Life is such a long, relentless slog

[Whatapalavaa]

I'm feeling very miserable after the bank holiday weekend. Life is one long slog. Work, work, work. 4 weeks off a year that we should be grateful for. Trying to fit hobbies and rest into evenings and weekends. Repeat for however many years. I am late 20s and the years stretching ahead are terrifying. I cannot wait to retire. It all feels like a con. Can anyone relate?

Totally agree with you, it's depressing.
Can you adjust your lifestyle to work part time?

I felt like this, which was the main driver for starting a business on the side. Now I work for myself and it's insane but glorious - would recommend! Though there is much less time at the moment for hobbies and time off, I'm doing something I love most of the time so it's not a problem.

I understand where you're coming from though, I remember in my early twenties feeling like I'd been mis-sold adulthood!

I was just saying the same to DH, particularly regarding shortening the school summer holiday. Not having a distinct break between school years would mean that what you’re describing would start at 4 years old, just slogging away with only a series of short breaks, until you (hopefully) retire.

Yes I agree. I've been working for 20 years and still have another 30 (at least) to go. It's unbearable at times, especially as I am at an age when I know my mind isn't quite as sharp as it was (humans peak at about 27, and it's all downhill from there). I sometimes wonder how I will keep going and whether my mind will be able to cope with work in my sixties.

I've got a job currently where I work longer hours with short lunch breaks Mon-Thur to get Friday off. It's given me a much better balance. Yes the other days are long but it's not too bad because three days at the weekend gives me time to recharge in a way that two days doesn't. I work 37.5 hours so this is feasible, if you worked 40 hours it might be harder.

The worst part of it is knowing I can be made redundant at any time. Not because I am bad at my job but because someone high up decides they can make 0.001% more profit by moving my job elsewhere. It's happened to me already in my career and it could easily happen again - almost certainly will. It's depressing because whenever it happens it sets me back a few years in terms of pay.

Yes, I know what you mean, although I know I should be grateful to have a job. It all seems a bit pointless. I'm not sure my health will be good enough by the time I retire to enjoy my retirement, meanwhile all my best years will have gone by sitting behind a desk. Holidays, weekends, pass in a flash and often they're so highly anticipated that they are spoiled by a sense of anti-climax. & working all week in blazing sunshine, then Saturday comes and it's pissing down with rain ... I could go on, but I'm sure I'm only saying what many, many others are.

I'm glad I'm not alone. I could cry at how pointless it all seems. We are hamsters on a wheel.

You sound really unhappy! Don’t wish your life away, change it!

Don't you have friends/a partner and hobbies to balance out working?

Yup. You're not wrong

Yes I have friends. Yes I have hobbies. I just can't face 40 more years of this being it.

Don't let this be how you feel for the next 30/40 yrs. Make a change. I do realise it's easier to say, and harder to actually do. But I hear so many people say 'I wish I could do X,Y,Z....' and I can't help but think "well; go on then, do it!!". Say Yes to change, say no to just slogging it out for decades. You get one life.

Of course, not every day can be fabulous. Some days are about cleaning the bathroom and paying the bills. And pandemic restrictions mean that any plans might have to wait a little longer until we are in a more stable place Covid-wise, of course. But planning can start, at least?

I guess I just don't buy into the idea that we all need to work constantly, be miserable, buy 'stuff', consume 'stuff', and wait until we retire for the good times (especially when there's no guarantee we'll even get there). You're right - it IS a con!

You have to make life work for you. If that means you’d have a happier life being unconventional, living somewhere different, doing something different - then so be it. None of us are here for long. Living for work just doesn’t cut it

I'm sorry that you feel this way, especially in your 20's. Also surprised that so many agree with you here.

If work is your main problem then can you retrain? Look for something that you would enjoy doing? I really think you need to take steps to improve things for yourself. Life shouldn't feel this way.

For me I went travelling for a few years with my now husband in our mid 20's and it really helped to focus us and we both came home and retrained in great jobs that we love and we're very settled and happy now. Can't say I was ever as unhappy as you seem to be, even before that in my minimum wage supermarket job though.

If you want to feel better it all starts with what you choose to think about your situation.

If you think 'it's all a long slog' or 'it's pointless' then guess how you'll feel? Sick and tired, fed up, bored.... and you won't feel like taking action to change your situation.

It sounds like you're a hard worker. If you think instead ''I'm capable of hard work' how does that make you feel? Capable, empowered, strong.

Your current life - your job, family, bank balance - is a result of the thoughts and actions you’ve had to date. Much of this programming will be on a loop.

What do you want from your life? Don't accept 'I don't know'. Sit and think about it then ask 'what is the next best step I can take towards the future I want?'

Because to create a new future you have to do something you haven't done before.

Get a job you enjoy and you will never work a day in your life

I get like this when I’m tired, hungover, hormonal.

I remember feeling this in my 20's. The trick is to make work as fun as possible. Make friends there. Find work you enjoy doing. Go for coffee, lunch, drinks. Get promoted and make more money. Get yourself on the job with interesting all-expenses trips abroad then tag some holiday on the end of them. Do something that will get you some kudos.Try not to overdo the hard work bit unless its really needed. If none of that's possible where you are, change jobs.

Try fitting in stuff you like (eg gardening, sport, reading) in the morning before you go to work when you are at your best, rather than in the evening. Give up television so you can fit in more interesting stuff.

You need a job you enjoy, and which doesn't come with ridiculous hours - it makes all the difference.

Even if you have a job you love, on bad days it can still feel like this.

But you have to work with what you've got. I assume you don't have an inheritance or lottery win coming your way?

Tell us what you do now and what work you wish you did and we shall see if we can help.

Do you have kids? If not, perhaps you could do as a PP suggested and bugger off travelling for a while?

I think 30ish can be a crisis point. The novelty of work has worn off and you might not have the career you imagined. You may have a mortgage so there's another 25 years of wage slavery to pay it off. The thought of another 40 years of work, when you've only done 10 so far, is depressing.

It does get better though, you adjust your expectations and time begins to speed up. And this has been an exceptionally weird year so no wonder people are questioning what they are doing in life.

I totally disagree, life is full of little wonders and joys. I went through a lot of trauma as a child and young person and I take a lot of comfort in the simple every day things. Of course it will be harder if you don’t like your job and I don’t want to minimise that- is there any way you could make a change? But it seems so sad to write off the whole of life.

A book I really enjoyed was The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. It’s not about packing it all in and running off to start a llama farm, like a lot of happiness books, it’s about a woman making little changes to her every day to find happiness.

I completely agree with you, OP. I'm currently thinking about leaving my FT one for a PT one, we can afford for me to luckily and I think I would just be so much happier. I think we are all running around with our eyes closed sometimes, what is the point of all this? Love the PP who described it as being missold adulthood!

I felt like this in my 20s too. The prospect of staying in my job another 30+ years totally depressed me. I changed to part time in a related field with a 2nd part time job related to a hobby, from where I started my own business. I love it. But I also realise how lucky I am. Hope you can find a way to feel a bit brighter OP.

@Whatapalavaa

Yes I have friends. Yes I have hobbies. I just can't face 40 more years of this being it.

I hear you.

Looking at side hustle and early retirement. Very very careful with spending.

No children or partner but do have a mortgage and pets. I just feel trapped as daft as that sounds. Tempted to go part time for a year just to have some bloody time off 1 or 2 days a week but worried about impact on pension and overall loss of income. I feel like no matter what I do (job wise) won't change the fact that we are all here working away till some distant age we might not even reach. And then we repeat the cycle with children. It's so depressing.