What would you do? Am I being unreasonable?

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My MIL bought both my daughters these Silver charm Bracelets when they were born. Theyre quite bulky and old fashioned. She keeps buying another charm to add to them every so often. The problem is, personally, I absolutely hate charm bracelets. I do not think they look nice. I’m a very “delicate” kind if Jewellery kind of person. My daughters are only little and too young to wear jewellery yet anyway but my MIL keeps banging on about them all the time..because she has one and she wanted them to have the same.
I realise she has bought them something “special” or she thinks is special but I really get a bit wound up by it. ( bit of extra info- she is a very opinionated, narcissistic lady who never ever listens to anyone, and is very eccentric. She is quite rude and even my husband gets cross and wound up with her alot).
Is it unreasonable of me to have expected my MIL to have run by us what jewellery she was going to buy? I find jewellery a very personal choice. If I ever have grandchildren I know I wouldnt buy them Jewellery without asking my daughters first. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place because my husband thinks i am being ungrateful on this one. I am grateful for the thought...but they are such Ugly bracelets I dont want my girls to ever wear them. I think as well its because they’re like the one she wears and so its so full of importance to HER,( she loves to try and tell me that my children have HER hair colour, HER curly hair, HER flare for singing or acting and that SHE is going to tutor my children in amateur dramatics one day😩). Am I being just weird about the bracelets or does anyone else think its something she should have asked me about first?

Goodness me you are very controlling of your daughters. prepare for rebellious teenagers. they are your children but they are people in their own right. and when they get older THEY will decide the jewellery they want to wear, the fashions they like, the hobbies they want to pursue and not you. you need to get used to that fact now. they are no more mini yous than they are mini mother in laws. All I read in your post is "I, I me, me"

@Brefugee

Roll on to the early 00s and my DDs were making their first holy communions. Mum had the bracelets and charms cleaned and polished and gave them to the girls for FHC presents - they loved them and would listen for hours about who gave her which charm and when.

that's lovely. My mum bought me a charm bracelet for passing my 11 plus, and then a charm to go on it that went with the school play i was in. It was added to over the years, and eventually she had given me all the charms off her own bracelet, and explained who gave them to her etc. My bracelet is full and i never wear it but my adult DC love to look at it and hear the stories.

I have one of my Nan's charm bracelets. She had many. It's not impressively expensive, but in terms of something of my Nan's it's priceless to me.

When my grandfather died, he knew he was ill for a while before she did. He couldn't bear to tell her until he was incredibly, noticeably unwell.

After he died, she would find little envelopes, containing charms. He had hid them in all manner of places. There must have been around 30 of them. She would take a shoe out of its shoe box, and out one would come. A glove. Inside a biscuit tin.

It had been their thing for years to buy her a new charm each anniversary. By him doing that, after he went, every time she found one, it was like he was still saying he loved her. It gave her so much comfort.

Even when she died, some 20 years afterwards, and my family was clearing the house, we found two she hadn't found.
We have all ended up with a charm bracelet, which meant more to me than any monetary gift in the world.

Yes to some, they're tacky. They're bulky, or old fashioned. Who cares?

That was a really lovely thing for her to do, even if you don't like them. It will be a lovely connection to her that they'll have for life.

"Oh MIL, they're far too precious to be worn yet, you know what they're like - two minutes down the road and they'd be lost in a drain. I want to keep them safe until the girls are grown up."

The bracelets aren’t your taste but I bet your DD’s would love them. Even if they don’t wear them I think they’re a lovely think to have as keepsakes and knowing that their DGM put time and thought into picking charms to add to their bracelets each year. They sound like something that can be passed down as heirlooms.

How many things do we buy for kids that we think are totally tacky but know they will enjoy? I’ve cringed buying various toys and clothes but know they are the bees knees in my DCs eyes. Just because we don’t like something doesn’t always mean it is inappropriate or needs to be stopped.

I disliked charm bracelets most of my life but now I quite like them. Maybe your daughters will like them. Maybe they will treasure something for sentimental reason as because their grandmother has put such thought into them.

Your post makes no sense anyway, you don’t want MIL to choose jewellery because it is personal but think she should have run it past you? Well you have no more insight into your daughters future tastes than your MIL.

You are being ungrateful and frankly nasty, I think it is purely because it is a MIL. I expect you would not be so nasty about your own mother.

So, she's wrong for trying to impose her taste on your kids but it's not wrong for you to do the same?

Let them decide when they're old enough.

I have jewellery from my dgm that I never wear as it is not to my taste, however I love each piece because she loved it, she chose it for me and this is why they are very special. You may not like the gift but you should appreciate the love that gave it.

Totally U. They are not yours and they don't have to wear them. Why can't they just keep then as a keepsake. They don't actually have to wear them.

FWIW, I have a similar charm bracelet from when I was a kid. The charms all meant something to granny at the time (bought for my birthday, souvenir from a holiday etc) and I keep it for that reason.

Don’t interfere - it’s none of your business what type of jewellery she buys for your daughters. It is between them.

@C8H10N4O2

SHE is going to tutor my children in amateur dramatics one day

Oh I'm confident OP that you can manage that entirely by yourself.

I totally understand your feelings on this one but of course YABU!

