What would you do? Am I being unreasonable?

[123KLB]

My MIL bought both my daughters these Silver charm Bracelets when they were born. Theyre quite bulky and old fashioned. She keeps buying another charm to add to them every so often. The problem is, personally, I absolutely hate charm bracelets. I do not think they look nice. I’m a very “delicate” kind if Jewellery kind of person. My daughters are only little and too young to wear jewellery yet anyway but my MIL keeps banging on about them all the time..because she has one and she wanted them to have the same.
I realise she has bought them something “special” or she thinks is special but I really get a bit wound up by it. ( bit of extra info- she is a very opinionated, narcissistic lady who never ever listens to anyone, and is very eccentric. She is quite rude and even my husband gets cross and wound up with her alot).
Is it unreasonable of me to have expected my MIL to have run by us what jewellery she was going to buy? I find jewellery a very personal choice. If I ever have grandchildren I know I wouldnt buy them Jewellery without asking my daughters first. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place because my husband thinks i am being ungrateful on this one. I am grateful for the thought...but they are such Ugly bracelets I dont want my girls to ever wear them. I think as well its because they’re like the one she wears and so its so full of importance to HER,( she loves to try and tell me that my children have HER hair colour, HER curly hair, HER flare for singing or acting and that SHE is going to tutor my children in amateur dramatics one day😩). Am I being just weird about the bracelets or does anyone else think its something she should have asked me about first?

I had a really chunky silver charm bracelet as a child/teenager. I LOVED it then and, whilst it’s not to my taste anymore, I still treasure it as something special that my family members gave me.

I think you're being unreasonable OP. I get that your MIL irritates you but I think you have to let that one go.
You have no idea what your dds tastes in jewellery will be like when they get older & they may well like them.
It's also a really lovely thing for them to have when they're grown up & they can potentially pass them into their own children. I have some family jewellery passed on from my grandmother & some of it was given to her when she was only 15 or 16 so it's v old & precious in sentimental terms to me now & I will give them to my dd - jewellery from her great grandmother.
You sound very ungracious & you should watch out not to cloud your dds opinions of their grandmother with yours.

I've always resented my mum confiscating a fur coat, low heeled black buttoned Mary Jane shoes and mint green dress that my grandmother (her MIL) bought me when I was 7. She said they were common and not suitable for a little girl. All I saw was a present from my nan taken away. My mum doesn't remember this now but I do, nearly 40 years later. I agree with her now that actually they were pretty vile, but at 7 I coveted that outfit like no other. Let your daughters have their bracelets.

as a pp said your problem is with the woman, not the bracelets, and they are the "straw that broke the camels back" as it were. Tough dealing with a narcissist, maybe looking at some narcissist strategies and getting some talking therapy around how to deal with her might help, as the bracelet is the least of your problems here and not the real issue.

SHE is going to tutor my children in amateur dramatics one day

Oh I'm confident OP that you can manage that entirely by yourself.

You are doing actually the same thing to do to your daughter's that you are complaining your mil is doing. These bracelets are for your daughters and they can decide if they want to wear them when they are older. When I was about 7- 11, I loved my charm bracelet and wore it lots

I find jewellery a very personal choice.

It is, yes. So they key question is, do your daughters like the bracelets, or might they when they're old enough? Keep the bracelets, let them decide later and they can wear them when granny's around. You won't find your daughters necessarily have your taste in jewellery, however delicate and lovely you think it is.

I think let your MIL get on with it. It's between her and your D.C. They will or wonts like them and it's not really anything to do with you.

Similar bracelets were all the rage in the 60s/early 70s and my mum ended up with two. My sister and I both thought they were fugly, old fashioned bits of shite.

Roll on to the early 00s and my DDs were making their first holy communions. Mum had the bracelets and charms cleaned and polished and gave them to the girls for FHC presents - they loved them and would listen for hours about who gave her which charm and when. They are in their late twenties now and still cherish them as well as the few extra charms that have been added over the years.

YABU. I bought my gd a gold, diamond and Opal (her birth stone) necklace as I wanted her to have something special from me. I did however show my dd a couple of necklaces I liked, but she refused to have any input as it was from me to my gd, so she wanted it to be my choice.

