Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants me to earn £1k per week

352 replies

MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 13:40

DH and I both work for ourselves but have very different jobs. He owns a business and works long hours as you’d expect being a business owner.

I work part time providing a specialist service to clients (nothing untoward) and am paid by the hour. I currently bring home about £750 per week.

Because he works long hours I do the majority of the household chores which includes all laundry, food shopping and cooking. He does all the recycling, bins and maintains the garden. We also have two teenagers who are pretty good and self sufficient.

We are reasonably comfortable financially, but DH says we need to make as much money as possible so we can retire earlier and not have worry about money. I see his point but I am happy as I am and would have to do at least 5 more hours a week to make £1k.

It’s causing a bit of friction and I feel pressured, he says another 5 hours is not much, but I already feel exhausted with running the home and quite like having some time to myself.

AIBU or should I increase my hours to keep the peace?

OP posts:
Aprilx · 27/05/2021 14:13

It sounds like you have good earning capacity and if early retirement is a goal then increasing from 15 to 20 hours a week seems like a reasonable and sensible suggestion. It also leaves plenty of time for house related tasks not that I think everything should fall to you.

me4real · 27/05/2021 14:13

YANBU and you already earn a good wage.

You have to think of your health and wellbeing, and work/life balance.

Cocomarine · 27/05/2021 14:13

What even is doing the recycling and bins?

Recycling - you put it into collect box in first place. Even if you don’t have curbside collection (?) you still can sort as you go and it’s one trip a week to recycling centre.

As for bins... every day you empty your kitchen bin into a wheelie bin, put a new liner on and once a week/fortnight wheel it to the road. Doing the bins barely counts as a chore!!! It certainly doesn’t balance laundry!

Gardening - fair enough. Can be a PITA big job.

But recycling and bins wouldn’t even make it onto a list of chores around here 🤷🏻‍♀️

Triffid1 · 27/05/2021 14:14

Mmmm, I can sort of see why he might think you should take the opportunity to earn more as I'm guessing the £750 per week is only for 9 months a year, max. So the extra £250 is actually quite helpful overall.

However, if you working more means that you won't have time to do as much of the domestic chores, then an alternative arrangement needs to be agreed. For example, I'd suggest that during term time, you need cleaners. If he's not a cleaner fan, that's tough - you can't be in two places at once so if the cleaning needs to be done but you're now working, then someone else has to do it.

BumBurnerBum · 27/05/2021 14:14

I received an email from work this week notifying all staff the sad news that a gentleman who retired last month was recently killed in an accident.

The now matters. What you plan for retirement may not work out.

Iggly · 27/05/2021 14:15

Life is for living now, not working yourself into the ground so you can live later.

Original poster
MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 14:16

He’s 12 years older than me so is probably thinking about retirement more!

I think his plan is to hand over the business to our eldest son to run over the next few years and then for me to reduce my hours so we can enjoy time together. I think that’s why he wants me to work more hours now.

But I just don’t want to, I enjoy my time off to pursue hobbies.

OP posts:
Iwonder08 · 27/05/2021 14:16

You work less than a half of normal working hours and as you say have very self-sufficient teenagers. All these people mentioning house chores.. It really doesn't take 20 hours per week unless you are cleaning a Palace. I am with your husband, you are just too comfortable, especially if you are planning to share early retirement

WeAllHaveWings · 27/05/2021 14:17

DH says we need to make as much money as possible so we can retire earlier and not have worry about money.

Have you had a discussion where you say, I am perfectly happy to work less now and retire later? I assume you have input to these retirement targets?

me4real · 27/05/2021 14:17

It sounds like you have good earning capacity and if early retirement is a goal then increasing from 15 to 20 hours a week seems like a reasonable and sensible suggestion.

@Aprilx It depends how complex and taxing what OP does is and how she's feeling with the current level of work. It's 1/4 again on top of what she currently does.

Iggly · 27/05/2021 14:17

You work less than a half of normal working hours and as you say have very self-sufficient teenagers. All these people mentioning house chores.. It really doesn't take 20 hours per week unless you are cleaning a Palace. I am with your husband, you are just too comfortable, especially if you are planning to share early retirement

😱😱😱😱 “too comfortable”

The phrase - money doesn’t buy you happiness applies here. The OP has enough money - she’s not on the breadline, so why work more?

Fitforforty · 27/05/2021 14:17

This reminds me of the story of the business man and the fisherman

paulocoelhoblog.com/2015/09/04/the-fisherman-and-the-businessman/

GintyMcGinty · 27/05/2021 14:19

Get a cleaner and he picks up more of the housework.

Its a good plan to try and retire early.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/05/2021 14:19

I'm normally accused of being a man-hating feminist on here so I'm confused I'm so far off everyone else's opinion.

