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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Life is such a long, relentless slog

200 replies

Whatapalavaa · 01/06/2021 08:15

I'm feeling very miserable after the bank holiday weekend. Life is one long slog. Work, work, work. 4 weeks off a year that we should be grateful for. Trying to fit hobbies and rest into evenings and weekends. Repeat for however many years. I am late 20s and the years stretching ahead are terrifying. I cannot wait to retire. It all feels like a con. Can anyone relate?

OP posts:
undermycatsthumb · 01/06/2021 13:48

I'm sorry you feel this way. I think I would have felt like this if I'd stayed in the job I had in my 20s. I could sort of feel it creeping in by the end and knew I had to get out. I was very lucky that I could and I know that not everyone has the possibility of changing jobs.

But those saying that it's worse once you have kids - I couldn't disagree more. Life feels so much more meaningful and generally happier now that I have kids. Knowing that I only get one year with each of them at that specific age makes each year so precious in its own right.

KingdomScrolls · 01/06/2021 13:48

I loved my late twenties, owned my own little flat, now DH had moved in, got engaged, always out with friends, on holiday, we lived near an airport and would sometimes just book whichever flight was cheapest for a weekend. Always something to do, somewhere to go, people to see, friends with no ties, so much free time in the evenings and at weekends for hobbies, gym or just down time, working 37 hours a week is nothing when you have few other commitments. I was in a job I enjoyed with a clear progression pathway. I really enjoyed that time and still don't think I appreciated it enough.
Got married in my early thirties, then had DS and as much as I love him, we're on annual leave this week and he got up at 5:45 today, I rarely used to go to bed before midnight.....

roarfeckingroarr · 01/06/2021 13:49

I feel the opposite of this. I can't relate all.

fashionablefennel · 01/06/2021 13:49

you are only late 20?

Find another job, another career. It will take the time it takes, but life is too short to be miserable.

Life would not feel that way if you were actually enjoying yourself.

ToryStelling · 01/06/2021 13:51

Another one who feels similar. I’m closing in on 30 and the thought of the next 30 years makes me feel quite depressed.

Work has always been an unwelcome intrusion into my week. I’ve had a few different jobs and not enjoyed any of them. I recently started a new job and I really thought I’d made the right decision, but I hate this one too.

I know I’m lucky to have a job. When I left uni and started work I was so excited and enthusiastic about it. Fast forward a few years and I despise it.

DH and I often talk about starting our own business as we have complimentary skills. But the idea of leaving steady, well-paid jobs is terrifying. We have a mortgage to pay, and we simply couldn’t afford to fail. I know we should just go for it, but I know plenty of people who work for themselves, and that has its own stresses too, just different ones.

KingdomScrolls · 01/06/2021 13:52

Get on with doing your house up, keep busy, travel, enjoy your life. You've got no real ties you're in an excellent position to just do what you want.

ilovesooty · 01/06/2021 13:56

@JoanOgden

You need a job you enjoy, and which doesn't come with ridiculous hours - it makes all the difference.
I'd agree with that. It's the long and short of it. Very few people can afford not to work at all but there seems little point in staying somewhere where you feel actively miserable.
WhatHaveIFound · 01/06/2021 13:57

@DrManhattan

Get a job you enjoy and you will never work a day in your life
This!

I had to work yesterday but it didn't spoil my day. I was home by late afternoon so I got to go for two walks in the late sun. One before dinner and one after.

Maybe you need to make changes to the life you have so that you're not just waiting for retirement. Do you generally enjoy your work/life? Is it just the last year that's got to you or were you unhappy with things pre Covid?

Sparrowsong · 01/06/2021 14:00

100% agree and I have a professional meaningful and impactful job. I felt like this in my 20s and throughout my 30s. Almost 40 now. I plan to go pt at some point probably, I can’t live this way much longer.

GoneOffOnATangent · 01/06/2021 14:06

Get a job you enjoy and you will never work a day in your life This is so dismissive. As if it doesn't occur to people to get a job they enjoy! I think the issues are often more complex than that

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 01/06/2021 14:08

I felt like this in my late forties and fifties, but in my late twenties and all through my thirties no. I had my own lovely flat in west London, a safe but fairly routine job with a great group of work colleagues and an active social life. I had plenty of energy for hobbies like keep fit classes, tennis, cycling, theatre, cinema, opera etc and eating out and drinking. I even found the energy for an evening job on top of my day job for a while when mortgage rates went crazy. I really don't understand being too tired for a social life in your twenties and thirties when you are single and childfree, maybe there is something else going on with your health. Also, only four weeks annual holiday? Surely 5-6 weeks is the norm now once you have been in your job for few years?

