Life is such a long, relentless slog

[Whatapalavaa]

I'm feeling very miserable after the bank holiday weekend. Life is one long slog. Work, work, work. 4 weeks off a year that we should be grateful for. Trying to fit hobbies and rest into evenings and weekends. Repeat for however many years. I am late 20s and the years stretching ahead are terrifying. I cannot wait to retire. It all feels like a con. Can anyone relate?

@shakingstevensfan

I loved the sense of possibility. Like there were so many things I still wanted to do and so many things that were possible to do. I had so much energy.

One thing I notice though is you have talked about travelling in the past. I know many people who spent quite some time travelling who found it hard to settle back into normal life afterwards. I wonder if you need to find that sense of adventure again in some way in normal life?

I felt exactly the same as your first paragraph in my 20’s. So many plans. The only time I felt a little bit disheartened was when we were contemplating kids in our early 30’s. I was the biggest earner and was dreading the whole childcare/job juggle. By the time kids arrived DH had outstripped my earning power by £££££ so I was able to give up work. I think you need to get your mojo back, some great suggestions so far.

Moved from teaching into childcare, and started teaching a hobby on the side. Much better work/life balance.

Was suffering from mild depression when I made the change. Do you think you might be depressed, OP?

Moved from admin into web design and then web content/editing into what I actually wanted to do, which was professional photography.

I went full time in 2018 (I have two other businesses as well, though smaller) and I've never looked back - covid year has been hard but it's been the best decision I ever made.

I'm entirely self taught, too - no formal qualifications in photography but my clients love my work and so do I - that's more than good enough for me.

I have definitely felt like you are feeling (I'm single and childfree and no plans to change either, so no life change was coming from that direction), and now although I work harder than I ever have before, it's all on my terms and my timetable and I can also go and meet friends, have adventures on boats, do all sorts of cool stuff I couldn't before.

Life is infinitely better than it was, despite also being the other side of losing my lovely Dad, which is what made me finally take the leap.

Its shit most of life isnt it, with the odd nice bits thrown in, thankfully I dont do the full time 9-5, can you re think your life, get a better work / life balance, go part time, or self employed etc?

Can I add, I went self emp and never looked back, dh took a risk some time back and went self emp, so we work our own schedules and i do like it , never again would i do ft 9-5. You are so young, what do you really want to do? You are young and free and can train to do anything,

I dont have a pension, we will live off the state one, I dont worry about retirement , my dh's parents both died before they even got to that point!

I retrained and now do a job I love. What do you enjoy in life? I think you’re in a rut. How about getting some life coaching to help you figure out a way forward?

@Whatapalavaa in terms of retraining- I went from working in finance to retraining as a Maths teacher. I work 4 days in a great school. Nice pupils, colleagues, love my subject. Every day is different. There’s the intellectual challenge of my subject together with the psychology/pedagogy of teaching and how to get the best out of my pupils. It’s fascinating. Also in a senior school your colleagues are so diverse- art, drama, science etc.. makes for an interesting time.

Long holidays too!

GoneOffOnATangent
Why do you get to decide what counts as a real reason?

Oh come on, we all know what real reasons are.
If you are fighting for your very ill child, you have the right to complain.

Not quite the same as being a bit bored with your job is it.

@Coldwine75 how can you be so sure there will still be a state pension in a few decades with the way the country is in terms of debt, struggling nhs etc

@Whatapalavaa - re going part time - yes, it's not the best decision financially but I would much rather have time than money. I earn enough to cover my share of the mortgage and bills and have enough left over for holidays and days out (albeit not extravagant ones) but that suits me fine.

My hobbies and interests are largely cheap - getting into the outdoors, running, hiking, cycling, reading and now I feel I have the time (and, crucially, energy) to indulge these, without sacraficing everything for work.

In terms of the pension - there's no denying it will be less. But I think you only get one life and I would rather live it to its fullest while I still have it. I might not make it to old age and, if I don't, at least I haven't spent my time working.

If I do, I will have a small pension and will cut my cloth accordingly as I will have done throughout my life.

Working part time as I do (21 hours a week) feels so manageable that I feel I could do it forever if need be. I am not counting down the days to retirement any more (I am 39...) because I feel that if I needed to I could carry on having this set up forever.

I’m pushing 40 but get where you’re coming from OP.
I was in my last job most of my working life and changed during the pandemic, but it just isn’t right. I don’t think I care enough about what I’m doing for it to be worth the stress. I work part time and my husband owns his own business, I need to work but there is some flexibility there in that I could change job/take a bit of a pay cut. The problem is I just can’t figure out what I want to do. Do what you love is so simple in theory, but I’m not convinced that I’m good enough at the things I enjoy to be paid for them!
Interestingly, I’ve had this conversation with several friends recently, all in jobs that they loved but now feel unfulfilled, stuck and done know what they want to do. I think the pandemic has made people reevaluate what they’re doing, but hasn’t been helpful in helping them figure out the next step forward.

