Life is such a long, relentless slog

[Whatapalavaa]

I'm feeling very miserable after the bank holiday weekend. Life is one long slog. Work, work, work. 4 weeks off a year that we should be grateful for. Trying to fit hobbies and rest into evenings and weekends. Repeat for however many years. I am late 20s and the years stretching ahead are terrifying. I cannot wait to retire. It all feels like a con. Can anyone relate?

@fashionablefennel that attitude is insulting. You can use covid as an example of how some people have profitted from it while others havent. But to assume that this is all down to personal choice is shortsighted. The people i know who have seized the moment were those who already had all the advantages or were able rather than disabled by the pandemic i.e. no kids, stable jobs, supportive and wealthy partner etc etc etc. To say that people who have struggle only have themselves to blame is whats wrong with society.

I'll admit I love what I do, but I would love to have 1.5 million in the bank, so I can be more flexable with my days off for travelling and building my hobby into a business.

YANBU. I've been working 35 years and have had enough although I'm lucky I only work 4 days a week.

@mellicauli lunch, coffee and drinks were the highlight of work! Also getting a coffee with a sneaky shot of whiskey at the office cafè🙃

Now it’s WFH and likely to stay that way. I’ll spend the next 30 years in front of a screen in the same room. Day after day after day.
I love my job but I’ll probably try and shift to a more client facing role. It’s higher pressure and commission based salary (both of which I hate) but I don’t want to spend 8 hours a day of my best years in my dining room . I want to see people, see what they’re wearing, hear their voices properly and feel the energy from having them in a room.

‘Sorry for hijacking

@CaraherEIL yes it's tough. I could have people round but never really fancy it.

@Kissthepastrychef I have thought about whether shift work would suit me better - less routine.

@garlictwist if you don't mind sharing how did you get over the inevitable pay cut and worrying about pension etc

@Newstaronhorizon why do we exist? Well most of us, because of accidental and planned pregnancies. I don't see any bigger or spiritual meaning in the existence of us and why we're here. We're just mammals after all but we've created a world where most of us exist to keep the cogs turning and are encouraged to be good little members of the proletariat.

@Garfieldcake sorry to hear that, have you had many periods of time where you haven't felt that way?

@Macncheeseballs you're right, and I do try to inject some joy in small ways. But overall that heavy feeling of life being something to endure still exists.

I feel like this on occasion, though I'm in my 40s.

Can you set yourself goals / things to look forward to? For example, doing up your house / booking short breaks away etc to keep you going.

I saw you won't consider a lodger but would you rather work full time, or work part-time and have a lodger? Or aim to have it done up by x time so you can rent it out and go travelling when feasible. I met someone once (pre-Covid) that only works 6 months of the year in the UK, and then spends 6 months living in Thailand,

Or how have you been in your current job? Maybe a change would help?

If your not happy with the way things are at the moment, then having a plan to make changes can help even if you can't realise them in the short-term.

fashionablefennel how is it "simple" to get a job you love? Yes, it's possible for some people but not for most. Many people have constraints in their lives (educational, financial, family, geography...) which make it much more difficult to just make changes. Some people are better able to make peace with fact they have to compromise for the necessities or benefits that their job brings, while others find it difficult to forget that we're just cogs in someone else's machine!

It's dismissive because it implies that people who are unhappy at work just didn't have the insight to "do something they love". Like... oh! thanks for that! It didn't cross my mind to just get a job I love. Silly me!

In my own case, I've tried many things that I thought I'd love. That I thought would give me purpose but they don't. I've had more liberty than many to try different things, and it just hasn't worked out for me, despite working hard, putting in the time and effort. It shows a huge lack of empathy to say something so trite in response to the OP.

If "jobs that you love" were so easy to come by, half the western world wouldn't be so sodding miserable about going to work!

I’m late 30s and I feel like this. I’ve worked since I left school (full time apprenticeship then continued to work full time) The longest break I’ve had was 8 months of maternity leave. I’ll be working at least another years. I feel stuck; I have a mortgage and bills to pay and a child to care for outside of work. I could retrain but when? Spend even less time with my daughter? Or leave work - then how do I contribute to the household expenses? Maybe I’m just not thinking outside the box but I’m already struggling for down time - I’ve just finished my dinner at 9:30pm after a hectic day at work with no break, spent a few hours with my child then made tea. I’ll be up at 6am. I feel like I’m just existing and life is disappearing at a rapid pace. I look and feel knackered and there’s no end in sight

I had a job I loved. After five years I was thoroughly bored of it and moved jobs. I can still remember that feeling of being really lucky to do something I enjoyed so much. But it wasn't going to last 51 years until I retire with my state pension. And I think it would be unrealistic to think it would.

