Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do with DH at weekends?

329 replies

Sheeeeeep · 29/05/2021 17:59

I might be being a bit UR here. Feel free to tell me so, nicely would be preferred!

This sounds a bit brutal but to be blunt DH feels a bit surplus to requirements. During the week I have a nice little routine going with DD (6 months.) We do as much as possible with baby classes and when we aren’t there we go for long walks in the pram or sling.

Then the weekend comes and it takes DH until around 10/11 to wake up, then another couple of hours faffing around deciding what we want to do and we always end up on a walk. And tbh after the last year I have really fallen out of love with walking.

And what can I do about it? I’ve tried suggesting stuff we could do but he umms and ahhs and then it is booked up!

OP posts:
Lollyneenah · 29/05/2021 18:50

I get your annoyance but can't you just find a farm park or soft play that you want to go to, ask him to transfer the cash and book it?

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 29/05/2021 18:50

Before baby we went away for a fair few weekends, city type breaks. Pubs, restaurants, cinema, theatre. Can’t really do them now!

OP posts:
Usernamqwerty · 29/05/2021 18:51

I have 2 DC under 5 and I book all the family stuff. If I left it to DH, we probably wouldn't do anything 🤷

JellyTumble · 29/05/2021 18:53

@Sheeeeeep

No, they shouldn’t be jelly

There is absolutely no law to state that finances are joined when you have a child and I’m OK with the arrangement. I’m just making it clear there - MN word is not the way it has to be.

In RL everyone does things differently and that’s fine.

Yes they should, else you end up in the position you’re in now.

Which you’re clearly unhappy with and rightfully so. How awful to be stuck in the position that you can’t afford to pay for activities to do with your child, yet your partner can but can’t be arsed to book them.

OrangePowder · 29/05/2021 18:53

Is it usual to have every weekend full of paid activities? It sounds exhausting. For us and practically every parent I know, those sort of trips are special occasions/every now and then not every week.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/05/2021 18:54

OK so he gets his half of the childrearing done for free while no changes happen to his finances at all. Totally fair. Not sexist or twattish at all. And definitely not financially abusive knowing you can't pay for activities but not paying for them himself knowing you don't want it that way.

All perfectly fine. Nothing to see here.

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 29/05/2021 18:54

I’m not unhappy with what you are claiming I’m unhappy with, though. But I can see I won’t win this!

OP posts:
cocoloco987 · 29/05/2021 18:54

There is absolutely no law to state that finances are joined when you have a child and I’m OK with the arrangement. I’m just making it clear there - MN word is not the way it has to be.

Then you'll have to be ok with only going for free walks then. Frankly I think it's absurd that you have a child with this man but not even access enough money to book a family day out and you need to rely on him to do it!

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 29/05/2021 18:54

No one said no changes happened to his finances: we just don’t have a joint account.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 29/05/2021 18:56

@Sheeeeeep

No, they shouldn’t be jelly

There is absolutely no law to state that finances are joined when you have a child and I’m OK with the arrangement. I’m just making it clear there - MN word is not the way it has to be.

In RL everyone does things differently and that’s fine.

Apart from the fact that you don’t have sufficient cash to book family activities.

You don’t need completely shared finances but you need access to cash.

OrangePowder · 29/05/2021 18:57

If you don't have enough money to do things you'd like to, but which the family unit can afford, there's something wrong. Surely you can see that?

percheron67 · 29/05/2021 18:57

I don't think this bodes well for the future. A while ago I became friends with a girl who lived about 20 miles away. She had a pretty cottage, ran a boarding kennels and no money worries. whilst she was swanning around in GB her husband worked in Africa, and earned a huge salary. When he came home, for about three weeks every six months, his very presence made her resentful because she had to alter her day to day life. They divorced and her standard of living dropped considerably1 - sorry caps lock playing up.

JellyTumble · 29/05/2021 18:58

@Sheeeeeep

I’m not unhappy with what you are claiming I’m unhappy with, though. But I can see I won’t win this!
No, you aren’t winning. And neither is your child.

Looks like your DP is though - barely looks after his child, gets lie ins, doesn’t need to spend money on his child and never spends activity time with his family.

OrangePowder · 29/05/2021 18:59

Although I am curious as to what it is you want to do with a 6mo that's so expensive. (You have money but not enough? )

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 29/05/2021 19:02

@Sheeeeeep

So I’ve suggested a few things, linked to them and sent them to him, he agrees they look good and then doesn’t book them so by the next weekend we are still stuck with walks!
So why don't younjust book them and say "I've booked us to do ....... on Saturday" Confused
randomkey123 · 29/05/2021 19:02

So basically you can't book anything because you can't afford it?

And he only wants to do things that cost nothing......... in terms of effort and finances.

You've got a far bigger issue here than activities.

JellyTumble · 29/05/2021 19:03

So why don't younjust book them and say "I've booked us to do ....... on Saturday"

She can’t afford it Confused He can, but he can’t be arsed to book them.

BluebirdHill · 29/05/2021 19:04

@Sheeeeeep

I’m not unhappy with what you are claiming I’m unhappy with, though. But I can see I won’t win this!
You are, in that you can't book to go anywhere, for one thing.

Don't you have his debit card details so you could book things using that? DH do this all the time as our entertainment spending comes from our own accounts and we switch around paying depending on who has more cash, paid for the last thing and so on.

Waveafterwaveslowlydrifting · 29/05/2021 19:05

Even if you don't want to sleep in, you could get up, go out and meet a friend for breakfast on a Sunday. Or go for a swim. Or go shopping. Or anything you like!

MegBusset · 29/05/2021 19:05

The finances thing is definitely Hmm but in any case, at the very least I would be saying : "DH, I'm going to take DC to the (eg) zoo at the weekend, I need your credit card so I can book it online. Do you want to come with us or shall I just book for me and DC?"

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 29/05/2021 19:06

I could but I don’t really want to be apart from DD. I’ll be back at work before long and I want to be with her.

OP posts:
Bagelsandbrie · 29/05/2021 19:06

So you have no access to family money? That is wrong. You should both have equal spending money and equal access to the whole family income.

Anything less is ridiculous when you have a child together.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 29/05/2021 19:06

Why does everyone keep going on about leaving the baby with him, and hand him the baby and go for a facial/run/shopping Hmm. The OP wasn't "DP doesn't look after his child and I get no time to myself", the OP clearly means she wants to do things as a family, but people are like a dog with a bone on here!

User629202 · 29/05/2021 19:07

Your finances aren’t really fine though, are they? Because you’re reliant on him booking and paying for things, which he’s too lazy / incompetent to do. As a result you’re missing out on doing things with your daughter, because you don’t have access to money and the person who does doesn’t see it as his responsibility to pay for activities for his child. It’s not a functioning situation.

I think that if he is truly unwilling to or incapable of booking these things, you have to have access to money. You and your baby shouldn’t be forced to miss out because he won’t prioritise family time.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/05/2021 19:09

Why does everyone keep going on about leaving the baby with him, and hand him the baby and go for a facial/run/shopping

She can't anyway. No money for a facial or shopping. Sad