Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do with DH at weekends?

329 replies

Sheeeeeep · 29/05/2021 17:59

I might be being a bit UR here. Feel free to tell me so, nicely would be preferred!

This sounds a bit brutal but to be blunt DH feels a bit surplus to requirements. During the week I have a nice little routine going with DD (6 months.) We do as much as possible with baby classes and when we aren’t there we go for long walks in the pram or sling.

Then the weekend comes and it takes DH until around 10/11 to wake up, then another couple of hours faffing around deciding what we want to do and we always end up on a walk. And tbh after the last year I have really fallen out of love with walking.

And what can I do about it? I’ve tried suggesting stuff we could do but he umms and ahhs and then it is booked up!

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 30/05/2021 09:45

Nappies in the general schem of things when you add up the cost of a child aren’t that big.

School trips, computers, phones, teen clothes/makeup/hair, driving lessons are all expensive and never ending.

I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you may as well be a single parent financially if he’s not contributing.

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 30/05/2021 09:49

Yeah - I think I’d be SLIGHTLY worse off as a single parent! Just slightly!

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 30/05/2021 09:56

@Sheeeeeep

Who do you think pays for DD expenses now?

Home she lives in, nappies she wears, aren’t free.

It’s a shame despite repeatedly saying I don’t want to discuss finances here people are quite insistent that I should. It literally only came up because I was mildly frustrated with DH being a bit reticent over organising anything. Quite honestly, I’m walked out!

Then stop going for so many walks during the week without him?
LittleBearPad · 30/05/2021 09:57

@cocoloco987

So on the Wednesday just say 'remember to book it now or it will be full come the weekend as always happens - here, give me your card and I'll do it before we forget'
Do this.

Or get yourself added as an additional cardholder on his credit card so you can do the admin. If it’s only admin, and not something more sinister, what’s the big deal.

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 30/05/2021 09:59

LOL do you not think I’m possibly referencing the fact that we were locked up with little to do other than walk January - April?

I’m really a bit lost as to why this thread has gone so weird. I started it a bit frustrated with DH, I’m now financially controlled, should leave and should stop walking with the pram in the week because weekends are exclusively for pram walks? I mean, do people not think that’s a bit bananas?

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 30/05/2021 09:59

I think he's hoping that if he sleeps in then faffs about he'll get out of having to do family stuff.

Just go out in the morning just with DD & do something fun.

Arrange for him to have some down time - then do the same.

I think a lot of men struggle with 'family time' from what I read on here. They seem to need more down time.

GabriellaMontez · 30/05/2021 10:03

"Did you see my suggestion about the farm"?

"Can you book it I've got no money "?

Hes probably busy at work wondering why you're emailing him instead of just booking.

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 30/05/2021 10:06

Yes thats all great - thanks!

OP posts:
BabyFartsDoStink · 30/05/2021 10:14

I hope when you're back at work, childcare is a joint expense. Mum to a six month old here and it's £1000 a month when it's full time.

Yes couples do things differently but make sure you aren't solely worse of because of a baby that belongs to both of you.

Embracelife · 30/05/2021 10:20

@GabriellaMontez

"Did you see my suggestion about the farm"?

"Can you book it I've got no money "?

Hes probably busy at work wondering why you're emailing him instead of just booking.

Why would op have "no money"? They married. She should have access to money cards bank accounts
FoxgloveBee · 30/05/2021 10:20

I had the same at about the same time as you, it's a bloody pain and we would not get out until 1pm (when me and our baby had been up since 5/6am).

So I started at weekends planning things to do, booking them and then just going for full days out. It took two weeks for him to cotton on that he wasn't actually needed and contributed nothing to our weekends.

Then he started planning stuff and getting out of bed. I said nothing and have still said nothing to this day, nearly 5 years later.

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 30/05/2021 10:22

to be blunt DH feels a bit surplus to requirements.

Are you ok with that? What is it you really want for weekends? 1. to spend more time with DH or 2. money so you and DC can go out and do something different?

It shouldn’t have to be one or the other. Going back to work and earning money will give you the second, won’t it.

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 30/05/2021 10:29

@FoxgloveBee

I had the same at about the same time as you, it's a bloody pain and we would not get out until 1pm (when me and our baby had been up since 5/6am).

So I started at weekends planning things to do, booking them and then just going for full days out. It took two weeks for him to cotton on that he wasn't actually needed and contributed nothing to our weekends.