Try to ignore her and just let her prattle on. It doesn't matter whether your daughters like them or not. If it makes her happy then let her keep wasting her money on it. I'm 99% the girls will probably only wear them once or twice in the presence of granny and it will just be a sentimental piece that stays in a jewellery box. There's no need for you to get hung up on it - this gives her power over you and I'm pretty sure that isn't what you want. I'm the daughter of a narcissist and any reaction from you is just fuel for her.

They are your girls and nobody can take that away from you. Don't let it affect your mood or your relationships - this is where is becomes destructive and you let her have an impact on you. You will be so much happier if you can just let this go and remind yourself that she's a silly and unpleasant fool.

Don’t know where mine is now, but I had one as a child and loved it. I’m not sure whether I ever wore it, but I loved all the little charms and used sometimes to buy new ones with moving parts with my birthday money.

Sorry you don’t get on with your MIL, but don’t assume your daughters won’t like the bracelets. I get the feeling you are loading all your concerns that she will be overbearing towards your children later onto this gift, which is surely harmless at worst and potentially positive at best.

Hopefully they will feel it’s a demonstration of love from their grandmother, who’s bought them something that she obviously loves to have herself and hopes they will love, as she does. Even if you don’t like her, she’s likely to be important for your daughters in a way that is independent of you.

WTF you sound so controlling!
Obviously this is a bigger issue than a bracket which most people would be grateful for!
What is it about MIL you don’t like/jealous of?

I think you're being ridiculous. Keep them for when your daughters are older and they can either wear them or keep them, whatever they decide.
My grandmother bought me one as a baby and added charms to it throughout my childhood and I never wore it until I was a teenager and then I absolutely loved it and wore it alot. I still have it today, though don't wear it now. But its something I wouldn't get rid of and still cherish, especially now my grandmother has passed away.

Keep them in a very safe place. My mum had two, one gold and one silver. Though I don't much like charm bracelets either, as the years went on and charms were added niw and again, it was amazing the difference in quality. The charms put on in her youth were beautiful, detailed, with tiny tiny little precious stones but the later ones were cruder and less charming! There was a little car with moving wheels and the driver's door opened, the steering wheel went round, a church which hinged open revealing a tiny bride and groom. I couldn't find charms like that at a price I could afford, ever!

The bracelets were stolen. I mourn their loss for my daughter's sake, they should have been hers. The workmanship was astonishing.

So just keep them safe until your daughters are old enough to keep them safe themselves. They tell a story about a life, and are irreplaceable.

I find jewellery a very personal choice. If I ever have grandchildren I know I wouldnt buy them Jewellery without asking my daughters first.

So the person who owns the jewellery never gets a say by your logic. Why would you decide on your daughter's behalf that they are never going to want these bracelets, even just as a token of their grandmother's love?

I find jewellery a very personal choice so isn't it for your children to decide whether they like it or not?

Your children will grow up and decide for themselves if they want to wear the bracelets.

Not to be morbid but when their granny passes away, they might like having something that she bought for them.

I have an engagement present from a relative that, at the time, I thought was really ugly but I said thanks and thought it would sit in a cupboard for a few years until I did a declutter. The relative passed away unexpectedly shortly after and the present is now displayed in my hallway because it's the last thing they bought me and I am so happy to have it.

I don’t want my MIL to force her tastes on my daughters, because I am planning to force my taste on my daughters.

🙄

Get a grip. Even if they never wear them, they may enjoy looking through their collection. Make a little note of the occasion and reason behind each charm. And give your head a wobble!

YABU.
Don't put them on them everyday. But when they visit their nan, let them wear their bracelets.
You don't get to dictate what other people gift your children. You can decline a gift on their behalf until they're old enough to decide for themselves, but it's a bit shitty.

My grandmother bought me a lot of jewellery over the years. Some was hideous. My mother sounded a lot like you. She put it away for ‘safekeeping’ and I never saw it again. I’m convinced she sold it to be honest.

I’d have loved the chance as an adult to decide whether I liked it or not.

I don't think this is about the charm bracelet.

You have issues with your MIL and it manifests in things like this. It's really not a problem. The grandmother wants to buy some jewellery for her grandchildren. I don't see why she should run it by you as maybe the children will like it when they're older. They will decide when if they wear it or not when older. Maybe they'll just wear it at granny's or they'll like it and wear it a lot. It doesn't have to be an issue.

Just put the bracelets in a box where they can look at them occasionally but not wear them until they’re say 12, and say you’re keeping them safe for when they’re older because they are special / fragile / valuable.

Charm bracelets are a very very common gift, so it’s you who is being weird here not MIL. I find them a bit annoying too (charm bracelets not MIL. No actually both 😬) but if you think your daughters are going to always dress according to your tastes then you have a world of surprises coming up in the future.

Your daughters will probably love them. My tastes a more way more similar to my gran than my mum.

I’m a very “delicate” kind if Jewellery kind of person.

What kind of jewellery will your daughters like? You have no idea, so why do you expect them to comply with your personal taste?

It's a lovely gesture, and even if they decide not to wear the bracelets they will make nice mementoes. I have a gold bracelet I was given when I was 5, with my name on. It doesn't fit me any more, and isn't to my current taste, but it's a lovely memory of a gift that I treasured at the time.

This is a complete non problem OP.

Stick them in the drawer and when your daughters are old enough, they can decide to wear them or not.

You can't control everything and I doubt your DDs would thank you if you tried.