To feel sad when you are the only childless person...

[Namechangeme1]

Just that really. I never thought this would be me but I feel really sad that life is different.

That not having children would make you feel so alien to 95% or other people.

DH says find new friends. I find this impossible - I'm outgoing and confident but whenever starting new relationships they seem to be flaky and then fizzle out or feel like a one way street.

It's a really sad situation and feel it burdens females most - has anyone else had this happen to them? Any advice?

I just feel like my youth is almost over and unless I also become a parent I'll be an outsider forever amongst most friendship groups.

It's just not the same - people change after children. It's not for better or for worse but it's just difficult to maintain solid friendships after.

'Also, just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I don’t understand anything about them, or have the ability to empathise'

Definitely. Some childfree people know plenty about children, either through personal or professional experience - that may in fact have informed their decision to stay childfree! I think a lot of parents knew NOTHING whatsoever about children before they became parents and they project that on to everyone who isn't a parent

Definitely. Some childfree people know plenty about children, either through personal or professional experience - that may in fact have informed their decision to stay childfree! I think a lot of parents knew NOTHING whatsoever about children before they became parents and they project that on to everyone who isn't a parent

That’s interesting !

I think many people can empathise with children even if they don’t have them.

But not many can empathise with parenting and parents unless they’re one.

It’s the honest truth. They’re seperate things.

I was a nursery teacher before having kids abs I though I was totally ready. But parenting took me by surprise because it’s a lot more than just keeping a child engaged. Physically, phsysiologuclaly and the relentnessness of the mental load.

So it’s not about empathising with the child it’s about empathising with parents.

'i think many people can empathise with children even if they don’t have them.'

Not many people do, from my personal and professional experience. I find empathy is a very rare quality, and empathy for children very much included. A lot of people see children as problems to be solved, not people to be understood

I'm sorry you're going through that OP. I totally get what you mean about feeling left out - before I had my DS I would go round friends houses on a Friday evening and there would be all of our friends with kids. You couldn't ever have a proper conversation with someone because they'd constantly be interrupted by their toddler or have a nappy situation to deal with. Then they'd put Gangnam style on and the toddlers would all jump up to dance and grab their parents too to have a little dance. I'd either have to sit there looking like a right kill joy or get up and dance alone like an idiot! I stopped going in the end because it was too embarrassing. Now though all their kids are almost teens so when we go round now they hide away in their rooms and we have proper conversations that don't revolve around kids.
Once I had DS I'd go to the rhyme times and toddler events and was bored stiff hearing people only ever talking about breastfeeding, weaning, sleeping patterns, how their baby was developing compared to others etc. I stopped going eventually because it was so dull and it felt like these mothers had had lobotomies. I'm sure I was just as bad though- those early years are all consuming. When I was on maternity leave I would regularly invite my best friends from work round who had no children and foist the baby on to DH for the evening. They couldn't have given a shit about weaning and instead we'd just talk about office gossip, music, holidays, tv etc and it was heaven not to focus on constant baby talk. They weren't all that interested in my son other than a cuddle when they first came round, and that was fine by me. Hopefully in time once your friends kids are a bit older they get back to their normal selves and you can feel more comfortable around them.

@shrodingersbiscuit sorry to hear and I understand how it's lonely 💐

There are loads of child free by choice women. It's not really rare these days.

I've only ever known one person who was child free by choice. Some friends don't have children but its not by choice, same with family members.

Do you want kids op?

@nancybotwinbloom currently TTC so yes

Sorry op I didn't see this I skim read the thread. I hope I haven't upset you.

Im sorry if I have I should if read it properly.
Good luck Trying to conceive snd I hope it works out for you.

Ffs I'm sorry I should of read it properly I meant.

@nancybotwinbloom that's ok and no you didn't upset me. Thank you for your message