What would you do? Am I being unreasonable?

[123KLB]

My MIL bought both my daughters these Silver charm Bracelets when they were born. Theyre quite bulky and old fashioned. She keeps buying another charm to add to them every so often. The problem is, personally, I absolutely hate charm bracelets. I do not think they look nice. I’m a very “delicate” kind if Jewellery kind of person. My daughters are only little and too young to wear jewellery yet anyway but my MIL keeps banging on about them all the time..because she has one and she wanted them to have the same.
I realise she has bought them something “special” or she thinks is special but I really get a bit wound up by it. ( bit of extra info- she is a very opinionated, narcissistic lady who never ever listens to anyone, and is very eccentric. She is quite rude and even my husband gets cross and wound up with her alot).
Is it unreasonable of me to have expected my MIL to have run by us what jewellery she was going to buy? I find jewellery a very personal choice. If I ever have grandchildren I know I wouldnt buy them Jewellery without asking my daughters first. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place because my husband thinks i am being ungrateful on this one. I am grateful for the thought...but they are such Ugly bracelets I dont want my girls to ever wear them. I think as well its because they’re like the one she wears and so its so full of importance to HER,( she loves to try and tell me that my children have HER hair colour, HER curly hair, HER flare for singing or acting and that SHE is going to tutor my children in amateur dramatics one day😩). Am I being just weird about the bracelets or does anyone else think its something she should have asked me about first?

YABU - Your MiL is doing a lovely thing for your daughters.
As a child my GM had a charm bracelet and I was fascinated by it. We used to sit together and she'd tell me the stories behind the charms. When she died the bracelet was left to her daughter who (unknown to me) sold it. I was upset when I found out she'd sold it because I would have been happy to buy it, it held a lot of memories for me.
I now have my own gold charm bracelet. I don't often wear it but I buy charms wherever in the world we holiday and it holds a lot of happy memories.
In the past I've bought a couple of my goddaughters gold bangles - your post has made me worry about that now ☹️

What a kind and thoughtful gesture. Gifting w bracelet and building it up over the years. They are a thoughtful gift for your children. Your taste has nothing to do with this. Your children can make decision later on as to whether they wear, or simple treasure. I still have such gifts.

When they’re older are you going to dictate what they wear and veto anything not to your taste? They are and will be individuals.

My Grandma done this for me and although I never wear the bracelet I love remembering her when I see it (currently in storage at my Mum's). As I got older I remembered the occasions she bought the charms for. Your girls will hopefully feel the same one day when she's no longer here. YABVU

I wouldn’t worry about it. My MIL bought my daughter every few years for about 8 years one of those extremely ugly porcelain dolls that you stick on a shelf. Ugly and so old fashioned but we used to just smile nicely, stick it on a shelf and ignore it.

You really can’t control what sort of tacky useless crap other people buy your kid so just accept it with good grace, people will have different taste to you and other people will think your taste in jewellery is tacky and your MIL’s is beautiful. Plus anyway little kids lose jewellery, it’s silly to buy it in the first place.

You clearly hate your MIL and are using this as an excuse to bitch about her.

Sorry but this is a gift to your dds, not to you.
The fact you dont like it is not here nor there.

As they grow up, they might well really love those charm bracelets. Or they might hate them but it will be up to them to decdide.

Fwiw both my gran and my great grand mother did something similar as they wanted to me to have something 'from them'. I still have the jewellery and I cherrish them. Even if I rarely wear them.

I totally agree with you.
I am a grandmother (my grand daughter is now 20).

I wouldn't have dreamed of imposing any sort of jewellery on a young child. At any stage of her growing up I always asked her mum, my DIL, what sort of things to buy her.
Your MIL sounds batshit!

This reminds me of my mother, she said to me that she would buy me a nice piece of jewelry for my 16 birthday. I picked a fab silver ring in the jewellers. We had a blazing row in the middle of the street outside the shop as she refused to buy me silver, said is not worth it and that i wouldn't wear it as my love of silver is just a phase. She bought me a 18 caret yellow gold ring instead. I think i wore it twice and now my sister has it. She kept borrowing it so let her keep it. Here i am over 30 years years later still loving silver or now white gold. I very rarely wear yellow gold and if i do its costume jewellery and the outfit looks better with it. Let you kids have them and wear them. They will learn their own taste and if they don't want to wear them , let them tell their granny.

I am not a fan of charm bracelets myself. It is though the kind of gift that when a grandparent is long gone I might as a grandchild look back fondly on thinking what went through her mind when she was buying each piece. The worst that could happen is that they sit in a jewelry box and are somewhat forgotten. I would not be annoyed in any way.

