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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do with DH at weekends?

329 replies

Sheeeeeep · 29/05/2021 17:59

I might be being a bit UR here. Feel free to tell me so, nicely would be preferred!

This sounds a bit brutal but to be blunt DH feels a bit surplus to requirements. During the week I have a nice little routine going with DD (6 months.) We do as much as possible with baby classes and when we aren’t there we go for long walks in the pram or sling.

Then the weekend comes and it takes DH until around 10/11 to wake up, then another couple of hours faffing around deciding what we want to do and we always end up on a walk. And tbh after the last year I have really fallen out of love with walking.

And what can I do about it? I’ve tried suggesting stuff we could do but he umms and ahhs and then it is booked up!

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 29/05/2021 18:01

Why aren’t you getting a turn to wake up at 10 or 11?

MarchionessDeCamden · 29/05/2021 18:03

Yeah, I'd have no use for a crap dad either!

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 29/05/2021 18:04

I don’t think he’s a crap dad, tbf.

I think he could do more with her but there’s a big grey matter between ‘crap dad’ and ‘could be better.’

OP posts:
LaLaLandIsNoFun · 29/05/2021 18:05

Sounds like my ex at the weekends

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 29/05/2021 18:06

But it’s all being pushed onto you.

Make him be proactive. He’s not a child.

comedycentral · 29/05/2021 18:07

Do you get to sleep in on one of those days?

Shoxfordian · 29/05/2021 18:09

Sounds a bit crap to me as well
Book stuff and tell him you’re going, don’t ask him

HugeAckmansWife · 29/05/2021 18:09

Can't you discuss it in the week and book ahead? Then you have a plan and a goal for the day.

TownTalkJewels · 29/05/2021 18:10

Ask him to plan things!

I can’t abide by men who expect women to do all the life admin. If he wants to be entertained, that’s his responsibility.

MissyB1 · 29/05/2021 18:11

Sit down and have a calm but serious talk about this with him. Tell him you would like quality family time where you all enjoy the time together. Plan ahead but stress that you won’t do all the planning by yourself, he needs to be involved.
Obviously you can’t be out and about the whole weekend, after all he presumably works all week and would like some down time. But one outing / fun activity a weekend would be good.

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 29/05/2021 18:14

@HugeAckmansWife

Can't you discuss it in the week and book ahead? Then you have a plan and a goal for the day.
Yeah I keep trying but I think he just is stuck in a mindset of walk and walk and walk!
OP posts:
Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 29/05/2021 18:15

missy tbh I’d be happy with that but if he told me that. I’d just go about the day as normal in that case. It’s the hanging around waiting that drives me bananas!

OP posts:
User629202 · 29/05/2021 18:16

I would just book whatever you want to do and then go, with or without him depending on whether he can be bothered dragging his lazy arse out of bed to spend time with his child.

LittleBearPad · 29/05/2021 18:18

Why isn’t he up until 10/11 each day?

WaterBottle123 · 29/05/2021 18:19

You have a man child. A lazy one.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 29/05/2021 18:19

At that age me and DP used to take it in turns. He'd get up Saturday and I'd have a lie in or go to slimming world then I'd get up Sunday then take it in turns. We'd plan stuff so we didn't have to piss about and if your DH isn't ready go without him. Tbf I thought he would enjoy some time with the baby. My DP took our daughter for her swimming lesson at the weekends on a Saturday.

OrangePowder · 29/05/2021 18:19

My DH once told me that exactly how he felt when DC were very small "surplus to requirements". He said that I looked so professional dealing with DC and he felt out of his depth, which if course was only because I got more practice, a vicious circle.

Once we both understood that and I "let" him have more responsibility and practice things improved rapidly for both of us and buy the tweens it was me who was surplus to requirements

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 29/05/2021 18:20

Tbf that was a particularly late one today! DD is teething and has been up a lot. So by the end of this week I was dead on my feet and DH took her last night. Of course then she actually slept for once! But she did wake him at 3. He then couldn’t get back to sleep and is tired!

But yeah normally it’s between 8-9. But the faffing is something else!

OP posts:
BirthdayCakeBelly · 29/05/2021 18:21

Also don’t understand why you are the entertainment committee.
Let him decide and book during the week.

Bagelsandbrie · 29/05/2021 18:23

He needs to get up earlier. With a young baby the day starts early so a lie in is about 8 really- unless you are both taking turns to have a lie in (personally I find that a bit of a waste of the weekend but each to their own)! If he gets up earlier you can get up and out and have proper days out - beach, zoo, bigger parks etc etc.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/05/2021 18:24

Yeah I keep trying but I think he just is stuck in a mindset of walk and walk and walk!

Strap the kid to the man, send them off, chill and nap. Maybe Netflix if you're feeling particularly energetic.

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 29/05/2021 18:24

Well if I let him decide we’d do nothing but go for walks! This is the point! Grin

OP posts:
katy1213 · 29/05/2021 18:24

Don't put up with it. Decide what you want to do and when you're going and if he's not ready, go without him - just make sure you rub in what a good time you had and how much he's missed out so that Saturday doesn't become his day off by default!

Nuggetnugget · 29/05/2021 18:25

OK what I would do is book a facial or nails or hair (or go to a coffee shop with a book of magazine or the papers)

Then get back about 12 or so

BirthdayCakeBelly · 29/05/2021 18:26

@Sheeeeeep

Well if I let him decide we’d do nothing but go for walks! This is the point! Grin
Sorry but that’s a cop out.
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