RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

@FrankensteinIsTheMonster you see that just makes me wonder why the kitchen can't accommodate it - if they can't make a simple item of fresh food are they just buying everything in ? A chef with a knife, a pan, a chopping board and basic equipment/skills should be able to knock up most things

I think it was more that they didn't have the time/inclination/ingredients to do a one-off individual meal for me kiss.

Death that's pretty much what I ended up doing… the only time I just skipped the meal altogether despite pressure to show up was when the starter was couscous with cheese and the mains were game or Actual Lumps Of Solid Gluten and I just could not be arsed 😂

Pressor amines tend to show up in aged proteins. So game, aged cheese, dried meats… all the kinds of things that tend to get dragged out for special occasion meals. Plus most veggie alternatives are either fermented proteins of some kind, or giant lumps of gluten.

Normal everyday food,a low tyramine diet isn't actually that hard to achieve.

@adrianmolesmole can you have those foods when cooked? Cooking often breaks down the proteins so that may help you consume them safely. I hope that having a name for it helps a little. It is a fairly common syndrome for those with pollen allergies.

Mushrooms really do make a lot of people feel unwell. I don't know what it is exactly, but they make me vomit quite profusely. I can eat Quorn and tiny bits of mushroom probably wouldn't do much, but a mushroom sauce would mean my head was down the loo most of the night.

It was expensive and only really worked because we had a small wedding, but I'm really glad we ignored advice and didn't have a set menu (reception was at a restaurant in a hotel).

@Slothsloths yes I think I might be OK with them cooked, though I tend to avoid them, at least I've had warm apple in crumbles etc which was OK, and peas I'm OK with when cooked well, when they're underdone I get an itchy throat.

@TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain mushrooms I'm OK with, as long as they're well done, if underdone I get a tummy ache! A few years ago I projectile vomited three times over a period of two weeks (sorry tmi!), even at work, and I couldn't work out what was causing it, but then I looked through the ingredients of the foods I'd eaten just before and realised they all contained shiitake mushrooms, so now I don't know if I'm allergic to that? I'm fine with button/ordinary mushrooms, but the big ones scare me! I haven't had them since because I'm so scared of the reaction! Lol.

My DD has Coeliac Disease and is therefore on a strict no gluten diet. It is not an allergy or an intolerance to gluten, but an autoimmune disease, so we need 100% reassurance that none of her food has been cross contaminated. She has her own toaster, chopping board, butter etc at home because even a crumb can make her very poorly. Unfortunately there are no epi pens for Coeliacs and she would have to bring her own food if she couldn't be catered for.

You may think they are being unreasonable but they may get sick from eating it. Just tell them you cannot accommodate them.

So @TheBirdIsTheWord what have the caterers come up with

Think it was @Kissthepastrychef who mentioned a meal/menu that all allergies you mentioned could eat

My 12 year old daughter has a life threatening milk allergy. Life is extremely stressful for her. I hope she’ll never be treated like this.

@TheBirdIsTheWord I wouldn't change anything and just reply that given the overwhelming replies of allergies, the following options are now available and please tick one

1. normal meal
2. vegetarian meal
3. all-allergies -combined meal consisting of a sandwich platter (gluten-free, dairy free, nut free, mushroom free, cream-free) and fruit platter en-=lieu of cake

The focus of the day is your wedding not sorting guests' feeding needs.
Many allergies will disappear

@sqirrelfriends

I'm sure the caterer will be used to it.

We had loads of imaginary allergies at our wedding. One friend of mine wanted gluten free, nut free vegan menu and was surprised when she got loads of veg and potatoes. I had warned her what the caterers had planned but she insisted. On the day, she liked the look of the vegetarian main and asked for that instead which they confirmed had nuts, gluten and dairy. They had to ask the best man who said fine and it ended up costing us an extra £25. She also had a buffet section to herself and a separate bread bowl with gluten free rolls, none of it was touched.

A few egg allergies too, most of whom tried the egg based desert.

The one person with a serious allergy never made a fuss.

A few egg allergies too, most of whom tried the egg based desert.

Lots of people with egg allergies can eat it in other forms. Look at the egg ladder

Yes to this. My DC1 had an egg allergy and part of the treatment was using the egg ladder... so giving him cake and monitoring it, then cooked egg then whatever it was. All under the guidance of his allergy specialist.

Just as an aside, yesterday we ate at Wagamama. Their allergy protcol was outstanding. The manager took the order and went through every dish we wanted to order with me, And they cook things separately. I was so impressed.

A few egg allergies too, most of whom tried the egg based desert.

Lots of people with egg allergies can eat it in other forms. Look at the egg ladder

Yes my sister as a child could eat eggs in things, but a boiled egg made her violently sick.

Slothsloths

Yes, it's not an anaphylactic food allergy but something called oral allergy syndrome. If I eat certain types of pears I am absolutely fine whereas other varieties make my tongue and throat swell up. I know it sounds odd but it's true. It also makes it difficult to answer "What are you allergic to?" because it's complicated and boring for other people.

So you have an OAS to most likely birch pollen that cross-reacts with pears but I think you are getting confused with regards to varieties of pears - similar to poster above who claimed her dad was allergic to cheese (implying CMA) but could eat yogurt and drink milk.
It’s impossible to be allergic to some variety of pears but not to others; any allergy doctor will confirm this to you.

