RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

It must be very annoying but I really don't think you can say something along the lines of we'll be ignoring your allergies so bring your epi pen and good luck!

Surely it's easy enough for the caterers to serve them the same meal but without the element that is problematic, especially if you have a vegetarian option as well

I think you could ask if it's an allergy, intolerance or preference because your caterers need to know for food prep/cross contamination issues? That wouldn't be unreasonable given that those with a significant allergy need the guarantee of meals being separately prepared or even certain ingredients off the menu altogether

Write back to EVERYONE who sent in their allergy with

Dear X,

Just to let you know that the additional cost of supporting the high number of guests with allergies has meant that we have decided to change the menu quite considerably it is now plain roasted chicken, boiled green vegetables and boiled potatoes followed by fruit salad. Please let us know if anything in that would cause you any issues.

We are so glad that so many let you know as we had no idea that cream, mushrooms, peppers, chilli etc caused so many issues. Peace and Love xx

Ha. I once had a friend say she didn't believe I was vegetarian (I am and have been for many years but I don't suppose I particularly talk about it), so I could either lump her (particularly bizarre) choice of menu or not come. I didn't go. Difficult to say whether they're genuine or not but I imagine this would be irritating!

Maybe say you don’t think the caterers can manage that, they’re welcome to bring their own packed lunch?!

@Itwontstopraining

I think you could ask if it's an allergy, intolerance or preference because your caterers need to know for food prep/cross contamination issues? That wouldn't be unreasonable given that those with a significant allergy need the guarantee of meals being separately prepared or even certain ingredients off the menu altogether

This. Ask them if they have allergies, intolerance or dietary preferences.

If the latter, go back and say that you’re sure they’ll understand it isn’t possible to cater specifically for so many non-allergic requests but they can pick the bits out they don’t like

Honestly? I would call them and say "please advise me, I don't know how to cater for someone who will go into anaphylactic shock"..

The truth will out. One lady came to my parents anniversary after the meal. We were happy to cater for her but she didn't want to take the risk and always eats at home. I made her a big flower bundle in lieu of cake to take home.

What were you planning to serve?

Almost 40 years ago we had 5 guests suddenly grow allergies and it threatened to cost us a fortune. So we univited them citing the hotel not being able to guarantee to meet their needs.

The one guest who we knew did have allergies, to onion, garlic etc, got a personal promise from the chef that his meal would be cooked and plated in a small separate kitchenette, just to be safe.

If they are your friends can’t you just ask them? Just say, look are you really allergic or do you just not want this item, because I am struggling to afford this many different meals.

Presumably the caterer does a vegan option? Can you make sure that covers all the ‘allergies’ (pick something that’s not mushroom) as well as genuine vegetarians, vegans, halal etc.? I would make an effort to substitute for any gluten allergies but other than that they get the dish with the problematic element removed. I was once served a green salad with a bread roll at a wedding and I’m a pescatarian so not exactly tricky. Still had a great time! I don’t think people expect that much from wedding food to begin with so don’t stress.

Please remember that allergies develop. I'm now allergic to all fish and shell fish.

I used to LOVE smoked salmon, cod, mussels and tuna. Oh how I miss those foods.

So you might have seen me eat them in the past and not known that an allergy has developed.

God, what a nightmare. Those that are crying wolf are being incredibly selfish so watch out for their behaviour with other aspects of your wedding. I'd go with @Itwontstopraining and follow it up with them. It gives you a chance to have a conversation about it and ascertain what the deal with them really is.

I also think it's fine to ask the ones claiming allergies if they have an Epipen because if they haven't then how do they cope with cross-contamination in normal life if it's an actual allergy? Obvs you want them o be safe at your wedding. Intolerance is a bit different but I'd only be interested in people that were lactose or gluten intolerant types rather than those using it because they just don't like something. If they're just being picky then it's hard luck and you get what you're given (which I'm sure will be lovely!)!

I would put on one vegan option that has none of the know allergies in and let them know this is what they are eating. My son has an allergy and this is what happened at the last wedding we went to. He was fine, we took snacks incase he didn't like it.

Nuts is a very common allergy. Personally if I eat mushrooms (even dried in a sauce without me knowing) I’d be projectile vomiting within 40min. Think my last record was 22 vomits in one episode. Neither I or you want that al over your dinning table.

Surely if main course has to contain nuts and cream and mushrooms say then offer one easy cheap alternative for those who can’t like you say. Plain chicken and veg for anyone else. Don’t see why you have change whole menu if some people can’t have set option you have chosen. You don’t need 10 new meals surely.

So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

I reckon these are only really an issue for the vegetarian option. If it’s several veggies with different allergies to nuts, peppers, cheese and mushrooms, then yes, options are getting thin.

But statistically they’re not all going to be vegetarians who have these intolerances so if your meat option doesn’t include cream or mushrooms then there’s plenty of leeway to create dishes. I wouldn’t stress too much.

@NoSquirrels to tell you the actual menu would be very outing but there is a chicken option or a vegetarian option for each course. Nothing that you would consider spicy or eccentric. DH to be is not hugely adventurous with food so we tried not to over complicate things. The caterers are very good and we actually picked them after attending a wedding where they were catering and the food went down really well. We tried to pick options that pretty much everyone likes and had a lot of input from family and friends on good choices.

@Findahouse21 Unfortunately for every person that 'needs' a specific change to the menu it will cost us a reasonable amount extra. We're happy to accommodate genuine allergies but its hard to stomach an extra ££ a head, for so many people, when we know its not genuine.

Allergies can develop at any time. I'm becoming more allergic to shellfish as I get older.

And couldn't you ask the caterer for one dish that doesn't have any of those things in ie. veg soup, roast chicken & veg, fruit salad?

Yeah, I think you have to sort out the gluten from the chaff here, the sheep from the vegans.

I like the letter suggested by @jellybeansforbreakfast.

P.s. I'm having to cut out gluten because of illness but I promise I'd talk to you properly and probably say sorry and ask to bring my own food if necessary.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?’

I think that sounds quite shitty. Can’t you just ask them directly if it’s an allergy (not all allergies require an epipen anyway) or a preference? My DH does have an allergy requiring an epipen but it’s not something that everyone would necessarily know about.

Not a nice post. I’m sure the people with potentially fatal nut allergies are doing it just to spite you and cost you extra 🙄
You probably wouldn’t know if an allergy is genuine as they can develop and go worse over time.

This is actually really tricky. I have adult onset allergies and am constantly adding new allergens to my list. There are also various levels of seriousness. Some I can handle a trace or cross-contamination, some not.

So before you ignore, I have to ask if you are sure they are faking. I know they probably are, but they could be like me and your cousin who you know used to love all things spice and who you know you have seen eat Bolognese just told you she can’t have cinnamon or tomatoes along with a few other things. She probably also feels really bad about making a fuss and the fact that she can’t carry a cute bag anymore because it has to be big enough for epipens, antihistamines, and steroid creams.

@jellybeansforbreakfast

Write back to EVERYONE who sent in their allergy with

Dear X,

Just to let you know that the additional cost of supporting the high number of guests with allergies has meant that we have decided to change the menu quite considerably it is now plain roasted chicken, boiled green vegetables and boiled potatoes followed by fruit salad. Please let us know if anything in that would cause you any issues.

We are so glad that so many let you know as we had no idea that cream, mushrooms, peppers, chilli etc caused so many issues. Peace and Love xx

My ideal menu (and not that different to what I had at my own wedding except substitute beef for chicken)

I know this post was meant to be sarcastic but sometimes simpler is better.

Can you even be allergic to cream? I mean... without also being allergic to milk?