Life is such a long, relentless slog

[Whatapalavaa]

I'm feeling very miserable after the bank holiday weekend. Life is one long slog. Work, work, work. 4 weeks off a year that we should be grateful for. Trying to fit hobbies and rest into evenings and weekends. Repeat for however many years. I am late 20s and the years stretching ahead are terrifying. I cannot wait to retire. It all feels like a con. Can anyone relate?

I have definitely felt like the hamster wheel comment and k want to kind of sock it to "the man" bit at the same time, this is just life we kinda just have to go with it. So if you're unhappy in your job you need to change it.

I know this isn't an easy route for some but I cut my hours down to 20, so do one long day and 2 short ones now.

Yes, I have less money. No, I don't have cash for extravagant purchases every month.

But I have time to myself, and no money in the world can buy you time.

Find a job you like with better holiday arrangements. Be self-employed? Part-time? Stop trying to fit hobbies in if they are a chore. This is the life you chose so far - you can choose something different provided you have your health and some flexibility.

Be self employed - doing what?
Find a new job - most people are really struggling to find work right now. The job market is bit dire. And I've never really enjoyed any job so I'm thinking it's a me issue...
Better than the alternative - ha sometimes I'm not so sure of that.
I think it's an existential thing. I've felt like this since my early 20s. I've done the travelling thing. It was fab but no option to up and leave now. Thanks for the solidarity anyway, it is appreciated today.

@soreenqueen21 Ah what a lovely mumsnetter you are.

Be self employed - doing what?

Well, what are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? I'll give you my own massively outing example, if it's any use. I'm mid-30s so not a total dinosaur. I was a lawyer. I hated being a lawyer and realised quite soon that I did. I saved hard to buy my own home, as you did. I did it up myself during evenings and weekends. The market was buoyant, as it is now, so I released equity from that property and bought another which I rented out. Yeah, I've been on here long enough to see the treatment landlords get on MN, but there you go. I now had a small financial cushion. Because I realised that I wanted a job I could do a) from home b) with minimal direct interaction with others, I ended up setting up a small business helping lawyers and would-be lawyers with their CVs and interviews - it was always my favourite thing about the job anyway, when we had students visiting. So I'd spend one or two evenings a week doing that, alongside my 9-5 work, to see if there was a market and if I was any good at it. There was; I was. 15 months later I was able to quit my job because I had a steady stream of clients and referrals. I didn't earn as much I did before but I was totally in control of my time and much happier.

So there you go - one example, from a starting point not very different to yours by the sounds of things.

(I've since changed careers again, if the famous MN spreadsheet is still doing the rounds .)

I have worked for 38 years, only another 13 to go until I get my state pension. Yes life is a bit of a slog. But you have to find fun where you can.
Truthfully the bits of life where life is a bit boring are to be treasured. They are the easy times.

I felt like I wasn’t living the life I wanted in my late 20s. I had a lot of freedom and travel and friends but I felt I fulfilled. It’s sounds maybe a bit wanky but I had a couple of sessions with a life counsellor and talked through what I really wanted with someone who had no prior knowledge of me or agenda.
I wasn’t as unhappy as you sound but it put me on the track my life is now on in my early 40s and although I’ve still felt hamsterwheelish at times (hello study, job and non sleeping child) I feel like I have a direction and genuinely enjoy the type of work I do.
You are definitely young enough to make a change ( frankly I still feel I could make changes now) but I Would recommend impartial support to do so.

Thanks @EssentialHummus that's really interesting

Change can be helpful. Finding a job you enjoy helps. Having friends and a good life outside of work also helps.
But it does also depends on your expectations. There is a lot of beauty and joy in life, but you do still have to wash the dishes and make the beds.
(Obviously, you might have a dishwasher or a cleaner, but the point is that life is always full of individually mundane tasks.) And that is present in even the best jobs as well.
I do sometimes think young people have been sold a version of adult life that is not accurate.
The most important things for happiness are relationships. Good friends and/or close family.

What would your ideal life be like if you didn’t have to work, OP? Does the FIRE movement (saving like crazy to become financially independent and take early retirement) hold any appeal for you? Or is it more an issue of feeling like there’s nothing really left for you to enjoy even after you retire?