I think there has been a lot of successful fear mongering around pensions. They won’t just stop the state pension. Yes it may become means tested, I can see that happening, but they can’t get rid of it entirely. Like a pp I have lived a frugal life at certain points. At one time I was a single mum on benefits (after leaving my violent partner) and I was raising 2 DC on less than what the state pension for 1 person is. I managed. State pension isn’t generous but is the most generous of all benefits.

My mum is on state pension. With extra benefits she gets around £1000 a month. She only pays utilities and food out of that. No council tax. Free travel (she doesn’t have a car, doesn’t really need one) free dental, opticians etc. I know more than one working friend who brings home around 2k a month but by the time they’ve paid mortgage or rent, travel to work, council tax etc they are left with about the same.

What “may” happen re state pension in the future is where the fear mongering comes in. Of course the government want us all to panic and plough all our spare cash into retirement. And if you have lots of surplus cash to do so then yes it makes sense. But I don’t believe in putting off living today for a future that is not guaranteed. We are alive today. Beyond that, anything could happen.

My mum is on state pension. With extra benefits she gets around £1000 a month. She only pays utilities and food out of that. No council tax. Free travel (she doesn’t have a car, doesn’t really need one) free dental, opticians etc.

Gosh, is that how much the state pension is these days? It’s actually considerably more than I’m left with after the mortgage, council tax and travel!

State pension is £179.60 per week, the amount depends on your national insurance contribution.
You can check the likely age you'd be this on the government pension age website

Not sure what industry you work in OP, but just wanted to tell you I've got a very chilled out lifestyle now after years of doing relentless customer facing jobs. I'm now a live in housekeeper, so I work part time looking after a country house for people who are rarely here. I've got an amazing detatched house with all the bills paid as part of my job, and I also get well paid on top of that. I get to live in a house and part of the UK I could definately not afford if I was paying for it. It's relaxing, and I've got loads of time for all the things you say you want to do. I've decided I love gardening, and am now doing an RHS qualification. Also I'm quite good at photography, and spend time taking photos of the wildlife and landscape where I live. I potter around, sitting in our big garden drinking tea a lot. I'm mid 30s and have the hobbies of a pensioner, but I'm content and as relaxed as I've ever been. Just saying because this is an alternative way of living and working, especially the UK.

Yes I used to feel like this, like it was all one big con and no one else seemed to notice. I think some people must really thrive on their work and so don’t feel like this. I realized I am not one of those people and I need less structure, more freedom. So I left my 9-5 and now work freelance, remotely and I am so much happier!! Less money though as I work less hours. But I used to live for the weekend, whereas now I do the things I enjoy any day of the week and it’s made a much better work life balance for me. I don’t even dread Monday’s any more, I used to get so down on Sunday nights. Not possible for everyone of course but you could look at changing the way you work.

@Panpig that sounds like a dream. How did you get into that? Sat here filled with dread and trying to cry at getting through the day ahead.

Trying not to cry*

I roll my eyes at some of the comments on this thread. Get promoted, make lots of money, take on roles that involve travelling...yeah most jobs don’t have those opportunities, if you get promoted it will probably require more hours too, then factor in your family, children. Childcare.
I’m sure if the op had a way of making her job more fun and glorious she would already be doing it.
I’m with you op. I work five days a week and I only work until 3pm and it’s a bloody slog. I come home to do housework, cook dinner, plan groceries and it’s relentless. Dp works away from home so it all falls to me. I have a dd aged 11 and having fertility issues and so badly want a 2nd.
My ideal job would be a vet, I don’t have the qualifications or the time or money to study. The job I did have with animals was badly paid, horrendous hours and the people were awful. I have a run of the mill key worker role just now and it’s basic and boring, and doesn’t fulfil me...I would love to go to college full time and do something I love but again time and money.
Sometimes there are hurdles that can’t be overcome.

Yes that's how I feel @Jupgrass572 like why is no one else noticing this or are they just really good at acting.

@peanut919

My mum is on state pension. With extra benefits she gets around £1000 a month. She only pays utilities and food out of that. No council tax. Free travel (she doesn’t have a car, doesn’t really need one) free dental, opticians etc.

Gosh, is that how much the state pension is these days? It’s actually considerably more than I’m left with after the mortgage, council tax and travel!

people get significantly topped up by pension credit if their state pension is low and if you go into retirement living in rented accommodation with no savings you get full rent and most of your council tax paid if on pension credit. if you are on pension credit and claim attendance allowance ( never known a benefit easier to get ) then this can potentially rise again. I am amazed how much some pensioners come out with and they have never worked in their lives - not because of illness but because they were of a generation where the women ( usually) did not work.

I only work until 3pm and it’s a bloody slog. I come home to do housework, cook dinner, plan groceries and it’s relentless.

Unless you run a B&B, (or start work at 4am and you are knackered), it makes absolutely no sense.

I found this position on the website of the Lady magazine. They have a jobs section. But if you Google live in housekeeper jobs UK there are lots advertised. Just something to consider maybe...

It's called life,everyone does it,not just you what's the problem,good grief

Totally get it, I’d genuinely have committed suicide if I wasn’t responsible for my daughter, everyday is tough, no reason for my existence, Groundhog Day everyday.