RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

As in avoids most of them.

Older people often say intolerance or something does not agree with them when they mean a non-life-threatening allergy.

@PeanutCat1

Oh this is so annoying!

We had this at our wedding with a nut allergy, we obviously took it really seriously as did the venue so our whole menu was amended to ensure no cross contamination.

We went out with the guest a few weeks after the wedding and they ordered a piece of cake containing nuts and then told us that they just don't like big pieces of nut and that they aren't allergic.

I wouldn't even think about doing this at someone's wedding and would just eat around anything I wasn't keen on.

Im sure most of your guests do have genuine allergies/ intolerances but I think you will just have to ask people directly to confirm if an allergy/ intolerance or just a preference as another poster suggested above.

This is the kind of thing that gives genuinely allergic people a bad name

@jellybeansforbreakfast

Write back to EVERYONE who sent in their allergy with

Dear X,

Just to let you know that the additional cost of supporting the high number of guests with allergies has meant that we have decided to change the menu quite considerably it is now plain roasted chicken, boiled green vegetables and boiled potatoes followed by fruit salad. Please let us know if anything in that would cause you any issues.

We are so glad that so many let you know as we had no idea that cream, mushrooms, peppers, chilli etc caused so many issues. Peace and Love xx

I have an anaphylactic allergy and I am well aware of what a pain it can be especially for others. The message above wouldn't bother me in the slightest but then again an un-invite or a small charge wouldn't either.

My epi-pen is always in my bag in a bright orange pouch.

It's why most weddings have dried chicken with veggies or a vegetable cutlet for the veggie/vegans. Have melon as a stand by starter and fruit salad as a dessert (leftover melon plus a few strawberries and blueberries.

A few of those sound like preferences rather than allergies, however if your menu is adventurous eg contains chilli it might also be generational

I wouldn't make the joke about the epipen, but I think it's fair to brief them in advance on the food that will be available. There is usually lots of waiting around at weddings so plenty of opportunity to eat a snack if they are worried about feeling hungry.

I used to be a wedding caterer and you wouldn't believe the bizzare list of allergies we would get given each time. I think my personal favourite was 'stoned fruit but only when cooked' 🤣🙈 people saying it should be easy enough for caterers to deal with these allergies, it's really not. Imagine catering for 120 people and 6 of them all have a different allergy. It can sometimes seriously mean another 6 different meals which adds so much time on to prep and serve while keep from being cross contaminated. Genuine allergies we were more than happy to cater for but a lot of the time it was just fussiness, never understand why people behave like this, we would get dishes sent back back saying 'so and so doesn't like potatoes' and we would have to make a fresh meal minus the potatoes. Just push them to the side of your plate, get a bloody grip and remember it's the bride and grooms day!

@soapboxqueen mine was a genuine interest , there seems to be more and it makes you wonder why , i know they existed but not to the degree it seems now?
If we knew why then we could maybe help, I developed an allergy to blackberries once and even kneeling on one caused a rash, yet I can know eat them cooked and used to eat them all the time raw but one day just came out on a rash , it was bizarre.
Older i am the more gluten causes me bloating as well and makes me wonder if food has changed a lot in whats added or like you say environmental etc

Why would someone pretend to have an allergy
Because of previous poor service. "I can't stand celery so please could you leave the celery off the salad". Said salad is sent out complete with celery. Therefore the person who hates the ingredient but isn't allergic says next time they might get some celery in the dish
"I'm allergic to celery"
To make sure

The cream and cheese ones I'd query to check if it was all dairy. It might turn out to just be blue cheese the cheese person is allergic too.

To add, I was not a faddy eater. I ate EVERYTHING. I lost 2 stone, was underweight and had a stressful patch in my life which maybe contributed to its development.

OP Id send the menu out asking who wanted to eat something from it. Those that didn't could go for cocktails at the bar.

People forget how much weddings cost and spiral out of control and I'm agog sometimes at the requests off guests.