I get how you feel. I worked in healthcare for a bit after uni and the daily slog was awful. I changed jobs entirely and moved to Asia for work for several years, which was wonderful. Could you work toward retraining in a job that would allow a bit more flexibility? I think others are right that there are other possibilities for work that would give you a lot more freedom and maybe the chance to move somewhere more suited to you than where you are now. If you try to think through things you would really enjoy, is there any sort of goal you could think of that you’d be willing to work and save toward? Like maybe you want to work towards hiking Kilimanjaro or learn to sail or learn to scuba dive, and you save up so you can take a few months off to do that. Some kind of bigger goal that you would find fulfilling. It just sounds like you need something a lot bigger than a two week holiday to look forward to in life.

There you are, in your 20s, with your whole life before you. You live in a first world country with access to jobs, education, travel, whatever you want. You aren't going to end up with a string of unwanted children because we've got effective contraception. Read "The Hunger Years" about life in Ireland in the 19th Century!

If you don't like your job, change it - or get further education, go travelling, do volunteer work overseas, but ffs don't waste these valuable years feeling sorry for yourself and wishing your life away. I'm 69. Do you want to swop places?

@cupsofcoffee

It's a very negative way of looking at things.

But, having said that, I used to feel like you and eventually I ended up off sick with stress. I was signed off for six weeks, tried to go back and just realised it wasn't worth it anymore.

I now run my own business and earn the same money working 20-25 hours a week as I did working 40 hours. My work-life balance is a million times better, my mental health is better and I feel so, so much happier and more relaxed.

DH did similar (quit his low-paid job and went self-employed) and the difference it's made to our lives is amazing. I'd never go back to working for someone else again.

Life is too short to be miserable - chase your happy.

Genuinely interested to know what you and your DH do?

I would love to go self-employed but whenever I look into it, the finances just don’t add up.

@Whatapalavaa

Yes I have friends. Yes I have hobbies. I just can't face 40 more years of this being it.

I feel like you're having a quarter life crisis OP. It's genuinely a thing where you think "is this it then"?

I think you know something needs to change. Whether that be your career, relationship, location etc.

I agree.

I'm actually on a term time contract so have much more time off than most- although of course my pay reflects this especially and as it's not much more than minimum wage so it feels pretty crap! AND it means I don't get to book time off during term time so I potentially miss sports days, school assemblies, children's hospital appointments etc. Of course I can only do this because I have an OH who earns enough to keep us going, and I'm incredibly grateful for that.

My OH works full time plus does regular compulsory overtime, at least a full weekend each month. It definitely feels like he doesn't get enough time off work.

I'd potter about the house, do my volunteer work, exercise, read books, garden and bake, and nap. I'd travel regularly and have days out. In my dreams . I just think when I hit approx 24 I thought god this is shit. I've had lots of incredible experiences and opportunities, but it doesn't change the fact that there are possibly another 50 odd years to go. I've never understood people who seem to love life.

I got bored of my job recently so sought another, there's only one person in control of your life. You can spend the next 40 years feeling sorry for yourself with a chip on your shoulder, or you can make choices to improve your life and try to be happy. Your choice.

@ToryStelling - I run my own dog-walking/pet-sitting company and DH is a plasterer.

@Whatapalavaa

I'd potter about the house, do my volunteer work, exercise, read books, garden and bake, and nap. I'd travel regularly and have days out. In my dreams . I just think when I hit approx 24 I thought god this is shit. I've had lots of incredible experiences and opportunities, but it doesn't change the fact that there are possibly another 50 odd years to go. I've never understood people who seem to love life.

God, I loved life at your age. After some very difficult life events, I wish I could go back in time. I do wonder if your expectations of life are too high? No one is happy and fulfilled all the time.

@Whatapalavaa

I'd potter about the house, do my volunteer work, exercise, read books, garden and bake, and nap. I'd travel regularly and have days out. In my dreams . I just think when I hit approx 24 I thought god this is shit. I've had lots of incredible experiences and opportunities, but it doesn't change the fact that there are possibly another 50 odd years to go. I've never understood people who seem to love life.

Completely understand.

I definitely feel like this sometimes. I've realised that it's normally caused by a lack of balance - either a lack of fun or too much, making going back to reality harder.

@DrManhattan

Get a job you enjoy and you will never work a day in your life

Rubbish