Gingernaut · 01/06/2021 14:09

@DrManhattan

Get a job you enjoy and you will never work a day in your life
Oh, bore off!

As soon as something you love becomes the thing you depend on for a living it becomes a slog.

Especially if you're self employed and have to drum up your own trade, do your own accounts and placate customers.

Every job has its downsides.

ExConstance · 01/06/2021 14:11

I feel like this now, worse perhaps, but at least I'm nearly 65 and I'll be out of the grind next year. I used to do a far more onerous and stressful job in m 20s and 30s and loved almost every minute. It is working in an over regulated sector where the incompetence of central and local government makes trying to get your job done like wading through treacle. I am working on a creative side hustle at the moment as i don't want to retire to do nothing. I feel sorry for anyone who is much younger than me stuck in this situation.

JusticeServed610 · 01/06/2021 14:14

I've worked all weekend too
My suggestion, is to appreciate a few small things every day
Be thankful
Make a list of short & long term goals for your future

As per some of the other posts on MN
You have a job
You have a mortgage
You have your health
You have youth
Some people don't have these things

Original poster
Whatapalavaa · 01/06/2021 14:28

@ThePluckOfTheCoward

I didnt say I was too tired for a social life. I have a social life. And friends. And hobbies that get me out several evenings a week. But life feels like a bloody never ending slog. Most places I've worked its 4 weeks off and bank hols.

OP posts:
HIUHwih · 01/06/2021 14:29

My impression is that a lot of people feel like that by their late 20s i.e. having by then worked for almost ten years. Most (but obviously not all) people then have a couple of kids and spend the next twenty years just juggling it all (with all the additional stress, worry, tiredness etc. etc etc). By the time people are in their 50s, they start working towards cutting their hours while hoping to retire in their early 60s...... So I think thats how a lot of people deal with the 40 years of work psychologically.

Most jobs are of course utterly pointless so it's no wonder people feel like it's such a slog to waste most of their day doing something that really doesnt matter. Much of our society is currently geared towards selling people stuff so at the heart of it a lot of jobs are essentially focsued on making the capitalist machine that little bit more productive/efficient/lean/mean etc etc etc pointless. By contrast, people who do slightly more meaninful jobs are paid peanuts so still feel like it's a slog because their pay is crap.

YellowFish12 · 01/06/2021 14:30

Thats a bit depressing. In your twenties, friends, hobbies... and you feel like this? Make a change. I think you need a new job.

Hoppipolla479 · 01/06/2021 14:34

I agree, but I’m mid an existential crisis. I just do not see the point, it’s all so ridiculous and mostly dull

NewPanDrawer · 01/06/2021 14:36

It's better than the alternative Grin

Ostara212 · 01/06/2021 14:40

If you don't want children, a lot lf the treadmill won't apply to you.

Have you really done the maths on the pension? They often tell you need a lot more than you do.

waze · 01/06/2021 14:41

I felt exactly like you and left my job. Last day was Friday and today is my first day without a job! The feeling was amazing. I'm looking forward to spending a whole week with my children which I haven't done in years!!

Sunflowerpower65 · 01/06/2021 14:46

I feel the same way and I'm in my 20s. I don't hate my job but I don't particularly enjoy it either but I can't realistically think of any job I could do and enjoy.

I'm young and I don't have children but I don't feel like I can just pack everything in and travel or take the risk of going self employed because I still have bills to pay, a house to pay for, no family to fall back on etc

cupsofcoffee · 01/06/2021 14:48

It's a very negative way of looking at things.

But, having said that, I used to feel like you and eventually I ended up off sick with stress. I was signed off for six weeks, tried to go back and just realised it wasn't worth it anymore.

I now run my own business and earn the same money working 20-25 hours a week as I did working 40 hours. My work-life balance is a million times better, my mental health is better and I feel so, so much happier and more relaxed.

DH did similar (quit his low-paid job and went self-employed) and the difference it's made to our lives is amazing. I'd never go back to working for someone else again.

Life is too short to be miserable - chase your happy.

user1471528245 · 01/06/2021 14:49

Never ceases to amaze me why people spend so much time working in jobs they hate, not saying that’s the issue for you, they bemoan thier lot and wish away the days until it ends, at your age you are right, with many years of work ahead retrain in something more fulfilling, no job is ever ideal but if your doing something you want to do rather than got to do it won’t seem such a chore

EssentialHummus · 01/06/2021 14:50

Not BU at all. I would say though, with no kids and no partner, you can easily make changes. Move somewhere cheaper. Retrain in something you can do remotely. Aim to do up the house to a rentable degree and go live in Bali. Anything really. I think you need to start by assessing what you do want, and then try to imagine what steps you need to take towards that.