[quote HIUHwih]@fashionablefennel that attitude is insulting. You can use covid as an example of how some people have profitted from it while others havent. But to assume that this is all down to personal choice is shortsighted. The people i know who have seized the moment were those who already had all the advantages or were able rather than disabled by the pandemic i.e. no kids, stable jobs, supportive and wealthy partner etc etc etc. To say that people who have struggle only have themselves to blame is whats wrong with society.[/quote]
how is it insulting to state basic facts?

It's such a lazy attitude to pretend that the only way to do something is not to have kids, and have a wealthy partner. Real life is proving you wrong though!

To say that people who have struggle only have themselves to blame
that's not what I said, is it. Obviously if you have lost your job, if you have been stuck in the pandemic - like all of us.. - you are not to blame.
But what I actually said is that if you used the pandemic as an excuse not to do anything, then yes, you went for the lazy excuse.

GoneOffOnATangent
how is it "simple" to get a job you love? Yes, it's possible for some people but not for most.

It's easier to make excuses and find reasons to be miserable apparently.

For others, it's just deciding on what you actually want, and go for it. It might take time, you might need to retrain, you might need to move, you might even need to move country.

If "jobs that you love" were so easy to come by, half the western world wouldn't be so sodding miserable about going to work!
Where do you get that half from exactly? Some people find it easier to complain, but plenty of others expect more from life, so don't settle until they have achieved whatever they want to be.

Same in relationships.

It's easier to make excuses and find reasons to be miserable apparently. Your empathy knows no bounds! I'm glad it's worked out for you. It doesn't for everyone though, however hard they try. Unless you live in a cave, you can probably see that a large proportion of people suffer some sort of dissatisfaction with aspects of their lives. They must all just be lazy I guess!

Where do you get that half from exactly? I measured it, statistically

you can probably see that a large proportion of people suffer some sort of dissatisfaction with aspects of their lives.

but when they refuse to do anything about it, I don't have much sympathy that is true. I keep it for people stuck with real problems, real reasons to be struggling.

If you are honest, you'll admit that many people are quick to complain, quick to watch the clock and live for their Friday nights for example, but don't actually DO anything about it.

I’m with you on this @Whatapalavaa. I’m 31 and think every single day to myself that I can’t take another 40 odd years doing this. It’s so boring and pointless. Even at my happiest this feeling sticks around. I don’t have any advice but just wanted to add that I’m in the same boat

I keep it for people stuck with real problems, real reasons to be struggling. Why do you get to decide what counts as a real reason?

If you are honest, you'll admit that many people are quick to complain, quick to watch the clock and live for their Friday nights for example, but don't actually DO anything about it. How do you really know what it is that prevents them from making changes though? Sometimes people just want to vent and get a bit off their chest, should they not be allowed to do so, for fear of being deemed lazy? That's the point, the reasons could be complex and myriad!

@fashionablefennel I have retrained a number of times and moved around jobs. The job I have is fairly decent. But I have had some very hard years. I know a more challenging job would make me happier. But I am not up to it at the moment. I feel battered down by life.

I feel what you are saying @Whatapalavaa but also don't presume you'll make it to retirement age. Death is a huge part of life and this last year has taught me that I lost my mum suddenly she was only 63 and every day since I ask my self what the fuck is the point

Because we rarely stop and count our blessings,we rarely see them.

30s chronically ill - not likely to see retirement. Work fucks me over but there is a mortgage to pay. Yay.

Just wanted to thank everyone for their comments. I'm sorry to hear others also feel this way but it's really made me feel less abnormal and alone on a shitty day. For those of you who have retrained, would you mind sharing what you went from and into?

I can only tell you that I relate completely- am now 40, have done over 20 yrs work and still have about another 28 years to go, am already feeling burnt out!! And I know where you’re coming from, it’s not necessarily that you hate your job but it’s more fundamental than that. It’s the pointlessness of it all!

But then when you really think about it, there is no ultimate point other than to try and squeeze as much happiness as we can out of the little things in life...maybe thinking too deeply and too far ahead is causing the misery, sometimes trying to appreciate the small/silly/funny moments helps because I guess it’s those that matter.

Otherwise, I would say sell the house, buy a campervan and go travelling/working abroad- if I didn’t have children that’s what I would do

Could you look for a job in the civil service where you could do overtime to accrue leave? Also lots of the bigger companies allow you buy leave.

The other thing I was going to ask is if you had taken a full week off this year yet? Christmas to Summer is too long to wait.