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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Life is such a long, relentless slog

200 replies

Whatapalavaa · 01/06/2021 08:15

I'm feeling very miserable after the bank holiday weekend. Life is one long slog. Work, work, work. 4 weeks off a year that we should be grateful for. Trying to fit hobbies and rest into evenings and weekends. Repeat for however many years. I am late 20s and the years stretching ahead are terrifying. I cannot wait to retire. It all feels like a con. Can anyone relate?

OP posts:
ChangePart1 · 01/06/2021 12:33

I can't relate, personally.

Would you consider making a list about the things you're unhappy with and want to change in your life?

And a list of things you're happy with and grateful for?

There are ways out of this, ways to improve your life and mould it more to your satisfaction.

GoneOffOnATangent · 01/06/2021 12:34

I feel like this too, similar age. Years of trying to figure out a career path that suits me, and I just feel hopeless. Loads of hobbies and enjoy life out of work. Work just feels so meaningless. Everyone I work with is so passionate about what we do, and I just wonder if I'm wired wrong.

ChangePart1 · 01/06/2021 12:36

"I feel like no matter what I do (job wise) won't change the fact that we are all here working away till some distant age we might not even reach."

I think a lot of this rests on how you feel about your job.

When I've had jobs I've hated that have been unfulfilling it was soul destroying.

Now I'm in a job I enjoy, and feel well compensated for, it's different. Sure, I'm still 'working away' for decades, but because I feel the work has value and I enjoy it, that it makes a difference and is for a bigger purpose, each hour and day at work feels rewarding and like it isn't a waste of time.

Slogging away for five decades in a call centre selling double glazing would be enough to push anyone over the edge.

What are you doing for work, and what are you passionate about? What do you actually want to do for work?

Ugzbugz · 01/06/2021 12:44

Yep I know what you mean, slave to the money then you die and you go to school then work with 4 to 5 weeks off a year.

I work full time and do some evenings a few times a month which sometimes fall on a weekend but have a mortgage to pay and a child to pay for alone.

I do love weekends and my time off but the weeks I find boring and the thought of doing corporate bullsit for another 30 years kills me but don't have any skills really, minimal aged qualifications and absolutely zero idea what job I would do and I can't afford to either!

Cavagirl · 01/06/2021 12:55

@Whatapalavaa

No children or partner but do have a mortgage and pets. I just feel trapped as daft as that sounds. Tempted to go part time for a year just to have some bloody time off 1 or 2 days a week but worried about impact on pension and overall loss of income. I feel like no matter what I do (job wise) won't change the fact that we are all here working away till some distant age we might not even reach. And then we repeat the cycle with children. It's so depressing.
I mean, at the most basic, you need to work to live. Totally off grid and with no income, that might mean building your own shelter, growing/hunting your own food, digging a well for water, logging for fire.

If the above - providing the basics for yourself - you consider as one long slog then yes you're right, keeping yourself alive is indeed a never ending task until you die.

However if you want a more luxurious life then you need to work to earn the ability to afford the above in a nicer version.

How much luxury you exchange for your time is up to you.

And as we're lucky enough to live in the second or first worlds you might even have choices about how and where you do that.

But it's quite a step from that to 9-5, mortgage, kids, pension, which you've dropped into because "that's what everyone does". Given your limited ties I think you should challenge some of your own assumptions about what life needs to entail. What's to stop you renting out your house for a year, and doing something totally different? Life is actually very short, and too short to spend it doing things other people tell you that you should do.

PattyPan · 01/06/2021 13:06

@DrManhattan

Get a job you enjoy and you will never work a day in your life
I enjoy my job but I still resent having my time dictated by it and not being able to take time off on the spur of the moment etc.
Chailatteplease · 01/06/2021 13:07

I felt like this when I was in a job I found boring. No longer feel like this now I’m doing a job I love. Could you consider retraining?

Tradgarden · 01/06/2021 13:10

Someone upthread mentioned they feel this way out when hormonal. That’s me today, due on and sacked work off today (I work for myself, so it’s the most wonderful freedom to be able to do that)

I recommend - as far as is practically possible for you - to work for yourself or find a job that offers compressed hours, even 9 days in 10 is better than 5 days a week forever.

I’m 36 and I plan to work 4 days max per week from 40, 3 from 50 and 2 from 60 (I love my job and it’s not hard work so I don’t have a goal retirement date) it means that in my 30s I’m trying to amass as much income as possible, but lack of holidays/proper travel has made this last 18 months a real slog - that’s why I’m spending today ignoring all my responsibilities.

GoneOffOnATangent · 01/06/2021 13:14

@Chailatteplease

I felt like this when I was in a job I found boring. No longer feel like this now I’m doing a job I love. Could you consider retraining?
I think it's easier said than done to find a job you love though. I've been through my fair share and the reality doesn't live up to expectation. How long can you go on retraining and starting again?!
Maria53 · 01/06/2021 13:15

Yes OP. I am late 20s and feeling similar feelings just now.

Im looking at changing my job and working hours for a while - I know it will mean less money for a while but I want a better work/life balance.

memberofthewedding · 01/06/2021 13:25

Speaking as someone who retired from employed work in 2010 retirement is not always a bed of roses. You may not have your health or enough money to live on. Younger people may resent and envy you or regard you as a "non productive waste of space" while forgetting the years of work and thousands of pounds you may have donated to the public purse. You can find that your money is in the kitty but you are not getting back your fair share in terms of pleasure or resources.

