RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

@Scarydinosaurs

As awkward as the conversations are with guests about individual requests, I think you have to have them.

Call up just the ones you suspect are lying (how many? 5 people?) and say “can I just check the details of your allergy- is it something we can work around with the dish (eg you pick it out) or is it something which actually necessitates a totally different meal?”

Friends won’t mind- just be straight with them.

Well exactly. These are guests with whom that OP has a "very good, maintained relationship". Just pick up the damned phone and talk to them!

@Scarydinosaurs

As awkward as the conversations are with guests about individual requests, I think you have to have them.

Call up just the ones you suspect are lying (how many? 5 people?) and say “can I just check the details of your allergy- is it something we can work around with the dish (eg you pick it out) or is it something which actually necessitates a totally different meal?”

Friends won’t mind- just be straight with them.

As someone with an allergy I would love this and I would happily speak to the caterers too.

@SteppedOnBloodyLego

Slothsloths

Yes, it's not an anaphylactic food allergy but something called oral allergy syndrome. If I eat certain types of pears I am absolutely fine whereas other varieties make my tongue and throat swell up. I know it sounds odd but it's true. It also makes it difficult to answer "What are you allergic to?" because it's complicated and boring for other people.

So you have an OAS to most likely birch pollen that cross-reacts with pears but I think you are getting confused with regards to varieties of pears - similar to poster above who claimed her dad was allergic to cheese (implying CMA) but could eat yogurt and drink milk.
It’s impossible to be allergic to some variety of pears but not to others; any allergy doctor will confirm this to you.

It is probably the case of so-called “allergy bucket”
allergyasthmanetwork.org/news/water-bucket-allergy-immunotherapy/

People with OAS are effectively allergic to pollen (hayfever). Pollen proteins present in some fruit and veg (cross-reactivity). Pollen counts are high in summer, low in winter. In summer you allergy “bucket” is full due to pollen so if you have OAS, you might start having OAS symptoms (tingley itchy mouth or lips) to some fruit/veg; in winter your allergy “bucket” is low - you might able to eat the same fruit then with no or very mild symptoms

It’s not about varieties of pears.

And yes, protein is destroyed once fruit/veg is cooked.

Using your own link and looking up OAS, that literally says the exact opposite to you;

'Others may find they can eat certain varieties of a fruit (Macintosh apples versus Granny Smith, for instance)'

I'm sorry to have upset anyone with my description of OAS. Yes, it is not the same as food allergies, it is an allergy to pollen. No, I do not describe this to other people or restaurants to cater to me. I usually tell people I will avoid raw fruit but try to reassure them that I will not become severely ill from it either. I too have a child with severe food allergies. We have never had a meal out with him because of this, so I do sympathize.

I don’t want to upset anyone further or contribute to misinformation so I will bow out for now. Allergies are so difficult and the pandemic has been nothing compared to our daily life with my son’s food allergies. Sorry again for any upset.

I would be happy if the bride/host were to ring me for details of my allergy, not offended at all. Fakers might be offended but people with real allergies would welcome a chance to explain.

Sometimes you can be flexible, eg I would probably be able to have the starter if it's a soup, the roast chicken dinner (minus yorkies) and fruit for dessert instead of cake. Perhaps Op's caters should come up with two options for each course, one normal and one allergen/vegan and have people choose in advance, that way you don't have to have complicated separate lists of menus, just a few options that people can swap between (and stick to).

I have oral allergy syndrome/pollen food syndrome too but I never thought it was worth bothering to mention it; when gluten, cheese and sugar are verboten, your pudding options boil down to either eating the fresh fruit salad and accepting the whole "I burnt the roof of my mouth on a hot pizza" thing, or sitting there with a glass of water and looking miserable 😂

@SteppedOnBloodyLego

Additionally, I’m sorry, but calling OAS an “allergy”and going around explaining people that you are allergic to some “varieties” of pears is over exaggerating and giving people impression that real allergies are fad; OAS won’t kill you - it’s just an itchy mouth.