I inherited one of these , and never wore it but Loved the different charms , I had a little boot that has people inside and a church that opened to show the congregation etc. Mine was so bulky I never would have worn it. Eventually I sold it for a nice sum and bought a ring that I now wear every day. Try to enjoy it for what it is, a nice gift of little trinkets that kids love

My DD has a gold necklace from my Grandma who passed away when she was a little girl and some pieces of jewelry from my Mum. She knows where they are, she wears them occasionally and I will not ban her from wearing them because they're hers, not mine. I never stopped my family from buying her jewelry or anything else, it's their decision and unless it causes her harm, she should enjoy it.

YABU and controlling. They were gifts. You don't get to control gifts and your taste is as unlikely to be popular with your DDs as their grandmother's to be honest.

In fact their grandmother's taste may well be more to their liking by the time they are old enough to appreciate jewellery.

I used to love love LOVE my grandmother's charm bracelet, when I was a kid. I played with it for hours, fascinated by all the charms.

I think it's a lovely gift!

Agree with PPs that you're interpreting this through the lens of your general irritation with her.

Completely unreasonable IMO.

I have a similar thing from when I was younger. It's a gold charm bracelet (I never wear gold as an adult, maybe rose gold at a push) and loads of ugly looking bulky gold charms, one with USA98 from when she took me to America, one a massive bumble bee from another memory, a bloody leprechaun

It's ugly as sin and sits in a box, but it's one of the first things I would save in a fire. It's beyond precious to me. Sometimes I pull it out and let my DDs have a look and fight over which charms they want when I die

Also my daughter's GM is very like that (her hair, her wild spirit etc)... I just indulge her. Why not? Who cares?! If it makes another human feel a bit special and takes literally ZERO effort why wouldn't you?

YABU the gift isn't for you. My aunt bought me a charm bracelet when I was born and gave me a charm each birthday until I was 16. I don't wear the bracelet, but I love looking at it with all the charms that were so thoughtfully picked out year after year. It's very special.

Ha ha! Are you going to tell your DDs what to wear all their life!?

My MIL has done the same...but with gold bracelet and charms. My DD is 16 and wears it all the time. She thinks it's gorgeous.

Yes, how dare your mil buy your daughters thoughtful gifts that she thinks they’ll enjoy without running it past you first. Yabu

The bracelets seem to be your 'breaking point' with your MIL. Let the kids have the choice of wearing them or not - it's not a big deal and it's spiteful of you to try and get in the way of them having some enjoyment out of something because YOU don't like their grandma. What you need to do is address the actual issue of your MIL's behaviour without involving your kids. If you don't like the way she speaks to you, tell her. If she's making comments about where the kids get their hair/talents - just nod and smile and think "whatever". My MIL to be does this, and yes it's irritating but not every little thing is worth a battle. Just try not to be around her if she's that irritating. There are many things you can do to address your issues with her without using your kids as a weapon.

Roll on to the early 00s and my DDs were making their first holy communions. Mum had the bracelets and charms cleaned and polished and gave them to the girls for FHC presents - they loved them and would listen for hours about who gave her which charm and when.

that's lovely. My mum bought me a charm bracelet for passing my 11 plus, and then a charm to go on it that went with the school play i was in. It was added to over the years, and eventually she had given me all the charms off her own bracelet, and explained who gave them to her etc. My bracelet is full and i never wear it but my adult DC love to look at it and hear the stories.

MIL knows you don't like them and in you being unsure about them, your MIL is getting kicks from that.
So just thank her and say you will be keeping them safe till the children are teens, if they are good quality and not used they will have value one day,
As to the other things, just smile, you have more power in not objecting as it takes the fun out of it for MIL if she fails to get a reaction from you,

You’re coming across as uptight, narcissistic and sneering. I can’t imagine this is what you wanted, so you need to stop.

Maybe she is the unreasonable one 99% of the time, but in this case you are definitely the one at fault.

I love my charm bracelet, all the little things given to me by different people. My mother had one and it is a nice link to her. Your dds might also like that connection with their grandmother.

You know that loud vulgar jewellery is every 5 year olds dream?