Well this is fairly unanimous. Bottom line is it’s a couple of bracelets. It’s not like she dyed their hair purple, pierced their noses, and got them tattooed up.

Having had that sort of MIL, I can understand how this gets on your nerves. However, trust me, this is not the hill to die on! It sounds like your daughters are too young at the moment to be wearing them, and even if MIL starts demanding that they do, they put them on to see Granny and put them away again. Your daughters may actually like them! Just be thankful she doesn't buy them a sackful of plastic tat for Xmas and birthday, or something much larger than a bracelet that is impossible to store (voice of bitter experience). If buying the charms keeps her happy (or if it's my MIL, lets her think she's won something somehow) and stops her interfering in other areas, I'd consider that a win.

My Gran did the same thing. It wasn't to my taste however the bracelet is so very special to me now she's passed away.

It's not upto you, they aren't for you.

What you like and don't like isn't relevant. They aren't for you.

Much better a classic charm bracelet imo than the pandora nonsense or similar that will go out of fashion.

YABVU and extremely rude

These are your daughters not yours, and your daughters are very likely to have completely different tastes to you

Just let them have them when they are old enough and let them decide, no trying to sway them just because you don’t like them. They are a memento for your children of their grandmother

Not sure charm bracelets are old fashioned - I thought Pandora bracelets were all the rage!

I think you mil has done a lovely thing. Maybe it’s not to your taste, but she has created heirlooms for your daughters. It may not be to your taste, but your dds may love them, as a keepsake if nothing else.

Accept it for what it is, a gift.

I think you are getting "stuff" mixed up with your feelings about your Mil. My Mil was lovely but her best friend was a nightmare....kept asking me when i would be pregnant and had I stopped the pill, cos it was so bad for young women and I was breaking my Mil's heart (I wasn't) She can't control what your kids do now or when they are older...once they are older you won't be able to either!! As others have said, pick your battles and maybe see your Mil a bit less often for your own sanity. When i read about other Mils on here who give carloads of dirty stuff from jumblesales, a couple of bracelets is not much in the grand scheme of things

but they are such Ugly bracelets I dont want my girls to ever wear them.

How old are your DDs? It won't be long before you have little and then no say whatsoever in what they wear. How would you feel if your grandmother had gifted you jewellery that your DM had held back from you because she didn't like it?

It's not yours to make the decision on. You aren't coming across as a very nice person to be honest.

Wonder if the op will come back…

Why on earth would YOUR taste matter when its not a gift for you?

Your daughters might love them and hate your taste in jewellery, regardless of your opinion you have no right to say 'I dont want my daughters wearing that' because its up to your daughters and its a keepsake item they will wear as adults if the do wear it not a babygrow where they will have no opinion.

Wait until your daughter’s are teenagers and see what they’re like They’ll definitely have their own minds by then and there’ll be nothing much you can do about it. Let them decide, because they might love their bracelets.

I have a gold charm bracelet given to me by my godmother. It's really beautiful, and there was something special about the way it emerged over the years, much more than just a single present. It is one of my best childhood presents. I think I'm lucky to have it.

Your children are also lucky to have a grandmother who cares and wants to be involved in their upbringing. My DC has no grandparents and feels their loss keenly. It takes a village (and a lot of alcohol lol) to bring up a child. Let them benefit from having as many relationships as they can.

I am sure you are a really nice and caring mother, but you are coming across as controlling and unreasonable and I feel a bit sorry for your MIL, husband and children to be honest. Save your battles for something important...

Imagine how it might be thought of by your children when they grow up, that 'we used to have charm bracelets from our granny but our mother stopped her giving us them.'

Maybe the next charm will be an arse being handed to someone on a plate

Your children will probably choose far uglier things to fall in love with when they're a bit older.

What's the harm. It costs you nothing, they wear them a couple of times when they visit granny for her birthday or other special occasions. She's happy. Kids happy. If she dies they have a special keepsake to remember her by and look at occasionally, knowing that she put thought into selecting things for them.

YABU- even if they never wear them it'd still be nice for them to have them. Like, for my 21st my mum brought me a quite large solid gold crucifix pendant as I was going through a very brief Catholic phase. I don't think she ever intended me to wear that, it's so grand. It was bought as something special for my 21st and I appreciate it very much. It has 'To Katy Love Mum' engraved on the back. Maybe I should wear it.

It is not 'bad,' it's just a special commemorative item. Same as someone made a silver Christening bracelet for me. It was quite heavy so I imagine I never even wore it on my Christening, but it's still a great present.

@Bluntness100

Wonder if the op will come back…

Probably smelting the charm bracelets down