Life is such a long, relentless slog

[Whatapalavaa]

I'm feeling very miserable after the bank holiday weekend. Life is one long slog. Work, work, work. 4 weeks off a year that we should be grateful for. Trying to fit hobbies and rest into evenings and weekends. Repeat for however many years. I am late 20s and the years stretching ahead are terrifying. I cannot wait to retire. It all feels like a con. Can anyone relate?

@fashionablefennel You're picking fights with anyone on this thread. Clearly not in a great place yourself.

@mogsrus thank you for the great advice. Take care

Whatapalavaa

Disagreeing with you is not "picking a fight"
Even if you start goady little attacks

You asked if you are BU, the answer is.. yes.
And expressing an opinion and discussing on a internet forum is not "picking up a fight" either.

But you are proving the point, you didn't want an answer to your question then, you just wanted people to say "poor you, you are right"?

@hilariousnamehere

I felt like this, which was the main driver for starting a business on the side. Now I work for myself and it's insane but glorious - would recommend! Though there is much less time at the moment for hobbies and time off, I'm doing something I love most of the time so it's not a problem.

I understand where you're coming from though, I remember in my early twenties feeling like I'd been mis-sold adulthood!

100% this. My first job out of uni, when the realisation dawned that this was it for the next 40+ years – unrelenting drudgery. It was supposed to be a temp job while I was applying for ‘proper’ jobs but I was soon exhausted (commuting 3 hours a day) and realised I’d fallen into a trap. The horror was real.

Like you, I now run my own business and life is much sweeter! I also work very long hours at times, but I don’t mind because it’s for me and it’s my choice, and I enjoy what I do.

@fashionablefennel No but I'll leave it there as you're clearly very wound up. Thanks for your comments.

Thanks @Panpig I'll take a look that's great

[quote Whatapalavaa]@fashionablefennel No but I'll leave it there as you're clearly very wound up. Thanks for your comments.[/quote]
I am really sorry if being happy with my life is bothering you so much.

If you prefer to resign yourself to have a mediocre life which doesn't make you happy, before you are even 30, it's really sad. It has no effect on my own circumstances, but it's such a waste of what should be the best years of your life - and they are for most people.

It's all down to attitude, I never understand why some people are so keen on being miserable and building an unhealthy amount of regrets. In all honesty, if I hadn't made the most of my 20s like everybody else around me, we wouldn't be so happy with our life today.

I changed to a job working shifts
It gives me a huge amount of time off, compared to my previous job
I can also swap shifts with other members of staff, to get more time off
Pre covid I dam well made sure, that I made full use of my off shift days !
Obviously, shifts do not suit everyone

Life is full of ups & downs
You need to make the most of things
Do you want to be 80 & say I wish I had done X, Y, Z ?

@Whatapalavaa A lot of people have focused on your work, but what are your relationships like? If you're single, have you considered online dating? Maybe having someone to share your life with, and you can plan goals together would help you?

I feel like that basically everyday. Everything is a chore. Hopefully when we are rid of the masks, social distancing and completely back to normal things will be better.

Basically when it comes down to it - life is pointless and there’s not much to recommend it!

@Zipfer Single and do online dating. I'm not bothered about being single but it's food for thought thank you

I felt like this, I now work part time (3 days) because I have small children, job is decently paid and I like it most of the time. I intend to stay at 3 days because life is bloody short and I didn’t like how I was cramming in my life around work. I’ll never be rich but I feel like we have a lot more balance now!

I remember this feeling so well.

I even remember the moment that "is this it?!?" feeling hit me! I was about 23 and driving home from work... just an average day... and it suddenly hit me, "is this the rest of my life?!"

If it's any consolation, as you get older, you usually have a bit more disposable income to "play with", and also you start to take more pleasure in really simple stuff.

Hmme, I think lots of people are not well supported to get to know themselves well...skills, personality, aptitudes. I was lucky to have support to find those things out about myself in my late teens and twenties. I am a neophyte and an intellectual, slightly more introverted than extroverted, have poor motivation unless really interested in something when it can become a bit all consuming. On the back of this insight I had a strategy to get to the kind of life that would be filling for me. It took a little while but I have an interesting job that has enough challenge and new, hobbies and time out in balance, plus a plan for slowing down when age makes me less able/willing to when at pace.
I think the best thing you could do is figure out all the different parts of you, what you would need to be working well with all of them and then create a 4 then 8 year strategy to get there......

I wonder if things have got a bit out of balance for you, OP. If life is just work then it's going to feel like a slog. Are you feeling connected to other people, whether friends or a partner or family? I think life becomes meaningful when we have senseof purpose through work AND through relationships, feeling connected, feeling like we can look after each other, see our own value reflected in how others respond to us. I reckon we're here to make each others lives a bit easier, and if you're looking at the future just through the perspective of work, it's going to feel grim. What are your hopes for relationships, friendships, family?

