To feel sad when you are the only childless person...

[Namechangeme1]

Just that really. I never thought this would be me but I feel really sad that life is different.

That not having children would make you feel so alien to 95% or other people.

DH says find new friends. I find this impossible - I'm outgoing and confident but whenever starting new relationships they seem to be flaky and then fizzle out or feel like a one way street.

It's a really sad situation and feel it burdens females most - has anyone else had this happen to them? Any advice?

I just feel like my youth is almost over and unless I also become a parent I'll be an outsider forever amongst most friendship groups.

It's just not the same - people change after children. It's not for better or for worse but it's just difficult to maintain solid friendships after.

May best friend of 29yrs doesn't have kids and we adore her x

I completely agree. I am in my early 30s and most of my friends have young babies. Whilst I have been excited for them I have found it difficult to cope with the way the friendship changes. I have (some) friends who only want to talk about their baby and never ask about my day. Birthdays and personal achievements don't get recognised and yet there is an expectation to organise baby showers, send gifts when the baby is born, and feign excitement about a new milestone the baby has met. It has made me feel quite resentful as it seems there is this expectation that the childfree friend should always be there without it being reciprocated. I am hoping this changes.

Do you not enjoy spending time with kids?

I have a few child free friends but they really enjoy playing aunties with my kids and then when the kids are napping we get to have our adult time

@Royalbloo

May best friend of 29yrs doesn't have kids and we adore her x

So patronising

Every time I spend time with children I think how cute they are. I am also entirely bemused why the fuck anyone would want them ALL THE TIME and then I go home and lie around in peace and quiet doing whatever I want

I agree with lots of PPs. Time with them without kids. More time with non kid friends. The time when they are little is reasonably short and everything is kid related and then they can go off and do things while you chat and it is much better

I have a young child and would probably distance myself from any friend who so clearly didn’t want to be around them as you seem to be.

I have child free friends and spend time with just them when I can, but sometimes when they see me my kid will beed to be there too and I’d be really upset if I knew they resented that in the way you seem to.

I think the issue can often be the friends with kids not taking an interest in the lives of friends without them. I haven't lost any bond with my friends without kids as I'm still as interested in them and their lives as I was before I had my own. And I don't go on and on about my DC - why would I? Some people just too self-absorbed/ absorbed in their own lives I think.

I'm now 50 and our friends all have kids that are beginning to leave the nest. Don't worry you'll time will come again. Ours are low to mid teen and I'm counting the years.

[quote Namechangeme1]@AuldFox that's positive to hear, perhaps though from their perspective they have struggled. The main struggle is that people become 5 times more preoccupied with children. Understandably but I personally feel it creates feelings of loneliness at least for me anyway. I can't speak with other children free people that's just my experience. [/quote]
I was childless not by choice and had IVF. Now I have a child. I really don't think I have changed. I have had friends who have though and become obsessive mummies to the point they couldn't leave their child with the father because God forbid he would have to look after his own child. That made sustaining a relationship very hard and as someone who wanted kids so much, I wouldnt want to have my social time at soft play or some other kid centred activity. My advice is to find friends without kids or who actually want some time away - there are people out there who love their kids but are their own person and want their own time. Don't write off people with kids but also don't put yourself through a painful experience (I.e. being reminded of your childlessness sat at soft play) for the sake of having a friend.

It is hard to make new friends in 30s but not impossible. I have met friends on local Facebook social groups. At the gym. All sorts. Just be bold and brave and speak to people. It does take time and alot of people have friendship groups so you can feel like its hard to join established ones. However there are loads of people in their 30s who really feel like you and you don't know unless you try xx

Friends with kids who want time away, not without:)

@DeepThinkingGirl

Do you not enjoy spending time with kids?

I have a few child free friends but they really enjoy playing aunties with my kids and then when the kids are napping we get to have our adult time

Its more complex than this and this comment can be quite hurtful to some childless people. If childless not by choice it can involve alot of grief. Some people can throw themselves in an auntie role to deal with it. Others find it incredibly painful and easier to not surround themselves with children. It depends on the person and also why they are childless. It is a shame more people do not understand that

@DeepThinkingGirl

Do you not enjoy spending time with kids?

I have a few child free friends but they really enjoy playing aunties with my kids and then when the kids are napping we get to have our adult time

No I hate it lol

@Vikingintraining thank you SO much - genuinely got a bit of a lump in my throat reading that...as no one cares!!!

@ColaOlaLa

How is saying I’ve experienced the opposite “insensitive” 🤨 lots of people find that their friends stop bothering with them once they have kids, item happens both ways, so only child free people can comment?

I don't find it insensitive either, it does change if you are out of step from your friends

I don't find it insensitive either

You have children?

My friends disappeared the moment I had my first DC. I was very alone and they stopped caring about me instantly, when I couldn't do the social things they wanted to.

As such, I had to make new friends and the easiest places to meet them were at child related things, baby groups and the like.

Have noticed that friends who buggered off got back in touch when they became mums themselves, but by then I was busy.

It's really hard making friends as an adult.

I think good friends are good friends regardless- it’s not particularly fun being the first of your friends to have babies either, having to slog it out on play dates where the only thing you have in common with the other parent is the age of your off spring.
Having said that I lost the odd friend after having my first, but my good friends are still there, they make effort to be around my children and I make an effort to have phone calls, dinners, adult time without my child. A good friend is a good friend, even with less time.

Do your friends know you hate being around their children?
Can't you be around their kids for the sake of your friendships?

In the nicest way possible, you don't sound the maternal type at all @Namechangeme1

There are other ways to make friends with others that don't have children. In my opinion they tend to be more career orientated, people that love to travel and have a great social life.

People don’t become boring because they have kids. They were always boring. There are fun, interesting people both with kids and interesting people without. But it’s tricky finding them and of course people with youngish kids tend to have more constraints on their time than those without.

I find it really hard and feel very lonely, all of my long term friends have young ish children and I'm childless not by choice. I'm involved and interested in them and their childrens lives (as they are in mine) but its just a hard feeling of being separate and different, plus they've made lots more friends along the way via their kids, I think it will get easier over time but it does feel really hard at the moment.

@Peach01

Do your friends know you hate being around their children? Can't you be around their kids for the sake of your friendships?

Yes I can be and I do. Why would I tell someone I don't like being around their kids? It's not really an ideal thing to say and is kinda unnecessary

Wouldn't it be possible to set up a club for child free people?

YANBU at all OP. I’m the same. I am happy not having children but I 100% feel the sense of being an outsider with... well almost every woman my age I know. I don’t want to be in the club, I just wish there were more women ouside the club, with me.

@Justbeenjabbed

YANBU at all OP. I’m the same. I am happy not having children but I 100% feel the sense of being an outsider with... well almost every woman my age I know. I don’t want to be in the club, I just wish there were more women ouside the club, with me.

There are loads of child free by choice women. It's not really rare these days.

@burnoutbabe it still is rare. Every single one of my friends have had children or are pregnancy so it can't be that uncommon