RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

My sister is catering for genuine allergies, and dietary issues. But not anything else.

Obviously catering for allergies are important but when it comes to intolerances and preferences you're under no obligation there! Me and my daughter are quite severely dairy intolerant (by which I mean any dairy really makes us both ill) we have a wedding coming up (bil and sil) and they haven't made any changes to the menu etc and it's fine, I'll ask what the menu is and we'll work around what's there and if I need to bring food for DD then so be it.

Youi don't give people the idea that their food preferences can be met. You set a menu - it would be courteous to include a vegetarian option, if not entirely vegetarian - and people can eat it or not.

Within a three or four course meal and canapes, plus possibly later evening food, there will be something they eat. They do what people at supper parties and banquets do and gently push what they don't eat around the plate and say it was delicious.

Anyone with a serious anaphylactic allergy is unlikely to risk eating from a catering kitchen.

Just offer the chicken dish. I have allergies myself and usually eat before any event and bring snacks. You can’t possibly keep everyone happy, the food is not the main event - don’t focus on it. It’s not a big deal

@worriedatthemoment

Why are there so many allergies nowadays I wonder ? Years ago you barely heard of them now they seem common...

Exactly what I said. I have asked this a few times, on here and on other forums/social media.

No-one ever comes up with a valid answer.

There's a vast difference between allergy, intolerance or preference.

I fall into the second category with a whole range of foods. Foods which I do still eat but either keep to a bare minimum or only when I know I'm going to be at home for 2-3 days afterwards (literally not leaving the house at all). So to others I might seem like I'm just being picky. I do still like these foods, they just don't like me.

I agree with PPs that people use the world allergy when they shouldn't. It annoys me and I don't even have an allergy. It minimizes the importance of removing allergens for those affected when others use it incorrectly or to describe less serious conditions.

OP you could contact the guests since listed requirements to discuss 'level of allergy' for cross contamination purposes. You'll probably get a better idea of who has an actual allergy that way. A simple meal of meat/fish with veg will cover most as an alternative.

[quote littlepattilou]@TheBirdIsTheWord Very annoying I agree. I also wonder, why there are so many people with 'allergies' these days. When I was a child/teen (1970s, and early 1980s,) there was nothing.

Now every man and his dog is allergic to something, dairy, nuts, mushrooms, wheat, shellfish, and fuck knows what else.

Too many stupid faddy ways of eating these days, that's the problem. So people have become much more intolerant of many foods.

I eat what the fuck I like, and always have. Guess what? No food allergies! Same with everyone else I know who eats what they want and always has. No food allergies.

Only the ones who have been faddy eaters - vegans and the like - have 'food allergies...'[/quote]
Well fucking bully for you. BTW you’re speaking absolute, un-educated bollocks.

They are being so selfish and pompous!
Contact them and say if it is an allergy you will do your best but can never guarantee.
To the rest,tell them they are being put on the vegan menu.probably the nicest option anyway.
Be interesting if they change their minds suddenly 😀

I am 52 and suddenly developed fairly frequent anaphylaxis in the last year . Am undergoing tests .
I would be happy to bring some safe food and eat a very limited meal if it could be provided and have a good time and not worry about having a reaction in public and a ride in an ambulance to A and E.
I would not expect you to cater for my limited diet .

@Kissthepastrychef

I worked in hospitality for many years both FOH and in the kitchen (hence username). I have run and managed many, many weddings I've the years This menu situation is A) exceptionally common and will cause no surprise to a decent caterer B) a decent caterer will easily be able to accommodate all those dietary requirements, probably in one dish. This should not cost you more money. If I were catering your function I would suggest a simple dish of baked salmon with lemon & new potatoes or a roast chicken breast with gravy. Either could be served to all your allergen-claimants. Any caterer worth the title should be offering a veggie option

This! Having run events for the last 20 years, including hundreds of award dinners, it is a very common situation and one that the caterers will manage easily. The only time I have been charged extra was for a table who requested a kosher menu as we were in the Park Lane Sheraton, one of a few hotels in London to have a separate kosher kitchen.

[quote littlepattilou]@worriedatthemoment

Why are there so many allergies nowadays I wonder ? Years ago you barely heard of them now they seem common...

Exactly what I said. I have asked this a few times, on here and on other forums/social media.

No-one ever comes up with a valid answer.[/quote]
Because no one really knows

This article is interesting, but highlights how limited our knowledge and understanding is. www.bbc.com/future/article/20201023-food-allergies-why-nut-dairy-and-food-allergy-are-rising

Some is because we are too clean and cautious. Some is because of bad prenatal and postnatal health advance in the twentieth century. A fair whack is overdiagnosis. But exactly why - not completely known.

@littlepattilou Guess you must have missed my post? I don't claim to have all the answers, but there are a few just a few off the top of my head.

Easiest solution is to change your veggie option so there's no cream, mushrooms, cheese or spice. That shouldn't be beyond your caterers. I agree it's annoying, but what can you do? Either you want them at your wedding - fed and happy - or you don't.

[quote littlepattilou]@worriedatthemoment

Why are there so many allergies nowadays I wonder ? Years ago you barely heard of them now they seem common...

Exactly what I said. I have asked this a few times, on here and on other forums/social media.