IntermittentParps · 01/06/2021 13:25

Get a job you enjoy and you will never work a day in your life
Wish it was that simple!
I love my work, but I've just spent two days of the Bank Hol working. I work six days most weeks, and long days. I'm busy enough to work seven (at least!) but need a day off a week or my brain stops working.
Partly it's because I'm freelance, so feel the need to bring in money when I can as I never know if there'll be a dry spell or I won't be able to work for another reason.
But all that aside, even when you love it, it's still hard and tiring sometimes.

Orangeinmybluelightcup · 01/06/2021 13:27

I know what you mean op and am also guilty of feeling like a hamster on a wheel, especially when it comes to raising my 2 young kids who i get ratty with more often than necessary and sometimes look forward to packing off to bed! But I had 2 friends die 2yrs ago, both from cancer, one was only 30 and had 2 kids aged 2 & 4, the other was 38 and the absolute life soul and lovely. So I am really trying to reframe my thinking! For me I am trying to have little everyday adventures with the kids, we have just been for a picnic over the fields. I've booked a few nights in a yurt in the middle of nowhere. We went out in the dark to spot bat's. I try to bite back the word no and try out a yes more often! I will still have to work just as much and for just as many years, the kids still won't give me a moments peace, but I can work on putting that in a different frame.

FrownedUpon · 01/06/2021 13:30

Feel similar and am aiming to retire early to engage in travel, hobbies etc. Look at the FIRE movement. It’s about getting off the hamster wheel early.

We live fairly simply, have stayed in an average size house etc. & will be retired by 50.

Don’t forget to enjoy moments along the way though. We still have holidays, trips out etc.

Chailatteplease · 01/06/2021 13:32

@GoneOffOnATangent I suppose it’s difficult if you don’t have a job in mind that you’ve always wanted to do. That might have made things easier for me.

CaraherEIL · 01/06/2021 13:33

OP,
The ties you have now are nothing compared to the ties you have in the future. I would travel, in 15 years time with climate change flights abroad might well be a luxury of the rich. I would save, book a ticket round Europe or further afield. Rent out your property on a 6 month or 12 month contract see if anyone can take of your pets and go.You shouldn’t feel this low about your future, even more so while you are still so young. You have done so well to be on the property ladder so young, so go away and live at little. There is so many incredible things to see and do, and your renters will be paying towards your investment while you are gone.

Bargebill19 · 01/06/2021 13:33

Yep. I think the only way to deal with it is to adjust your expectations of life. Decide what you really need and then want. Work a job that you don’t actively hate, nice colleagues are a bonus. Don’t try to live up to other people’s expectations, desires or needs.

Meruem · 01/06/2021 13:35

On a different post the other day someone said “working full time is the default for adults” and my first thought was “why?”. It really stuck with me, people just seeing life as full time work until retirement. We are hamsters on a wheel but you can choose to step off. Doesn’t have to be fully or forever. It can be something small like a new hobby. Or major like renting your house out and going travelling.

I work to live. I earn what I need to do the things I want to do and I do them. Now and not when I retire. I could earn more but I’d be giving up flexibility and free time which I don’t want to do.

Donitta · 01/06/2021 13:40

Enjoy it while you can. Once you have kids you won’t even get the evenings and weekends. It’s just one long slog from the second you open your eyes in the morning until you close them at night.

hamstersarse · 01/06/2021 13:42

It's nihilism.

This is a good explanation - fundamentally underpinned by a lack of belief systems in our current culture - and take some risks and experience some danger!
Imapotato · 01/06/2021 13:43

I felt a bit like this in my last job, not quite as bad as you describe but my over riding thought was always I don’t get paid enough for this shit.

Now I love my job, I’m studying for a related degree, my kids are teens abs good company (though the teenage years come with their own stresses) and on the whole I’m happy with my work life balance.

Sounds like you need to make a change OP.

Whatapalavaa · 01/06/2021 13:45

I don't want children. I can't rent out as house is a doer upper. Stuck for now.

OP posts:
SnarkyBag · 01/06/2021 13:46

I work full time but term time only and it’s only knowing that I have at least a week of every 7 to 8 weeks that keeps me going. Not a chance in hell I’d ever work proper full time. I really enjoy my job but it’s the mundane daily slog of life admin, cooking, housework etc that bores the crap out of me.

MIL was trying to persuade my 16 year old to take a work apprenticeship rather than do A levels but the thought of him starting the 9-5 slog so young is too depressing to think about! Fortunately he wants to stay on in 6th form.

Chihuahuacat · 01/06/2021 13:46

I could have written this. I hate my job - my colleagues are nice but it’s high pressure and I have constant anxiety I’m not good enough. I earn too much to just retrain though in case I also hate what I retrain into - I also can’t justify £45k of uni fees to do a new course.

I’m planning to pay off my mortgage in the next 5 years or so but even that makes me feel ill at working in my current job for that long.

TheMostHappy · 01/06/2021 13:48

I feel you. Except I have a chronic illness which means I may not even live long enough to see my retirement so yeah. Work work work without even old age to look forward to.

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