This isn't about the bracelets is it?

They're neither here nor there really, your daughters might never wear them but will still have something sentimental to keep.

Jewellery is a gift like any other, I'd never expect people to check with me for any or everything little thing they may buy my DC.

Although I'd like if they all stopped buying play doh

DeathStare · 03/06/2021 09:16

You are being completely unreasonable and rather controlling - I think your general irritation towards your MIL is clouding your judgement. Many grandparents do exactly this - it's a nice gesture and jewellery they can keep when they are older. It doesn't matter one jot what your tastes are - these are for your daughters not you.

However if you don't like them wearing them now you wouldn't be unreasonable to tell MIL that you have put them away for a couple of years (I''m not sure how old your daughters are - I assume toddlers?) so that they don't get lost or broken.

kittie01 · 03/06/2021 09:16

She bought a gift for your children and shouldn’t have to run it by you first unless it’s an animal IMO. I have a mil like that and I’d pick my battles. Maybe put the bracelet on when she’s over. When she’s dead and gone your girls will most likely look back and think fondly of her.

Tiktokersmiracle · 03/06/2021 09:16

You sound really ungrateful and snobbish
So what if you don't like them? I think it's a lovely tradition to buy a new charm each year as they grow up. Even if they don't end up wearing them, it's a nice thing to have of granny for when she is no longer there.

Honestly, you really do sound hard work. You say your MIL is narcissistic but you come across that way in your OP!

ravelston · 03/06/2021 09:16

YABU
"I don't want my daughters to wear them" this is not really your choice, these bracelets are your daughters and it is up to them if they wish to wear them, nobody is asking you to wear it.

rollonsummeryay · 03/06/2021 09:17

YABU. Read it back and look at the way your coming across. This isn't a MIL problem.

Sally872 · 03/06/2021 09:17

Unless it is a gift that is massive to store and will take up a lot of living space I don't expect grandparents to run any gift by me.

Charm bracelet is a lovely idea and very popular with teens so they may even like it. If not they should appreciate the sentimental value and thought from their gran. Yabvu.

AppleKatie · 03/06/2021 09:17

This ‘problem’ will solve itself if you do nothing.

She gives charms, you say thanks and keep safe.

Child grows big enough to wear the bracelet ‘for special occasions’ by the time they are what 8? 9? At that point you offer choice to child - granny’s bracelet or not.

They wear it or not as their choice (and odds on they choose not- how ‘cool’ are they likely to think a bracelet that matches granny’s is at that age?).

99% of the time they stay in the drawer as a nice keepsake from granny. Even if they do wear them occasionally - does it matter? Who does it harm?

Pick your battles. This one doesn’t matter.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 03/06/2021 09:18

You're just as opinionated as she is. It's not all about you and your likes, either. Your children are people in their own right. Let them have the bracelets. Their tastes might differ from yours. My daughter's does. YABVU.

user43210 · 03/06/2021 09:19

Usually I'd be on the side of the DIL in most posts. However in this case I think YABU.

A charm bracelet doesn't have to be worn. I have my mums old one and it's so chunky but I love looking at the funky charms. That's all this may become to your daughters.

They can choose if they want to wear it or not, you can't force your preferences on them.

If MIL makes them wear it, then she IBU but if it's just a gift, then I'm sure your daughters must love the fancy gifts

jvfryv · 03/06/2021 09:19

I don't see the problem, they can choose to wear them when they are older if they want to but if not just keep them as a nice thing from their Grandparent.

DancesWithTortoises · 03/06/2021 09:20

It isn't about you, OP. Let the children decide when they are older, they may treasure them.

BettysFondantFancy · 03/06/2021 09:21

Sorry OP, I think yabu and a bit ungrateful too.

As you've said yourself, jewellery is a very personal choice. So let your dds choose when they're old enough.

This is between your MIL and them. Nothing to do with you.

Zzelda · 03/06/2021 09:21

YABU. It's great for the children to have something from their grandmother, and you really can't expect to dictate what they wear all their lives.

moynomore · 03/06/2021 09:21

Oh my goodness. A grandma does not have to clear jewellery choices by her daughter in law. Very weird. Maybe your girls will like them. It's for them to decide when the time comes.

Justcallmebebes · 03/06/2021 09:22

My nan bought me a silver charm bracelet and added charms that meant something at the time. She's long gone but that bracelet is one of my most treasured possessions which my 5 yr old gc has already claimed when I die!