OP works less than 20 hours, 9 months a year and housework. That is nowhere approaching his hours. She has much more free time. Even if she bumped up to 20 hours for 12 months it's not.

Now he shouldn't be telling her what to do. And my DH would like to retire early and it's not really a priority for me, I love my job. So she's in her rights to say, "I'll keep working later". But if her plan is to retire early as well, contributing does seem fair.

drpet49 · 27/05/2021 14:20

* You work less than a half of normal working hours and as you say have very self-sufficient teenagers. All these people mentioning house chores.. It really doesn't take 20 hours per week unless you are cleaning a Palace. I am with your husband, you are just too comfortable, especially if you are planning to share early retirement.*

^I agree with this. YABU

me4real · 27/05/2021 14:25

But I just don’t want to, I enjoy my time off to pursue hobbies.

@MariaMackee If you don't want to you don't want to OP. He doesn't get to dictate what you do, it's your life. It's not like the family are broke so you need to work more. Some jobs are more stressful/mentally taxing than others, aand some people can tolerate less or more, or want a different work/life balance.

It's your right to say no. If you think it will wear you out, it's not good. Everyone's different and works different jobs etc, so no--one else gets to say what they think you can manage. Plus, it's your choice how you want to live your life anyway.

I'm sure you're right that as he's older it's more on his mind. But he can do him and you do you. It's not like you're shirking family responsibilities of making sure you all have enough to live on.

People have different things they value higher than others, or need more, like you need to pace yourself to enjoy your life, and he values something different. And that's ok, but he doesn't get to make the rules for your life.

Just say no. xx

Naunet · 27/05/2021 14:25

I see, so it very much sounds like:

  1. He wants a modern woman who can bring a good wage into the house
  2. He also wants an old fashioned woman who will do all the household jobs
  3. He wants to retire early and have that financially supported by a woman who will still be working part time

What’s the bet that once retired, and you still work part time, the cleaning will still be your job?

BillMasen · 27/05/2021 14:25

He’s 12 years older so I see why he would like you to be able to retire early. If you work until 67 he’ll be almost 80.

Your choice but I’d see it as you saying you value time spare now more than time together retired...

Cocomarine · 27/05/2021 14:28

@BumBurnerBum

I received an email from work this week notifying all staff the sad news that a gentleman who retired last month was recently killed in an accident.

The now matters. What you plan for retirement may not work out.

That’s all very sad, but how many retirees die unexpectedly within a month?

It is not only the now that matters - though it needs to be given a good weighting.

Financially I am saving for retirement. That gives me something in the now too - peace of mind.

You have to strike a balance - the balance is not 100% on the now because of a very unusual situation like you’d work colleague.

Blossomtoes · 27/05/2021 14:28

I would employ a cleaner but he doesn’t like people in our house touching our stuff!

He really wants it all ways. Won’t have a cleaner, won’t do it himself, wants you to work more so he can retire early. Do you have any say over anything?

Embracelife · 27/05/2021 14:28

Gardening can be enjoyable and therapeutic out in fresh air....not the same as wielding the hoover.
Unless op gets some thrill and buzz from laundry and cleaning.

Don't let him dictate your life
You don't force him to work those long hours

Embracelife · 27/05/2021 14:29

Will he stop you doing your hobbies when you retired together?
Will you want to devote your time to him?
Who will clean in retirement?

Severntrent · 27/05/2021 14:30

Now he shouldn't be telling her what to do. And my DH would like to retire early and it's not really a priority for me, I love my job. So she's in her rights to say, "I'll keep working later". But if her plan is to retire early as well, contributing does seem fair.
If you're expecting to retire early as well, because your husband's hard work can fund it. Then I think you should contribute more. But if you're happy to work on then fine. Prob your work and housework dont add up to his hours.

the80sweregreat · 27/05/2021 14:31

When my dh retired ( briefly) he was amazed at how much extra work I did around the home ( he worked away a lot with his old job , so he was doubly shocked) he soon got another job once he realized what a drudge it is having to do all the boring things.
Outsourcing those jobs you do won't come cheap. I would be inclined to price up a few places ( ironing , cleaning , gardening etc) and produce a bill that he would then have to pay out of his money to make up for the hours he feels you should be working.
Earning 750 a week is a huge amount of money as it is.
You are working as hard as he is I'm sure, I think he is being the unreasonable one here and not aware that running a home isn't easy as it looks either.
Are you happy to be told you should earn more?

Cocomarine · 27/05/2021 14:31

Ah, I also have a 12 year age gap!
Fortunately in the respect of retirement, I want to finish early and have the means to do so. Still going to be 5 years behind him though (as he also wants to finish early).
That’s his problem that he has to wait for me... it’s the decision we both made knowing our age gap when we committed to each other.

I’m not working more or spending less now at 48 so that he (at 60) can plan on me being full time company for his plans when he’s 62 and I’m 50. Just... no way.