RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

I'm intolerant to milk. Only been an issue for a couple of years and it's getting worse. My friends mostly don't know because I don't like to go into details of my gastrointestinal tract when I'm with anyone but my closest friends and family. I've obviously not seen many friends in the last two years, so even more reason people wouldn't know.

I'm going to a couple of weddings later this year. I ummed and aahed about whether to put it down as a dietary requirement. I know it's a pain for caterers. But it's literally painful for me to eat milk products.

In the end, I put lactose intolerant for one wedding but not for the other. So I probably seem like a complete liar now!

there is a chicken option or a vegetarian option for each course. Nothing that you would consider spicy or eccentric.

So chilli isn’t an issue then? And say if someone’s allergic to nuts take it off the whole menu and ask the caterers to do the dish without that for all diners. If the vegetarian option is cheese-based and you have veggies who don’t eat dairy that’s an issue, but only if it’s a goat’s cheese flan, say - if it’s a beetroot and goat’s cheese salad then the caterers make one without goat cheese (no extra substitute). I’m sure there’s ways this won’t disrupt or cost extra, though I appreciate it’s annoying.

@tabulahrasa

Can you even be allergic to cream? I mean... without also being allergic to milk?

Cream is worse for many lactose intolerant people than milk.

Yes @castlepeak, thank you.
All these PP making people feel shit over genuine life threatening allergies that they are petrified about ever having a reaction to. Just as long as nothing inconveniences them.

“Cream is worse for many lactose intolerant people than milk.”

But surely they’d put that they’re lactose intolerant? Not just specifically cream?...

I have a mushroom allergy, and its a slight as the english breakfast meat was cooked in the same pan as the mushrooms, and I wasn't served the mushrooms. I just avoid mushrooms and if i fail I'm ill for a week.

Are your caters able to offer a vegan dish which will cover most of those as one alternatives, we had a bbq so people could pick what they wanted, but one girl still brought all her own food as she wasnt willing to risk it.

@Mellonsprite

Yes *@castlepeak*, thank you. All these PP making people feel shit over genuine life threatening allergies that they are petrified about ever having a reaction to. Just as long as nothing inconveniences them.

Also all of those posters deciding not to read what OP actually said.

Disbelieving 1 person who claims a food preference as an allergy is not the same as disbelieving 1 person with a real allergy.

Those claiming fussy preferences as allergies are the ones doing the inconveniencing.

You say you’ve only had a few RSVPs back so I wouldn’t panic yet, honestly. When they’re all in, look at what can be adapted with the caterers.

If you google 'food allergy action plan' or 'anaphylaxis action plan' you should be able to get a form (labelled as though for children) which schools/colleges ask for when someone has an allergy, showing what symptoms to look out for and how quickly to medicate if the person is exposed to an allergen. You could send these out (for the hotel, obviously).🙂

When I was a teenager I worked in a hotel restaurant at weekends. One weekend we had a Yoga conference and a high number of attendees (about 75% from memory) were vegetarian. Or so they said. Then on the Sunday morning the vast majority of them wanted the bacon option for breakfast. The chef was furious as he didn't have enough bacon.

OP, I think you have to try to accommodate as many people as possible. I once went to a wedding where the food was vegan and wheat free. There was a carrot casserole as the main course. It was disgusting but it would have fitted your situation!

Surely if you know them well enough to invite to your wedding you also know them well enough for you or DH to ring them and ask for further information about their allergy as it’s news to you.

@tabulahrasa

“Cream is worse for many lactose intolerant people than milk.”

But surely they’d put that they’re lactose intolerant? Not just specifically cream?...

If I put lactose intolerant, people worry about bread and cakes with lactose in, yoghurt and cheese. I'm completely fine with all of these (ok, cheese is bad if I eat more than 30g) and want to cause the minimum fuss possible.

I usually put "lactose intolerant but fine with yoghurt, cheese, traces of dairy."

Not every allergy is life threatening they are extreme. Is the bar is who only make
You something else if it kills you? Does it matter if someone is sick? Comes out in hives? Or spends evening on the loo? Personally if you really can’t afford anything than one option just provide sandwich’s or let me bring my own. Or else you end up people only being able to pick around or avoid courses and be starving.

This is why we did a buffet!

But you can;t send something as rude as you suggest.

I have developed some odd allergies as an adult - some of them may be genuine.