There’s a reason it is under different name and category as OAS
Ive it too and I’d never dream of asking restaurant to cater for my “allergy” - i’ll simply move it off my plate. It’s just an itchy mouth after all.

And please, don’t go around explaining people about your “allergy to certain variety of pears”. Because when I come after you asking to accommodate my DC’s fucking once-a-year meal out - they will, rightfully, roll their eyes.

As I said up above, as a parent of a child with severe life threatening allergies (cant eat, can’t touch, can’t be in the same room as certain foods when it’s being cooked, most definitely can’t have “certain varieties”, won’t be able to eat it if it’s been e.g. handled with the same utensils) who survived multiple anaphylactic shocks and carries multiple Epipens and shitload of other meds, i often despair at what people call an “allergy.” (lactose- fructose- gluten- intolerance; headache after red wine; bloated after eating cheese; egg but only in homemade cakes; OAS aka itchy mouth etc)

egg but only in homemade cakes

It's because of the egg being cooked at temperature. And it is possible to tolerate egg in cake and not in just egg form.

My childs face swells up from egg but it's fine in cakes.

I'm sorry your child has life threatening allergies, that must be so difficult navigating events and eating out. However, please don't dismiss non life threatening allergies. He also has non IGE allergy to dairy and yes he's not going to die, but he will be extremely uncomfortable.

Lots of misunderstanding on this thread about people being allergic to egg and eating egg based deserts. Or being allergic to cheese but eating cauliflower cheese.

It's not lying, it's very possible! If you have a non IGE allergy you are actually advised to try to eat say egg or dairy in cooked forms and gradually try to build up to egg or a glass of milk. Cooking can make the food tolerable. For some people they can't get beyond a certain point on the "ladder". Hence it's possible to eat the egg desert but not eggs or eat cauliflower cheese but not cheese.

It's not easy to explain and just looking at this thread it's clear people think it's just being picky, so of course people just write 'no egg' or 'no dairy'. But you must see them eating the wedding cake! Doesn't mean they are lying.

The problem with intolerances is that they're all about quantity. Someone might tolerate 1 croissant a month but nevertheless stay off gluten entirely when it comes to bread and pasta, to avoid illness.
Some people might need to avoid lactose (and no, pills are entirely irrelevant / unhelpful to whoever suggested that), and some of those might tolerate goat's milk and some not, and some might tolerate butter and some not.

There are so many conditions - coeliac severe or coeliac mild, gluten intolerance due to taking medications that have destroyed your stomach or mild allergies that cause swellings that are not life-threatening etc... so every person has a different boundary.

But, when it comes to being a guest it's important to being as accommodating as usual. So if you actually can tolerate a croissant per month, make sure you keep your "get out of jail free" card for that wedding you've been invited to. If you can survive by eating more bread and no putting because it's going to be a cheesecake, don't mention you're lactose intolerant and just deal with on the day.

As someone with a very, very complicated diet due to multiple competing health conditions that nobody would understand the nuances of I only ever mention the one issue that is potentially life-threatening. The rest - I eat and take the symptoms that come after if it's something that is going to honour my friends and not cause too much damage. But I always travel with a supply of special breads/ milks / snacks in my bag in case I get caught out in a place where I can't eat.

Iris2020
If you can survive by eating more bread and no putting because it's going to be a cheesecake, don't mention you're lactose intolerant and just deal with on the day.
As someone with a very, very complicated diet due to multiple competing health conditions that nobody would understand the nuances of I only ever mention the one issue that is potentially life-threatening. The rest - I eat and take the symptoms that come after if it's something that is going to honour my friends and not cause too much damage. But I always travel with a supply of special breads/ milks / snacks in my bag in case I get caught out in a place where I can't eat.

Iris i wish more people were as considerate as you. In real life, unfortunately, almost everyone I met over-exaggerate the severity of their “allergies” and make a little song and dance about them (or completely make them up).
Very damaging for people with real severe allergies