I'd also be interested in what sort of beliefs about life your family have, the stuff you grew up with. Some families are very bouncy and "isn't life wonderful!" but others are more "life is a struggle and then you die" - can be for all sorts of reasons, maybe intergenerational trauma, poverty and difficult life circumstances, religious faith or lack of it...all sorts. Can really affect how we vview the world. The good thing is that you can decide whether to keep those beliefs or change them

@Notagain20 I wasn't brought up with hugely negative or positive attitudes towards life. Very realistic actually - the ups and downs etc. I don't think I'm the sort of person (the way I currently feel anyway) that would suit a relationship right now because people generally want to be with someone who loves life. I find it exhausting enough to keep up the act at work and with friends let alone with a partner.

@Whatapalavaa

I'm feeling very miserable after the bank holiday weekend. Life is one long slog. Work, work, work. 4 weeks off a year that we should be grateful for. Trying to fit hobbies and rest into evenings and weekends. Repeat for however many years. I am late 20s and the years stretching ahead are terrifying. I cannot wait to retire. It all feels like a con. Can anyone relate?

You only have another 40 years to go, lol.

[quote Whatapalavaa]@Notagain20 I wasn't brought up with hugely negative or positive attitudes towards life. Very realistic actually - the ups and downs etc. I don't think I'm the sort of person (the way I currently feel anyway) that would suit a relationship right now because people generally want to be with someone who loves life. I find it exhausting enough to keep up the act at work and with friends let alone with a partner.[/quote]
Do you have any friends you can let the act drop with, or family members? It's so exhausting when you feel you have to pretend to be happier than you are. Have you talked to anyone irl about how you feel?

You might have fallen into a depression, perhaps some counselling would be helpful?

@Whatapalavaa I feel like this every now and again because essentially, life is pointless really. It helps me to think about my values - what really matters to me, and do I have that in my life? Have you ever considered seeing a life coach? I did for a bit and found it helpful. I'd also recommend any books by Irving Yalom for a bit of existentialism :)
Ultimately I agree with you, that capitalism and consumerism keep most people from questioning the status quo too much. Have a think about your values though.

I know how it is to feel trapped. I also know that when you feel trapped often you are not really trapped it's just that for some reason or reasons you can't see that you have options that would work better for you.
I would suggest that you find a good counsellor as a starting point to look at why you feel this way and how you got to this point.
There is hope OP, many things are possible even when it seems that they are not. Better things can come but no man is an island and sometimes we need support in order to move on from a position of stuckness.

Hi Op, I understand what you are saying but this wouldn't have registered with me in my 20's. After a long battle with mental health issues, I suppose I just felt grateful to get a job and establish some independence away from abusive home.

Fast forward, now moving toward my late forties and I'm having similar reflections to you. 3 dc and I've alternated between working and being a sahm (which is not restful at all). My youngest dc is due to start school when I'm 47. My first line of thinking was that I should return to work at least on a p/t basis (it was like an automatic thought). But now I'm reflecting back to the types of jobs I have had that largely due to my MH issues (recently diagnosed with CPTSD) were below my capabilities and I have essentially felt like a cog in a big corporate machine.

Now money is not such a pressing issue - mortgage is paid and so, I have decided not to rush back to work (if at all - planning a low scale business) and take some time out for me at long last. Looking back, yes in a way I do feel conned but had a mortgage to pay, car to run (to enable me to get to pointless job) and I feel fortunate to now be in a position to choose (albeit MH issues).

Some people live in a van etc and work minimal hours and have made this their life choice. Others have portfolio careers (incorporating a couple of jobs including perhaps working at home). I guess there are pros and cons to everything but without dependents, it is likely that you can shake things up a bit.

Nothing definite to suggest but yes, much older than you (and peri-menopausal granted) but definitely have had 'is this it?' moments.

Please let us know if you have any further thoughts about what you might do to change your situation around.

Haven't RTFT but just to add I felt similar in my mid 20s. I did retrain, worked a few years in that role, retrained again in a related role, and took more qualifications (PhD) that allowed me to stretch myself intellectually. Personally I found that very fulfilling.
I also get meaning from helping others , I do this in my work.
However I don't think basing expectations of happiness on work is realistic.
I am PT 3 days a week and have always been happier with this balance than FT, where I've generally felt strung out and miserable.
Doing up a house is a pain, especially alone. I think in your shoes I'd try and save up, taking a weekend job if necessary, to get the whole lot done by trades.
Take some time off to reevaluate what is important to you.
Travelling - great - but not a good year for that.
It feels like something spiritual is missing.
Capitalist drudgery doesn't lead to happiness - feel grateful that the scales have fallen from your eyes in your 20s rather than in your 50s when you've been slogging all your life. Now is your chance to decide what to do with your life!
You are in a fabulous position with a property already. Use that to buy you some freedom from wage slavery.
I really enjoyed the FiRE stuff in my 20s and got really good at budgeting and saving so I could work less.