What would you do? Am I being unreasonable?

[123KLB]

My MIL bought both my daughters these Silver charm Bracelets when they were born. Theyre quite bulky and old fashioned. She keeps buying another charm to add to them every so often. The problem is, personally, I absolutely hate charm bracelets. I do not think they look nice. I’m a very “delicate” kind if Jewellery kind of person. My daughters are only little and too young to wear jewellery yet anyway but my MIL keeps banging on about them all the time..because she has one and she wanted them to have the same.
I realise she has bought them something “special” or she thinks is special but I really get a bit wound up by it. ( bit of extra info- she is a very opinionated, narcissistic lady who never ever listens to anyone, and is very eccentric. She is quite rude and even my husband gets cross and wound up with her alot).
Is it unreasonable of me to have expected my MIL to have run by us what jewellery she was going to buy? I find jewellery a very personal choice. If I ever have grandchildren I know I wouldnt buy them Jewellery without asking my daughters first. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place because my husband thinks i am being ungrateful on this one. I am grateful for the thought...but they are such Ugly bracelets I dont want my girls to ever wear them. I think as well its because they’re like the one she wears and so its so full of importance to HER,( she loves to try and tell me that my children have HER hair colour, HER curly hair, HER flare for singing or acting and that SHE is going to tutor my children in amateur dramatics one day😩). Am I being just weird about the bracelets or does anyone else think its something she should have asked me about first?

Ps MIL should definitely NOT run jewellery gift choices by you. She has her own relationship with the children which is quite separate to yours.

Letbthe children play with them as dressing up jewellery as they get older.

They are hideous but allow the girls decide.

If she is that awful generally, firm up your general boundaries.

I think little charm bracelets for kids are gorgeous and I think YABU a little, she has good intent and maybe just let them wear them on special occasions as they can get damaged if kids are playing etc etc, unless you want them to be damaged?

Also for the record I absolutely love Pandora’s charm bracelets!

You sound horrible. You've stated that jewellery is a very personal taste. These bracelets belong to your children who are too you to express a preference. They're absolutely nothing to do with you. All I've determined from your post is that you're a very petty person who will do anything to knock their, clearly hated, mother-in-law down. Get over yourself.

This isn't about you. Its a special gift for your girls. By the time they grow up, they'll probably be in fashion!

If this isn't a wind-up then YABU. You can't micro manage what gifts people buy your children and that includes their taste in jewellery. Your MIL can choose to spend her money on whatever jewellery gifts she likes for your kids. Your kids may hate your "delicate" taste and who knows what will be in fashion in the future when they may want to wear them.

I'd say this isn't about the bracelets (although tbh I'm with you, I hate charm bracelets). I think this is more about the fact that your MIL keeps trying to 'stamp' your dds as 'hers' (HER hair colour, HER flare for the dramatic etc). That must be very irritating indeed.

But- on this one, I'd smile through gritted teeth and say thank you, how lovely, I'll put them away until they're old enough to wear them. By all means let your dds look at them, play with them, but say no to wearing them for now. Then when/if they choose to wear them, just view them in the same way you'd view their other eccentric outfit choices .

As for posters saying you're forcing your choices on your dds- isn't that what all parents do? You decide what they wear, what they eat, where they go to school... At least until they're of an age to decide certain things for themselves. It's part of being the parent- which, in this case, your MIL is not.

You are being very unreasonable.

I feel sorry for your MIL as you sound like one of ‘those’ mothers who want to ‘own’ their children’s every choice, and not allow anyone else to form relationships with them.

You are very critical of your MIL’s character. I wonder what she would say about you?

Sorry OP, but YABU.

My 7yr old DD got given one of those charm bracelets from her dad, I hate it, she LOVES it. She wants a new charm to commemorate every holiday/occasion, she asks for them for birthdays etc. It's about her and what she loves, I wouldn't dictate to her what she could wear/love.

If your kids are pre-schoolers then obviously I wouldn't expect them to wear them, but give it to them when they reach school age and then it's between MIL and them.

