Husband wants me to earn £1k per week

[MariaMackee]

DH and I both work for ourselves but have very different jobs. He owns a business and works long hours as you’d expect being a business owner.

I work part time providing a specialist service to clients (nothing untoward) and am paid by the hour. I currently bring home about £750 per week.

Because he works long hours I do the majority of the household chores which includes all laundry, food shopping and cooking. He does all the recycling, bins and maintains the garden. We also have two teenagers who are pretty good and self sufficient.

We are reasonably comfortable financially, but DH says we need to make as much money as possible so we can retire earlier and not have worry about money. I see his point but I am happy as I am and would have to do at least 5 more hours a week to make £1k.

It’s causing a bit of friction and I feel pressured, he says another 5 hours is not much, but I already feel exhausted with running the home and quite like having some time to myself.

AIBU or should I increase my hours to keep the peace?

So you currently only work 15h and he works more than double that? If you both intend to retire early then yes, I think it’s fair you increase your hours. If only he intends to retire early, then keep yours as they are

My DH is also a business owner and I'm a Sahm. He thinks looking after 2 DC under 6 is hard work enough and doesn't expect me to earn any money. Though I did earn 70 euro selling clothes and toys at a car boot sale last week and he was happy with that

As a single parent, I manage to hold a full time job and do all the home work, including bins.
If you need 5 extra hours to earn the 250 missing, that gives 15 hours work per week, which is about 3 hours per day of work.
Leaving aside his contributions to the home, you are doing very little paid work and I don't see why you can't add the 5 extra hours without affecting what you do in the home.
Unless you feel the need to conduct a thorough clean every day, which I'm sure it's not really necessary.

How long are his hours? And compared to what you do?

If you need to balance your free time vs his, you might want to address house work distribution at weekends, for example.

If you’ve got teens, I think I probably would be working a bit more, but only if my domestic set up didn’t cause me stress, which it sounds like it might?

You bring home just under 50k

She doesn't. £750 x 52 = £39k.

@Howmanysleepsnow

So you currently only work 15h and he works more than double that? If you both intend to retire early then yes, I think it’s fair you increase your hours. If only he intends to retire early, then keep yours as they are

And when he’s retired he can do all the housework

Retire early? Those I know that retired early, died early or their health deteriorated quickly.
But, I wouldn’t want to be forced to make that decision if it was my business. He can ask, but whether that works for you is not for him to decide.

@Howmanysleepsnow

So you currently only work 15h and he works more than double that? If you both intend to retire early then yes, I think it’s fair you increase your hours. If only he intends to retire early, then keep yours as they are

Sure but if he wants her to work more, he needs to start doing his share of household chores

@VanGoghsDog

You bring home just under 50k

She doesn't. £750 x 52 = £39k.

Thought OPs figure was net not gross

@LeafBeetle

Personally I’d work the extra 5 hours for £250 and spend £50 of it on a cleaner!

Yep so would I. £1,000 a week for 20 hours work? I would definitely do that.

I work full time with a teenager and still manage to get shopping and laundry etc done. I do have a cleaner though.

I would employ a cleaner but he doesn’t like people in our house touching our stuff!

I currently work less than twenty hours but also my job is seasonal and I work in specialist education area in a school environment so even though my hourly rate is well paid I can only work during school terms. I do bits and pieces in the school holidays but don’t earn anywhere near what I do during term time.

He’s also always taking the piss (in a friendly way but it annoys me) because I only actually work 9 months of the year (taking out all the school holidays and sometimes I am not required in the last week of term).

He also refuses to cook anything saying it’s not part of his skill set. But I keep seeing that he does actually work far more hours all year around only completely relaxing on Christmas Day so then I feel a bit bad.

We sound like we're in similar positions (except I earn a lot less!).

Is your job very physically or mentally demanding?

If not, in your shoes I think I'd do the 5h and get a cleaner & a tesco delivery saver if you don't already have them. You'll still have at least a day to yourself.

Could you compromise & do an additional half day?

Ok, so, on average, how many hours do you actually work on the home?

Do you get similar free time, or more than him?

If the balance is not fair, I definitely see his point. It does seem a bit like you are enjoying the benefits of his long hours (does that translate into a much better income?) while having a more relaxed lifestyle.

I would employ a cleaner but he doesn’t like people in our house touching our stuff!

He needs to get over that.

I currently work less than twenty hours but also my job is seasonal and I work in specialist education area in a school environment so even though my hourly rate is well paid I can only work during school terms. I do bits and pieces in the school holidays but don’t earn anywhere near what I do during term time.

In this situation I would definitely do the extra hours during term time then. It would be 20 hours a week and then less in the holidays?

Well, he’s not taking the piss in a “friendly” way, is he?

What’s “friendly” about repeatedly bringing up the same point in a way that annoys you?

He’s being mean, pointed, and he’s hiding behind “humour” to make you feel that you can’t tell him to stop it.

Nope, not seeing what’s friendly here.
Quite nasty, really.

*VanGoghsDog

You bring home just under 50k

She doesn't. £750 x 52 = £39k.

Thought OPs figure was net not gross*

Yes, so she BRINGS HOME £39k.

Tell him your business is diversifying into domestic care. As you won't have the time for you will outsource it to your new company and send the bill to him. It should, if my calculations are correct, come in at £250/week take home. So if you bill quarterly for a subscription service he can pay the first 3 months after he's had the service, you're not unreasonable, you charge in arrears.

Just let him know that you won't be increasing your take home for 3 months.

I’d work an extra six hours a week and use the extra £50 to pay a cleaner. Or go full time, and employ a full time house keeper.

would employ a cleaner but he doesn’t like people in our house touching our stuff!

No no no.... leave his stuff then in a corner but either he does all cleaning or you jointly pay
Ridiculous

As for not cooking in his skills also he is taking the piss

Do you want to retir early?

Do you have the same early retirement goals?

Sounds like you have a flexible, well paid job that you enjoy - with plenty of scope for taking long breaks during the school holidays (e.g. for travel) without losing your client base.

Everyone I know in your position, doesn’t want to retire super early. Sure early as in before 67. But not in their 50s. They want to do what they enjoy professionally into their 60s, just on their own timescales.

If you don’t want the same goal as him, all the more reason to say no.

I wouldn’t want to work longer hours now to retire earlier, if I was already on course to drop my hours in my late 50s. What do you actually want from retirement?

He sounds all or nothing for his work then retire plan... and a lot of people don’t want that.

Let him retire anx Do all domestic drudgery and you can switch to bins and gardening

Maybe some middle ground. You do 2 more hours a week, he does equivalent in housework. I must say he doesn't deserve middle ground. I don't like his attitude. He is treating you like his work horse. What the heck would he say to you if you told him to work less for a better work life balance. Get stuffed probably!

Does he need to work all the hours he does or is it just a convenient way of getting out of doing everything at home that he doesn't want to do?

Perhaps you should work 30-40 hours a week and do nothing in the house and he can work 20 hours a week and do all the shit work at home too?

It s a great idea. If the washing’s done, the front bathroom cleaned properly and something like chicken stew cookies by end Tuesday that gives me a couple of hours on wed /thurs to look at increasing my work time.

And if it’s not done you say I couldn’t, you didn’t pitch in. If I work more that household load has to go somewhere. (He says get a cleaner, you say that sounds lovely, let me know when you’ve found one).

I do work full time, and I’d much rather do my job than housework. But my husband pulls his weight! (Including finding our cleaner.)