No-one ever comes up with a valid answer.[/quote]
Maybe because no ones knows why. Is it environmental? Is it about how food is produced? Is it to do with gut flora?

My intolerances developed over time. I'm not a picky eater. I'd rather not have them because they impact my life considerably yet they are very evident in their effects.

Why would someone pretend to have an allergy?
My dad is allergic to cheese specifically. Is fine with milk etc

OP, we had this issue a bit and so we asked each guest if:

• they're ok with choosing menu options without the ingredients, e.g. mushrooms;
• or if their allergy is so severe that we have to make sure there's no cross contamination.

There were couple of people we knew that had severe allergies and so we told the kitchen and chose the menus without those ingredients and that was not a problem.

Everyone else replied it's not severe so as long as they have an option to choose that's perfectly ok.

I know it's a bit annoying, but we were providing this menu for your guests and wanted them to have a good time, so I was actually glad they told us. And in the end we found a solution that worked for everyone and didn't break the bank. Food is extremely important for the wedding guests. If they end up hungry, they won't enjoy themselves, and may want to leave early.

According to other threads vegan food is apparently delicious, so you shouldn't get any complaints from the poor alergy sufferers.

Like all foods, vegan food can be delicious. It's just an awful lot harder to make it delicious once you've removed all the things that typically provide flavour (spices, mushrooms, and so on), and once you've realised that many dairy / meat replacements contain other allergens (gluten, in particular).

Why are there so many allergies nowadays I wonder ? Years ago you barely heard of them now they seem common...

Exactly what I said. I have asked this a few times, on here and on other forums/social media.

No-one ever comes up with a valid answer.

As @sar302 said upthread, they were undiagnosed and either died quickly and prematurely through anaphylaxis, or slowly and prematurely through the knock-on implications of things like coeliac disease.

For the same reason, there's also now a lot more DC around with severe disabilities - because a generation or two ago those children would simply have died at birth, but modern medicine keeps them alive nowadays.

Better diagnosis and treatment of allergies is just one of many reasons why childhood mortality has dropped over time.

No-one ever comes up with a valid answer. The only answer I have is that in the late 1960s lactose intolerance wasn't 'a thing' and I got shouted at most days for giving my school half pint to a friend. In the 80s a male GP investigating my bloated stomach suggested I might be intolerant, or it could just be 'a period thing'.

In the 2000s, having spend my adult life assuming I was lactose intolerant, another GP made me blow into a balloon or 6 and confirmed it.

That and many had to wait for there to be a laboratory test to be able to isolate an allergy. Coeliac for example was only recognised as an auto immune disease in the 90s.

So many people just had 'the bloat', IBS or other catch all description.

And then there is the fad, fashion element, obviously!

I go into anaphylaxis when I have turmeric or cumin (you would be surprised the amount of savoury and sweet food it is in as a colourant!). Its a very common soup and gravy base. It started 2 years ago.

I have an oral allergy to the skin of tree nuts and tree fruit.

It makes my life hell. I am constantly stressed. I have to read everything and I hate eating out because I feel like such a pain in the arse and a burden on my friends, on the waiting staff. Sometimes I don't eat while others do or come after. Hate not being able to be exploratory and try food. I love food!!! Feel bad for DH who loves a curry, Chinese or Mexican and I'm the downer who can't share a takeaway or eat from a food truck at the park.

I have my best friend's wedding in August and I said no nuts as that's an obvious one others will have. Fruit I can pick off but I'm too scared to tell her about the turmeric and cumin allergy because I don't want to be a pain in the bum. I'm hoping they release the menu in the lead up or maybe I can email chef to check (with friend's permission). I don't want her to change the menu for me but will just avoid food which is cooked with it.

To those asking why food allergies have become more common, might be worth checking out 'Another Person's Poison: A History of Food Allergy' by Matthew Smith (I'm not affiliated aside from being taught by him for a bit at uni!)
Allergy history is his field of expertise, in a fairly niche field it's probably worth a look.

Oh this is so annoying!

We had this at our wedding with a nut allergy, we obviously took it really seriously as did the venue so our whole menu was amended to ensure no cross contamination.

We went out with the guest a few weeks after the wedding and they ordered a piece of cake containing nuts and then told us that they just don't like big pieces of nut and that they aren't allergic.

I wouldn't even think about doing this at someone's wedding and would just eat around anything I wasn't keen on.

Im sure most of your guests do have genuine allergies/ intolerances but I think you will just have to ask people directly to confirm if an allergy/ intolerance or just a preference as another poster suggested above.

Allergies do develop all the time. Coeliac testing involves being told very firmly that it is very very important to eat wheat at least twice a day for months on end, then, if diagnosed, suddenly you're banned from it for life. Strange but true. I'm not saying all your naysayers have genuine allergies but some of them plausibly might.

OP, just gotta tell you, if your wedding is anything like mine, we over-fed. This meant people at the evening function who didn't stop to think food was offered too, just didn't turn up and we were about £250-£300 out of pocket for it!

@Wingingthis

Why would someone pretend to have an allergy? My dad is allergic to cheese specifically. Is fine with milk etc

So that people take it seriously.

People hear 'intolerance' they often hear 'picky or pretentious' which they can then cheerfully ignore.

I'd give them a call and just say the caters want to know if it is an allergy or a preference as there have been a high number returned.

The caters will be able to do a vegan option that encompasses most of them.