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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants me to earn £1k per week

352 replies

MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 13:40

DH and I both work for ourselves but have very different jobs. He owns a business and works long hours as you’d expect being a business owner.

I work part time providing a specialist service to clients (nothing untoward) and am paid by the hour. I currently bring home about £750 per week.

Because he works long hours I do the majority of the household chores which includes all laundry, food shopping and cooking. He does all the recycling, bins and maintains the garden. We also have two teenagers who are pretty good and self sufficient.

We are reasonably comfortable financially, but DH says we need to make as much money as possible so we can retire earlier and not have worry about money. I see his point but I am happy as I am and would have to do at least 5 more hours a week to make £1k.

It’s causing a bit of friction and I feel pressured, he says another 5 hours is not much, but I already feel exhausted with running the home and quite like having some time to myself.

AIBU or should I increase my hours to keep the peace?

OP posts:
BashfulClam · 27/05/2021 13:42

Ask him what plans he has to employ a cleaner and outsource the laundry as you won’t have the time to do it anymore.

Sportysporty · 27/05/2021 13:43

Yes if he then either does half the chores or pays for a housekeeper

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/05/2021 13:43

Why is he trying to manage you/ be your boss? It’s your business.

And I don’t think you should be doing all the housework either!

bridgetreilly · 27/05/2021 13:44

HIBU.

Grizalda · 27/05/2021 13:44

@BashfulClam

Ask him what plans he has to employ a cleaner and outsource the laundry as you won’t have the time to do it anymore.

I was going to say along the lines if this. Point out that you're going to have to spend money to make money as you're not a robot!
I suppose it depends if it's worth it to you. You are well within your rights to say no.

AlmostSummer21 · 27/05/2021 13:44

Ask him which chores he's going to do to fee up your time.

Actually any bloke telling me what to do would get told to fuck off. It's a relationship, not a dictatorship. If he wants to future plan I'm up for a discussion but not being dictated to.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 27/05/2021 13:44

All of the above!

Orf1abc · 27/05/2021 13:45

Are you only working 15 hours at the moment? If so, I can see his point.

Amelia666 · 27/05/2021 13:46

Yanbu and agree with others re him contributing more/paying for domestic help.

Tinty · 27/05/2021 13:46

Also if you work 5 hours extra a week for £250. How much of that gets taken in tax and NI?

bunburyscucumbersandwich · 27/05/2021 13:46

I want your job!

idontlikealdi · 27/05/2021 13:47

Is he going to pay for cleaning / laundry?

NoSquirrels · 27/05/2021 13:47

You’re self-employed. You work for yourself.

Tell him you’re happy to discuss your earnings and business in tandem with his earnings and business and the hours required for domestic tasks and childcare. Ask him to present you with a plan to problem-solve how the extra hours per week can be achieved i.e. who will be in charge of managing the laundry/cooking/cleaning/childcare that happens in those hours.

If his solution is cleaner/laundry service etc then make it his responsibility to manage the outsourcing of these tasks.

katy1213 · 27/05/2021 13:48

So you do the jobs that happen daily - and he does the jobs that happen once a fortnight? (Why is 'he does the bins' such a thing on Mumsnet - how long does it take to shove out a bin?)
I'd be adjusting that right now - never mind when you've taken on another five hours a week.
A time chart might help. Log your hours. Leave his laundry in the basket.

LeafBeetle · 27/05/2021 13:48

So that implies you’re only doing 15 hours per week at the moment? Even with all the housework on top of that, it seems quite low if he’s working long hours.

However, it’s still your decision, not his.

999Alex · 27/05/2021 13:49

I'll tell u what I've learned these last few yrs about life. Life is short and precious. U might not get to retirement age or have a very short retirement. Your already comfortable and I'm sure you will be in retirement too without working more hours.

Most people could only dream of making £750 a week and if ur making that part time then gd on u. I would not be working any extra. U pick up all the house slack too so is he willing to help with that or are u just going to end up paying to bring in cleaners, gardeners etc.

TidyDancer · 27/05/2021 13:49

Can you clarify how many hours you currently work? If it's 15 then I see where he's coming from I suppose. I would be delegating some chores to the teenagers and considering a cleaner, but you do work very part time hours by the sound of it so if 5 extra hours is going to make that much of a difference I can see why the subject has come up.

NoSquirrels · 27/05/2021 13:50

In a purely financial sense, if you earn £50 per hour then a cleaner/laundry/ready meals etc is a good decision.

But not if the chore of managing it falls on you.

LeafBeetle · 27/05/2021 13:50

Personally I’d work the extra 5 hours for £250 and spend £50 of it on a cleaner!

DistrictCommissioner · 27/05/2021 13:50

What job do you do? I want it!

VanGoghsDog · 27/05/2021 13:50

So, you charge about £70 per hour? That's equivalent to a salary of c£110k pa.

On £750 a week net, you're doing fifteen hours if another £250 is five hours. So, two days.

I mean, it's up to you but I think I'd maximize that £70ph personally and do three or four days a week. With no little kids the house stuff (which many people do while working full time) isn't really a blocker.

But if you don't want to do it, don't do it.

Wombats12 · 27/05/2021 13:50

Think about retirement, will you still be doing all the drudge work?

My DH has retired & the sharing of mental & physical load has been a surprise for him. He's great, got it & is stepping up but I'd be wary in your situation.

You're really well-off, get help in!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/05/2021 13:50

You bring home just under 50k OP I think you’re doing more than enough if running the home too. Sorry but I hate the type of men who are obsessed with retiring early, if you can’t enjoy time and money when young I doubt they will when old.

VanGoghsDog · 27/05/2021 13:52

@Tinty

Also if you work 5 hours extra a week for £250. How much of that gets taken in tax and NI?
She said that was her take home.
honeygirlz · 27/05/2021 13:52

Because he works long hours I do the majority of the household chores which includes all laundry, food shopping and cooking. He does all the recycling, bins and maintains the garden. We also have two teenagers who are pretty good and self sufficient.

How many hours do you do and how many does he do?

This doesn't seem like a fair split of housework, all of his takes are done once or twice a week, yours are a daily grind.

Does he do any cleaning/cooking/washing on weekends/days off?