RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

I developed an intolerance to certain seafood well into my 20s, I love them so it isn´t fussy eating. Anyone who saw stuffing seafood as a teen would be very bemused.

@Solidaritea

I'm intolerant to milk. Only been an issue for a couple of years and it's getting worse. My friends mostly don't know because I don't like to go into details of my gastrointestinal tract when I'm with anyone but my closest friends and family. I've obviously not seen many friends in the last two years, so even more reason people wouldn't know.

I'm going to a couple of weddings later this year. I ummed and aahed about whether to put it down as a dietary requirement. I know it's a pain for caterers. But it's literally painful for me to eat milk products.

In the end, I put lactose intolerant for one wedding but not for the other. So I probably seem like a complete liar now!

I work in catering. Saying you're lactose or dairy intolerant round here would mean you just get the vegan option - there's always a few vegans nowadays so it's no extra faff to include you with them.

It's really helpful to know if cross-contamination is an issue for you or not too. It's much more of a headache when someone is so severely anaphylactic that a "may contain nuts" on the ingredients list of an ingredient is cause for concern.

The ones that claim to have a long list of allergies that mean they basically need something cooked especially for them are the pains - along with the "gluten free" ones who are later spotted eating wedding cake that definitely isn't GF

@PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat

Surely if you know them well enough to invite to your wedding you also know them well enough for you or DH to ring them and ask for further information about their allergy as it’s news to you.

Well yeh but that's still mega awkward even if you know someone well. If we called and said 'we didnt know you were allergic to tomatoes, could have sworn you uploaded a plate of cherry toms on your instagram last week' it's not going to go well!

I understand what people are saying about my OP coming across rude. It was not my intention, please forgive. I really meant it in a way that you see on chocolate bars - you know when it says this doesn't contain nuts but might have been made near nuts sort of thing. Not 'take your chances and maybe die, I dont care'. The epipen part I guess would be to see how committed people are to claiming they have a serious allergy but also, if it genuinely is true and everyone has developed new allergies this year then it is useful for us to know what to do if they have a reaction! One of our guests with a nut allergy carries an epipen and always lets everyone know where it is if we go out in case there's an accident. We're not completely heartless! We dont want sick guests.

You'll never please everyone. My own wedding one person announced they were vegetarian on the day and refused to eat. When her wedding came around I told her my dd had Allergies, that we'd bring food for her or if possible we'd pay to have her food made up as we were staying in the hotel with no real cooking facilities , they insisted on sorting it and paying, during the speeches we were nicely included with "we hope xxxx enjoyed her adult meal, the smallest person here with the biggest meal", I was mortified... We never asked for an adult meal just food without shit that could kill her, we offered to pay. We did hear back that we did it out of spite because the bride said she was vegetarian at my wedding. Funny thing is she's eaten meat since...

It's just one of those things where someone will be put out. I experience at my own wedding and was the culprit at another wedding.

And don't worry about canapés, "dinner" and cake. I'm severely intolerant to gluten and I've been catered for (main meal) at at least 5/6 weddings now. I expect to be fed once in the day! But not the extra stuff. I just take snacks and have a midnight feast back in the hotel room.

because they all contained dairy and didn't the bride know that the couple were coeliacs and therefore allergic to dairy If you live near Helston I may know them

DSis is coeliac and has friends who have always claimed to be. They all went to a wedding, DSis had a lovely meal, the chef was reassuring and the food well cooked. Her friends were furious as they had to go hungry. Nobody quite uunderstood what the problem was and the wife even told DSis that she was just storing up trouble for herself by eating all that cheese!

Do chicken & potatoes for all allergics

I developed lactose intolerance as an adult. Cheese was my favourite food as a vegetarian teen so in a similar situation I might have caused some scepticism. As it is an intolerance rather than an allergy, in the comfort of my own home sometimes I try a bit of dairy. Sometimes it's fine; sometimes I blow up like a balloon and can be writhing in agony. So at work functions and occasions like weddings I would always say "no dairy".

Its tricky for you but it may be that people actually have those allergies or intolerances.

Yabu with fake allergies but not all allergies require an epi - pen. None iGE allergies an make the person very ill but the reaction is not immediate.

If I was coming to your wedding I would reply saying I’m allergic to dairy, soya and coconut. I’m not allergic to them but my breast feed toddler is. I can eat coconut oil but no other coconut products and I can eat up to cheese on the milk ladder so I can have pizza but I can’t have uncooked cheese, yoghurt or milk as they would make my child very ill. Her allergies have been medically diagnosed and she is under NHS care for them.

The only thing you can do is serve the food you want to people with no dietary restrictions, and an alternative for everyone who has. If that ends up being plain boiled potatoes and lettuce because that’s the only thing not ruled out, so be it.

Not all allergy sufferers carry an epipen. I’m allergic to peanuts but have never had a full anaphylactic reaction to them. I would be very poorly though.

I can see it’s frustrating but honestly I’d just go for a very boring choice to try and suit all the ‘allergies’ in one hit. For our wedding anyone with an allergy had a poached pear for dessert (which was very nice, to be fair). My cousin (gluten and dairy allergic, apparently) said during the course of the afternoon that they were disappointed and wanted the ‘normal’ dessert. I said “but you’re allergic to it?” and the conversation kind of awkwardly tailed off...

@Solidaritea it is very common.