Then he started planning stuff and getting out of bed. I said nothing and have still said nothing to this day, nearly 5 years later.

Yeah - this is what it is! I might well try that next weekend if being more explicit doesn’t work!
OP posts:
JellyTumble · 30/05/2021 10:36

Yeah - this is what it is! I might well try that next weekend if being more explicit doesn’t work!

By “more explicit” do you mean actually telling your DP “I can’t book it, I can’t afford £14 because I have no money”?

Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 30/05/2021 10:42

jelly, in real life, if someone said to you ‘I’d prefer it if we could stay off that topic’ would you keep insisting that they talked about it?

I hope not.

OP posts:
JellyTumble · 30/05/2021 10:45

@Sheeeeeep

jelly, in real life, if someone said to you ‘I’d prefer it if we could stay off that topic’ would you keep insisting that they talked about it?

I hope not.

So that’s a no then. You’re not going to be honest or explicit at all.
Original poster
Sheeeeeep · 30/05/2021 10:51

I think you need to be a bit more respectful of people’s personal boundaries and comfort levels jelly

I actually have fairly unique financial circumstances, I am not remotely OK with talking about them all over the Internet.

I’m not being financially abused and I’m not going to be goaded into outing myself because you can’t accept that no means no. Incidentally, in conversations about abuse, that’s a biggie, isn’t it? I’m certainly not saying you are an abuser but it is worth reflecting on the fact that when someone says ‘no, I’m not OK with this, please stop’ that should be respected without any sort of follow up.

OP posts:
DavidTheDog · 30/05/2021 10:59

If I was at work, I’d just book stuff myself. As it is I suggest something on a Wednesday, he says it sounds good, by Saturday he says ‘shall we go to XXX’ and of course it’s full!

Can you say something like this to him and add on, "what shall we do about it?"?

DavidTheDog · 30/05/2021 11:02

I think that people keep coming back to your finances, as that is what you have told us prevents you from improving the situation yourself.

GabriellaMontez · 30/05/2021 11:07

@Sheeeeeep

LOL do you not think I’m possibly referencing the fact that we were locked up with little to do other than walk January - April?

I’m really a bit lost as to why this thread has gone so weird. I started it a bit frustrated with DH, I’m now financially controlled, should leave and should stop walking with the pram in the week because weekends are exclusively for pram walks? I mean, do people not think that’s a bit bananas?

Because the problem is you have no money. Or youd book it yourself!
JellyTumble · 30/05/2021 11:21

My last question I wasn’t asking you about your finances or asking you to out yourself Confused

I asked if you were going to be honest with your partner, and you aren’t.

DysmalRadius · 30/05/2021 11:32

in real life, if someone said to you ‘I’d prefer it if we could stay off that topic’ would you keep insisting that they talked about it?

In real life, if someone asked me advice and then whatever advice I offered was rejected based on unknowns that they refused to disclose and then when I did comment in something they had said, they told me that their comments were tongue in cheek and that my input was therefore unhelpful, I would probably be about as frustrated as I am with this thread!!

People are trying to help you see that your (apparently arbitrary) choices are limiting your enjoyment of life which is what you came here to ask for advice on.

cocoloco987 · 30/05/2021 12:17

Yeah - I think I’d be SLIGHTLY worse off as a single parent! Just slightly!

To be fair I am a single parent and even when I was on benefits I could always always plan and book an activity for the following weekend!

chaosmaker · 30/05/2021 12:43

@Sheeeeeep

He probably doesn’t, I’m the one who should be saying ‘oi im skint’ but tbh it’s hard enough doing that on here.
Yes, that sounds like the complete root of it, maybe when you suggest where to go then you can say that you need the card to book it. It sounds like he just doesn't know how skint you are. Good luck with it all. I hate money it's just so divisive. x
Dishwashersaurous · 30/05/2021 13:00

The reason that everyone is going on about money is because with a minor change it would solve your problem.

You want to do stuff at weekend.

You suggest it on Wednesday and he agrees. He’s probably really confused that you don’t just book it, rather than expecting him to do it at work. In 99 per cent of cases the person on may leave is the one who books stuff because they have more time.

But you haven’t even told him that you have no money.

Plus , the fact that you can’t talk about money with your husband is a really worrying sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Swipe left for the next trending thread