Husband wants me to earn £1k per week

[MariaMackee]

DH and I both work for ourselves but have very different jobs. He owns a business and works long hours as you’d expect being a business owner.

I work part time providing a specialist service to clients (nothing untoward) and am paid by the hour. I currently bring home about £750 per week.

Because he works long hours I do the majority of the household chores which includes all laundry, food shopping and cooking. He does all the recycling, bins and maintains the garden. We also have two teenagers who are pretty good and self sufficient.

We are reasonably comfortable financially, but DH says we need to make as much money as possible so we can retire earlier and not have worry about money. I see his point but I am happy as I am and would have to do at least 5 more hours a week to make £1k.

It’s causing a bit of friction and I feel pressured, he says another 5 hours is not much, but I already feel exhausted with running the home and quite like having some time to myself.

AIBU or should I increase my hours to keep the peace?

It's her husband who isn't pulling his weight. If she earns 30% of the household income, he should be doing 30% of the household chores on that logic
Unless fairness is based on effort and stress, energy available etc... rather than pure income.
It sounds like he puts significantly more into work than OP does and is struggling with fatigue and pain whilst she's having a great time.
where's the balance here amongst what should be a loving couple?

Yep @rookiemere the OP will have enabled her DH to do well in his career by doing childcare, covering holidays yet all the while still bringing in a decenct wage and doing all the housework!

I’m so cross on behalf of the OP! He should be thanking her not demanding she does even more!!

@vivainsomnia. The OP's husband just sounds inefficient, tbh, and unfortunately inefficient people end up working longer hours. On top of that, chores 'aren't his skillset' .

The OP sounds very efficient... earns a decent whack for short hours and does practically everything at home. Why should she have to work more to compensation for her husband's inefficiency?

@vivainsomnia

It's her husband who isn't pulling his weight. If she earns 30% of the household income, he should be doing 30% of the household chores on that logic Unless fairness is based on effort and stress, energy available etc... rather than pure income. It sounds like he puts significantly more into work than OP does and is struggling with fatigue and pain whilst she's having a great time. where's the balance here amongst what should be a loving couple?

It doesn’t sound like that to me at all. He would be suffering from pain and fatigue even if he wasn’t working due to his condition.

However he is doing one job and OP is doing two - career + wife work.

Mind boggling the number of people who haven't read the OP's posts. Here's a reminder ....

• DH won't employ a cleaner and 'can't cook'.
• OP earns £750 a week.

@TatianaBis that's not really how chronic conditions work. It's not just a flat rate of symptoms, they get worse if you're stressed/overworked.

There is baseline of pain and fatigue that is continuous whether working or not.

Would you really be happy with your DH getting a cleaner, if you were working 50+ hours a week and your DH was working 15?

Even if he earned more than you did overall?

That’s without the age and chronic symptoms to factor in on top.

Housework is neither here nor there anyway, there’s not 35 hours of housework in a week.

Your numbers don't stack up @BoxHedge . OP works 20 hrs per week so why would she need to work another 35 to be even ? And whilst I agree that housework shouldn't take 35 hrs per week, the assertion that it's neither here nor there is an odd one. If that's the case OP can stop doing it and there will be no difference to anyone's quality of life - except when the dishes stack up, the floor gets sticky and the sheets start to smell, there will be a very real impact.

If anyone needs to look at their working pattern it is perhaps the DH as working a gruelling 45 hrs per week ( with the occasional break for a snooze and learning how to design websites) is earning the same as his DW in 20 hrs.

And yes we had a cleaner up until a few years ago although I only worked 4 days a week - seem to have swapped it for a more expensive mess making dog but there we go. if you can afford to outsource a task you hate - why not ?

@TatianaBis I know...I have one. But that means you need more rest, not less.

It would be like saying 'your arm is broken anyway, so you might as well lift these boxes for me because it'll hurt either way.'

How much rest he takes is up to him. Some people with chronic conditions prefer to work as it takes their mind of things.

I do think you should be at least thinking about a pension, with the advice of a financial advisor.

You don't seem to have saved an awful lot over the years despite having a very decent income, so I'd guess your current outgoings are pretty high. You need to have a long hard look at how much income you would need to maintain the retirement lifestyle you and he want, then you can calculate how much money you would need in a pension pot to fund that. Remember that if you do want to enjoy your retirement there can be added cost associated with that e.g. more holidays or outings - if your DH is currently working 364 days a year, he won't want to just sit around all day every day!

To give you an idea, £500k in a pension at age 55 gives you an income in the region of £15k a year if you retire at state retirement age and take the tax free lump sum at the start, plus your state pension of around £9k each, totalling around £33k between you. Again assuming retirement at state pension age, your DH's £200k pot will give him an income of around £5k a year from that plus your joint £18k state pensions. All these figures are gross, so income tax needs to be considered.

Of course these are all very rough figures, and don't take into account loads of factors e.g. retiring earlier so less growth in the pots and no state pension etc. As others have pointed out there are tax benefits to having your savings for retirement in a pension rather than other forms of investment.

Wow, what a twat. He wants you to work more, and do all of the housework and cooking? And he's refusing to learn to cook.

Does he have any redeeming features at all?!

£750 per week take home is loads of money, why would you want to work more if you don't have to?