@Shodan

I'd say this isn't about the bracelets (although tbh I'm with you, I hate charm bracelets). I think this is more about the fact that your MIL keeps trying to 'stamp' your dds as 'hers' (HER hair colour, HER flare for the dramatic etc). That must be very irritating indeed.

But- on this one, I'd smile through gritted teeth and say thank you, how lovely, I'll put them away until they're old enough to wear them. By all means let your dds look at them, play with them, but say no to wearing them for now. Then when/if they choose to wear them, just view them in the same way you'd view their other eccentric outfit choices .

As for posters saying you're forcing your choices on your dds- isn't that what all parents do? You decide what they wear, what they eat, where they go to school... At least until they're of an age to decide certain things for themselves. It's part of being the parent- which, in this case, your MIL is not.

Deciding what your children should eat, wear (weather appropriate) and where to go to school are absolutely in the camp of good parenting and is the right thing to do. A bracelet does not compare to these examples...its a bracelet!

You don't like her. Fair enough.

They are ugly bracelets. Fair enough.

But I think you're fixed on the bracelets because it's a concrete thing your mil is using go make your dcs more like her. Along with the hair colour etc.

It is tedious and pathetic when relatives are insistent and obsessive about their other relatives looking or being like them.

But I would just nod and smile. Your dcs will decide for themselves what to wear when the time comes.

I bet your children will love playing with them, maybe let them?

You are not coming across very well here 😔

Jeeze, you sound just like my mother !.

I agree with everything that's been said. Your daughter's will decide what jewelry they will and won't wear. Their tastes will change over the years, as many people's do. I always wore understated jewelry, usually in gold. But since growing over and suiting navy, I now like silver and have a silver charm bracelet.

These are a reflection on your Mail's taste. It's small, personal stuff that we remember about people. These should be gratefully received and put away for them as adults, while allowing them access to them over the years.

YABU.

There is a lot of hatred for mother in law's on Mumsnet for really petty and pathetic reasons.
This post is definitely one of those.
One of the most horrible I have read for a while.

I disagree with a lot of these replies. Charm bracelets are hideous and bracelets in general are not practical for children to wear. I would be concerned that new charms will be their Christmas and birthday presents. She should have asked your opinion as they are not to everyone’s taste and they are your children so you should decide what they do or don’t wear. It’s a bit different to a one off piece of jewellery which can be put away in a box and kept if you don’t like it. I know my DDs wouldn’t have been happy getting new charms every year either.
She does sound very overbearing generally too. I would come up with a range pre planned responses when she comes up with these comments.

You are being ungrateful and controlling. Of course it’s not up to you to dictate what she can buy for your daughters. These kinds of presnts are sentimental and are often just kept in a drawer. How on earth do you know what your daughters will like when they are old enough to wear jewellery. I think you need to read your post back and see how you sound. The replies give you an idea of how unreasonable your thought process is.

Yabu

If they hate them when they're older they can put them in a box. Try and get over it OP, it's an irrational one (and I know you also have rational reasons to find your mil irritating but this just isn't one of them!)

they are your children so you should decide what they do or don’t wear only up to a certain age. I think freedom of choice in regards to fashion is important. As long as it's "suitable" according to the parent's definition then they should be given some choice to find who they are.

I know my DDs wouldn’t have been happy getting new charms every year either. Then that would be a chance to teach them about being grateful for the sentiment and how to be polite when receiving gifts. When MIL dies they might appreciate the thought she put in even more.

You are being really weird.
These old fashioned type of charm bracelets are not really meant to be worn generally anyway, anymore than a silver spoon given to a baby is meant to be used as cutlery. They’re keepsakes to take out every so often and feel sentimental, to remember the person that gave them and the occasions the charms represent.

I wonder if you would feel like this if it was your mother rather than your MIL

I have a charm bracelet given my my granny. I'm sure it wasn't to my dm's taste, and I haven't worn it much, but it has huge sentimental value to me as each charm was chosen carefully.