Well I really can't see how it would be that difficult, nor cost more, to make one option which is dairy, mushrooms, nuts, peppers and chilli free. I also think you sound ignorant and rude to suggest a person can only have an allergy if they require an epi pen for it and you've not seen them eat the food before. My lo had a cows milk protein allergy, a diagnosed and dealt with by dieticians allergy, which did not require an epi pen but was indeed still an allergy. Celiacs often have digestive reactions to gluten only, again not requiring an epi men, they are no less unable to eat gluten because they don't need an epi pen.
And those saying intolerances shouldn't be catered for, only allergies. This is ignorant to. A person intolerant to dairy may end up vomiting at the wedding or stuck on the loo all evening. Why should they suffer? And why is it OK to cater for vegetarians which is a preference but not for someone with an intolerance to say onions? 🙄

And if I received it @StopGo I would probably feel much the same. I was only being semi sarcastic, pained.

What a nightmare! I'm allergic to nuts, but they're easy to avoid and spot too! (Actually only tree nuts). An allergy to chilli sounds odd, though!

It’s a difficult one. My MIL makes a real show out of being ‘virtually vegetarian’ - always asking for vegetarian menus to be provided - but eats chicken for almost every meal, eats ham, pork sausages, turkey and fish! I think she thinks only red meat is non vegetarian. They even have tomahawk steaks for special occasions! She always asks for a special menu for weddings etc - makes her feel special but negates those with real allergies.

@LockedFarAway

OP, just gotta tell you, if your wedding is anything like mine, we over-fed. This meant people at the evening function who didn't stop to think food was offered too, just didn't turn up and we were about £250-£300 out of pocket for it!

Gosh that's gut wrenching! I guess overfeeding is better than hungry guests. Luckily all the evening guests are aware that a buffet will be available so hopefully we wont get any no-shows. DH to be and I aren't super well off and we've scrimped and saved to pay for a big party so every penny counts for us. Wish we could just win the lottery!

[quote littlepattilou]@worriedatthemoment

Why are there so many allergies nowadays I wonder ? Years ago you barely heard of them now they seem common...

Exactly what I said. I have asked this a few times, on here and on other forums/social media.

No-one ever comes up with a valid answer.[/quote]
Some of theories include fewer digestive parasites, less exposure to bacteria (also linked to other autoimmune conditions) and just people been more aware of such things rather than accepting ill health.

No one knows for certain how the universe began but we know it’s here. Just because something can’t be explained doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

This is ignorant to. A person intolerant to dairy may end up vomiting at the wedding or stuck on the loo all evening. Not really. I'd just leave whatever I was intolerant to on the plate. I am not stupid about such things.

@Schoolpickup I think you should speak to your friend as thats a severe allergy and you may eat without realising and much better that the chef knows , you can't help a genuine allergy

Because of previous poor service. "I can't stand celery so please could you leave the celery off the salad". Said salad is sent out complete with celery.

Why not just leave the celery?

It's hard to say. Could be intolerance, could be them being difficult. Fwiw I'm veggie and don't eat dairy and to all friends weddings I will always say not to be afraid to only invite me to the evening if its too hard to accommodate because I don't want them stressing over my meal when it's their special day.

New wedding breakfast menu:

• Fancy tasty chicken dish
• Vegetarian dish
• Egg and chips (note: crisps will be available at the bar and there is a Domino pizza around the corner)

There is a reason dh and I eloped!!!

I have ibs, so have to avoid garlic and mushrooms, quorn (am veggie) and large volumes of salad (cooked veg cool, but salad sets me off - can get away with small amounts but too much and am ill). I don't need an epipen but I do have severe cramps, diarrhoea and feel totally rotten for 5 or so hours after. So might not fit your "allergy" criteria but I definitely avoid these foods. I would need to leave your party feeling like I do in an ibs attack though.

YY to the above. My Ds1 has a nut allergy and carries epipens (how did we find this out- the hard way as is usual!). So we take allergies seriously.

At our wedding Dh was telephoned the morning of by a friend of his to say his wife had a dairy allergy. This had not been communicated to us when we sent out the invitations (despite a note in it asking to be advised of any dietary preferences or allergies). So the monring of my wedding I was frantically calling the caterers to try and arrange a substitute. As we had beef wellington on the plan and the caterers were out of their minds with busy-ness (their second job in business!) it ended up being a palaver. Cue back and forth with DH's friend and the caterers trying to sort out an alternative.

a year later we were all out for dinner with this couple and she ordered potato dauphinoise. I said'Oh I thought you had a dairy allergy'. The reply was 'Oh it won't hurt just this once'.

So, not an allergy then.