Just tell people and at weddings depending on the number of other people who are lactose intolerant you will either a meat starter and meat main that you can eat, or you will get the vegan option.

(On airlines you get the vegan, halal, kosher or a weird vegetarian option.)

If we called and said 'we didnt know you were allergic to tomatoes, could have sworn you uploaded a plate of cherry toms on your instagram last week' it's not going to go well!

Well obviously but you wouldn’t say that. You’d say, ‘oh auntie Joan! I had no idea you were allergic to tomatoes! Now, can I just check, is that raw tomatoes or if they’re used in cooking too? Is it just tomatoes or all nightshades?’ Or ‘Auntie Joan, I feel awful - I didn’t know you were allergic to tomatoes. Were you terribly ill after the pizza at my birthday party?’

Why are there so many allergies nowadays I wonder ? Years ago you barely heard of them now they Seem common?
I have a family member who recently told us he is allergic to peanuts , in the whole nearly 30 years we have known him , he has never said this before and there have been partied and food with peanuts etc, and claims he always has been
I can only assume its not a serious allergy otherwise telling us 30 years ago may of been advisable
I second checking if geniune allergies or just dislikes and maybe doing one very plain meal for allergie sufferers but yes cross contamination often can't be ruled out , especially with so many different ones

Lighthearted and no disrespect to allergy sufferers ..

Could you serve a picky eaters special menu as guests come to a wedding to share the couple’s happy day? No one expects gourmet food.

Off the top of my head .... something like

Avocado vinaigrette

Then

Roasted stuffed red peppers with steamed summer veggies/new potatoes (sauce /dressings on the side)

Then

Strawberries in raspberry purée - cream, sorbet or ice cream on side

E.g menu that could be adapted for vegan, vegetarian or gluten free diets also ???

It's not your problem, send it to the catered and they'll adapt those meals accordingly. You don't need to get your knickers in a twist over it

Caterers

@littlepattilou there were people allergic to food stuffs in the early 80s. I had friends allergic to some fruits, my mum had nut allergies and one of my sisters' was/is allergic to peanuts. The difference none of them weren't severely allergic.

However roll on the 90s and two of my parents' grandchildren, so two generations later, had to start to carry epipens as they are severely allergic. (Incidentally they have at least one parent who had hayfever.)

This argument gets trotted out time and time again and quite frankly, it's nonsense.

In days gone by, people with severe allergies died. They just died. Usually as babies or small children. My DS had an anaphylactic response to egg at 6 months old, and without emergency medical care (we had him treated within about 10mins) he might well have died.

Coeliac babies today are often noticed by their "failure to thrive", and specific medical tests can confirm their illness and they can develop normally. Previously, they would have just starved to death, as their body wouldn't have absorbed nutrients, or they would have lived to be sickly adults and died young of bowel cancer or related illness.

I grew up in the 80s on a plastic-y white bread diet. Started getting chronically ill at about 28 yrs old. Ended up in hospital and now have to eat gluten free - it's mostly shit, but that's life. Nothing to do with not eating wheat at any point in time. I miss it terribly.

I don't know if it's modern food manufacturing methods? Or whether allergies get stronger generation after generation? But people get ill because they get ill. They have allergies because they have allergies. It's not a moral failing or fault 🤨

I don't have any time for real fakers however. Gluten free except for pizza Fridays - bugger off.

This might be slightly outing but I had a guest attending my wedding that is allergic to EVERYTHING (dairy, nuts, gluten, chillis, all herbs and spices, garlic, onions etc). She ended up ordering a plain chicken breast (cooked in oil, no butter) with no salt and pepper and boiled potatoes (no veggies as she had random allergies to certain fruit and veg too). Honestly I was so terrified I was going to kill her that I must have emailed the venue about 1000 times asking that they could guarantee that her food would not be contaminated. They assured me everything would be fine and that her food would be perfectly prepared separately every single time and took so much care over her food. She ended up not coming lol.

Agree with others - depending how many meal choices you can offer for your budget, make the vegan option the dairy/nut/egg etc free option.
I’m allergic to dairy and egg. When I eat out I always choose the vegan option anyway to be safe. Anyone with a real allergy will be very cautious and pick a safe meal full stop.
For our wedding we selected our menu based around the most common allergies and then asked people to make a choice in advance. It tends to put the responsibility back on your guests. If you ask for any allergies, you’re leaving yourself more open to endless lists. One of our guests was allergic to almost everything it seemed - she brought her own food.

I think it is reasonable to clarify how dangerous the allergy is. My DP has an allergy to some nuts but always makes sure to say it is not an anaphylactic type one and cross-contamination is not an issue. He can even pick it out and be fine. It is only an issue if they are hidden and he eats a large quantity without realising it. A small amount is fine.
Kitchens do need to know if cross-contamination is an issue or not. Because avoiding that is a lot of extra work.

Presumably the caterer does a vegan option? Can you make sure that covers all the ‘allergies’ (pick something that’s not mushroom) as well as genuine vegetarians, vegans, halal etc.? I would make an effort to substitute for any gluten allergies but other than that they get the dish with the problematic element removed.

This. Vegan already covers the dairy intolerent. Just remove mushrooms, nuts, peppers and all spices from the vegan option. Talk to your caterers about what they have which covers this and is cheap too.

According to other threads vegan food is apparently delicious, so you shouldn't get any complaints from the poor alergy sufferers.