You need to have a long hard look at how much income you would need to maintain the retirement lifestyle you and he want

OP says she doesn’t want to retire she’s perfectly happy as she is.

And she doesn’t want to work longer hours given that she has sole responsibility for the house and chores.

She could say she will spend the 5 hours a week working that she currently spends on cleaning/laundry and pay a cleaner to do those jobs instead. I’m sure her DH will say he will do it but he won’t when it comes to it.

Once he’s retired he can take over the domestic work and she can increase her hours.

if they split the bills 50/50 as OP said and she does 90% of housework at least
then she is covering her share
she also said she has 350K inheritance instead of her own personal pension so her DH has 200k in a pension fund they have another 40K in ISA's two state pensions, they are mortgage free

I think they could retire sooner rather than later provided they don't want 6 cruises a year type of retirment with no mortgage
the 18K state pension ( 2 x 9k tax free) will cover bills, food and car expenses occasional eating out and day trips and 1 Uk holiday a year basic house maintenance modest presents for family. my parents do all this on less as my mother doesn't quite have full state pension
The rest of the income / savings pension will pay for all the extras new cars, foreign holidays house alterations

if you have enough money there is no need to work more to earn more you cut your cloth accordingly

@Bluedeblue

*We both have ISA’s with £20k and inheritances totalling £350k he has a pension worth £200k I have no pension We share all bills and any money earned however he ploughs his profits straight back into the business. We have no mortgage so bills are low* *He wants to retire in about 5 years when he’s 66ish, he wants me to continue working part time for ‘pocket money’ then whenever I want to stop completely he says is obviously my decision I will be ok alone financially as although I don’t have a pension I have an ISA and inheritance (estate is in my name so no issues with that)*

You've got £390k cash and no mortgage, and he wants you to earn more?

Just retire already. You're set for life.

set for life?! I think that depends on how much you spend!

Just stunned at the answers and diversity of opinion here and feeling sorry for the DH. 😂

Someone asked about my numbers earlier, I was taking 20 hours a week 9 months a year to be roughly 15 hours a week. And guessed DH to be working roughly 50 hours.

Hence unless the housework takes 35 hours a week there’s not an equal contribution being made.

All bills are 50/50 for any married couple, as assets are legally shared, regardless of who brings in what, or who signs the direct debits, so I don’t understand that point.

Bills are not 50/50 for every married couple some couples have only one earnersomesplit bills portion atelier to earnings others pay 50/50 regardless of earnings, in the event of a long marriage in the case of divorce assets maybe split50/50 but it will not acknowledge who paid more in generally as the contribution of a non working parentis considered of valve as it enabled other parent to progress in career at the expense of other this is why OP probably doesn't have a pension but she has an inheritance worth more than her DH pension pot it seems she has 370K in assets and her DH has a 200k pension and 20 and sets in the event of a divorce it appears OP has more assets than DH and so potentially would have to give some to him, it is difficult to see how in this scenario she somehow owes it to him to work more.
We know she brings £750 a week in term time or about 39k a year and out of this she pays 50% of bills which as they are mortgage free would suggest there is a lot left over.
We don't know whether her DH who works at least full time brings home 29K 39k or 70K if he earns the same he has the same amount left over if he earns more he has more personal money and if he works longer hours and still earns less then he has less left over (which I think is potentially unfair)

Everything OP has said suggests they are comfortable if not rich or wealthy and there is no real need for any extra money. If they were struggling and had huge mortgage and OP refused to work more hours to help with overwhelming bills it would be different.
As the DH OWNS his own business the usual applies you can't have half a business it either works or it doesn't so less hours isn't always an option in order to stay afloat but DH maybe able to take more time off if he had more staff or he maybe the type that refuses to delegate and does everything himself we don't know whether he genuinely has to work 364 days or whether he chooses to.

Hence unless the housework takes 35 hours a week there’s not an equal contribution being made

An equal contribution needn’t be measured in hours. I don’t feel remotely sorry for DH, nobody’s making him work silly hours.

If 5 hours is no big deal then it shouldn't be an issue for him to work them. Wish him well with it!

@TeacupDrama exactly.

Would you be happy for your sons to have that lifestyle: Man works all the hours God sends, while woman works 15 hours a week and claims that emptying the washing machine, cooking and ironing makes that up to an equal contribution?

I can easily put in 12 hours in one of my five days a week. I do the 20 hours you're feeling faint about before two days are up. I cannot believe you're stressing at the prospect of 20 hours and all the extra money it will bring.

Your housework simply cannot match what your husband does that in time or energy unless you're Mrs Hinch and doing performance housekeeping.

If nothing else save the extra money for your kids. A big house deposit will save them from being like your husband and working themselves to death.

Oh my @CinnamonJellyBeans this thread is really triggering you! You've accused the OP of being lazy and now she's a bad mother!

@EKGEMS definitely lazy, but I'm not saying she is a bad mum. I am just pointing out that if her sons had that lifestyle, she might not think it was so cushty. Maybe put the shoe on the other foot

@gumball37

If 5 hours is no big deal then it shouldn't be an issue for him to work them. Wish him well with it!

You wouldn't be saying that if it was the other way round - OP being male.

Like so many others in this thread, too...