I'm really torn here.
MIL is a crazy, whackjob with a million entirely fake allergies and it makes everyone's lives absolute hell (she has at least fifty allergens). For her, my response would be that if she can't eat anything then she may as well not come (and be pretty chuffed that there was a reason to keep the bat away). On the other hand, my sister, who's exceptionally lovely developed a huge number of allergies in her 30s - and she has anaphylactic reactions and has been hospitalised a number of times. I'd imagine that she comes across as a liar to some people that she tells but she's really not at all - and because they've developed so late, I'm sure people have seen her eat things that are now really dangerous for her.
If I were you, I'd probably phone each person and say "your RSVP says you're allergic to X, is that correct? We need to make sure it's all accurate for cross-contamination purposes and insurance stuff - and it costs more for each allergy too". People will find it much harder to lie to you directly.

A couple of my friends are allergic to pepper (bell pepper and also black pepper); one even has a thyme allergy! It sounds bizarre but is true, and they really don’t have fun if they have it by mistake. I think it’s a good suggestion of a PP to write back and clarify the degree of allergy and then you’ll know whether or not you can accommodate the requests.

YANBU to go and ask if this is an allergy, intolerance or preference.

I don't believe for a second that it's possible to have a cream allergy without also having a milk allergy / more general dairy allergy!

Write back and say that as it's impossible to cater for the whole 57 varieties allergies, you're sure they'll understand if their invitation is now evening only.
They might then decide that something that causes mild indigestion can just be pushed to the side of the plate!

I usually do what @Solidaritea does, for the same reason. Making foods with no milk/cream in is nigh on impossible. With a strong intolerance rather than an out an out allergy I am usually fine with things that have some dairy in them. But lumps of cheese, lashings of cream etc are to be avoided.

I worked in hospitality for many years both FOH and in the kitchen (hence username). I have run and managed many, many weddings I've the years
This menu situation is
A) exceptionally common and will cause no surprise to a decent caterer
B) a decent caterer will easily be able to accommodate all those dietary requirements, probably in one dish. This should not cost you more money. If I were catering your function I would suggest a simple dish of baked salmon with lemon & new potatoes or a roast chicken breast with gravy. Either could be served to all your allergen-claimants. Any caterer worth the title should be offering a veggie option

When my friend married she had a couple come who told her they were both coeliac. The bride asked the venue for a gluten free option to be made especially for them.

After the meals the wife of the couple went to my friend, absolutely furious that they had been unable to eat anything and that their dietary requirements hadn't been catered for. She'd been unable to eat any of meals - I can't remember what they were but they were essentially all meat/cheese based plus ice cream for dessert - because they all contained dairy and didn't the bride know that the couple were coeliacs and therefore allergic to dairy

@Mellonsprite

Yes *@castlepeak*, thank you. All these PP making people feel shit over genuine life threatening allergies that they are petrified about ever having a reaction to. Just as long as nothing inconveniences them.

Far worse are the people who think it’s completely fine to fabricate an allergy.

There was a thread a few months ago with an anxious OP who was worried that her child’s nursery were only halving and not quartering grapes. Several posters quite seriously advised her to claim that her child was allergic to grapes.

@katy1213

Write back and say that as it's impossible to cater for the whole 57 varieties allergies, you're sure they'll understand if their invitation is now evening only. They might then decide that something that causes mild indigestion can just be pushed to the side of the plate!

I'm not sure anyone would want to come to a wedding of someone as passive aggressive as that.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't bother continuing the friendship...

Cream gives me diarrhea for about 24 hours. You can't push cream in a sauce to the side of the plate. So I would literally bring my own food if someone couldn't cater. Which is fine, but I wouldn't bother if the person was as rude as you're suggesting.

As an allergy sufferer, I would completely welcome a phone call, text or email asking me to clarify each allergen and my constraints and requirements.

I want to stay safe, but create the minimum of effort on the part of my hosts. And hopefully still get to eat something yummy instead of plain boiled chicken.

I provided a choice of a vegan and carnivore/pescatarian menu and asked people to select before attending.
The caterers had a list of allergens in all the food/canapés available and if anyone queried ingredients the servers were told to refer the guest to the list. This saved any potential risks from the catering staff trying to be helpful. No one will suffer from eating a little less at an event.
As I have a DD with a nut allergy I take the issue extremely seriously, but, like you, knew some were using allergy as an excuse to tailer a menu to their individual taste. These always seem to people who never host events themselves and I now understand from MN, that many dislike weddings so I wish they would decline invitations rather than have to endure something they don't enjoy.