It is probably the case of so-called “allergy bucket”
allergyasthmanetwork.org/news/water-bucket-allergy-immunotherapy/

People with OAS are effectively allergic to pollen (hayfever). Pollen proteins present in some fruit and veg (cross-reactivity). Pollen counts are high in summer, low in winter. In summer you allergy “bucket” is full due to pollen so if you have OAS, you might start having OAS symptoms (tingley itchy mouth or lips) to some fruit/veg; in winter your allergy “bucket” is low - you might able to eat the same fruit then with no or very mild symptoms

It’s not about varieties of pears.

And yes, protein is destroyed once fruit/veg is cooked.

Additionally, I’m sorry, but calling OAS an “allergy”and going around explaining people that you are allergic to some “varieties” of pears is over exaggerating and giving people impression that real allergies are fad; OAS won’t kill you - it’s just an itchy mouth.

There’s a reason it is under different name and category as OAS
Ive it too and I’d never dream of asking restaurant to cater for my “allergy” - i’ll simply move it off my plate. It’s just an itchy mouth after all.

And please, don’t go around explaining people about your “allergy to certain variety of pears”. Because when I come after you asking to accommodate my DC’s fucking once-a-year meal out - they will, rightfully, roll their eyes.

As I said up above, as a parent of a child with severe life threatening allergies (cant eat, can’t touch, can’t be in the same room as certain foods when it’s being cooked, most definitely can’t have “certain varieties”, won’t be able to eat it if it’s been e.g. handled with the same utensils) who survived multiple anaphylactic shocks and carries multiple Epipens and shitload of other meds, i often despair at what people call an “allergy.” (lactose- fructose- gluten- intolerance; headache after red wine; bloated after eating cheese; egg but only in homemade cakes; OAS aka itchy mouth etc)

I'm surprised brides/organisers had time at these functions to monitor exactly what their guests were eating and cross referencing it with their reported allergies.

[quote Cormoran]@TheBirdIsTheWord I wouldn't change anything and just reply that given the overwhelming replies of allergies, the following options are now available and please tick one

1. normal meal
2. vegetarian meal
3. all-allergies -combined meal consisting of a sandwich platter (gluten-free, dairy free, nut free, mushroom free, cream-free) and fruit platter en-=lieu of cake

The focus of the day is your wedding not sorting guests' feeding needs.
Many allergies will disappear[/quote]
As the focus is on the wedding not gifts maybe the OP would like to forego wedding presents too ?
It's also really nice to see you're so hospitable. Oh, you have an allergy to nuts do you ? Well that's quite inconvenient for me to tell the caterer that I'm paying so while everyone else is enjoying a three course delicious feast you can have a sandwich and an apple and be bloody grateful because I'm paying for it and you have no right to expect any consideration

you can have a sandwich

Not even a sandwich, a gluten free sandwich! I'm coeliac and only eat gf bread if desperate

@YellowScallion that's exactly the job of the event manager. It's really extremely simple to deal with pre-ordered special diets when you have a seating plan, as most weddings do.
I've managed hundreds of wedding over a reasonably lengthy hotel management career. I can probably count on the fingers of one hand those that had no special diets

The job of an event manager is to monitor who with egg allergies is eating the egg based dessert (presumably in a buffet style environment as if table service the people with allergies wouldn't have the dessert to eat in the first place)? And then report this back to the bride - "by the way, your guests ate the dessert even though they said they had allergies"

Oh, and OP @TheBirdIsTheWord, I feel your pain - I see these people with their made up pretend or insignificant allergies almost every day.

It’s funny how, once I ask certain questions (shitload of experience as spent many years observing my child desperately trying to avoid going into anaphylactic shock on everyday basis), they embarrassingly start to backtrack.

I’ve no advice on how to deal with them.

As my child often say “I hope everyone would become severely allergic, experience going anaphylactic shock and has to use an epipen just for one day - just to understand what it means”

It has taken me 27 years to realise I'm unable to have dairy, egg and soya! For 27 years I'd have chronic shits and often just shat myself. Drs were baffled.

Since cutting out those 3 things (although I can stomach small quantities of baked in eggs), I no longer have bowel issues. No more bleeding, no more bloating no more needing to plan where to toilet always is.

But ofc some family members think this is all a fad 🙄 and I'm just attention seeking 🙄 which is why I was secretly force fed a sandwich with dairy in 😢 I was so ill afterwards.

So it really upsets me to see some people on here being so dismissive. Sure, I might not need an epi pen and it's not immediately life threatening my allergy, but I'm sure no one would want me to shit on the dance floor at a wedding and then be unable to leave the toilet for the next 3 days?

As awkward as the conversations are with guests about individual requests, I think you have to have them.

Call up just the ones you suspect are lying (how many? 5 people?) and say “can I just check the details of your allergy- is it something we can work around with the dish (eg you pick it out) or is it something which actually necessitates a totally different meal?”

Friends won’t mind- just be straight with them.

Scarydinosaurs is spot on with a suggestion. If they're friends and family then just ask and they'll be happy to explain.

I'm so surprised the venue isn't catering for allergies. Really disappointing that in 2021 its not something they can take seriously. All the other restaurants, take aways and wedding venues I've recently been to have been amazing at creating altered meals to accommodate, even those who had set menus.