I’m so fed up with school runs

[Anon6545]

I feel drained and exhausted. I only do school runs 2 days a week as I work part time. I wish I didn’t feel like this. Just lining up waiting to go in and chatting to other mums just drains me. I feel really down on my days off and I don’t want to waste it. Mornings are okay as everyone rushing to get to work but pick up is the worst. I have no family to help out and husband doesn’t finish work in time for pick ups so I’m on my own.

I blame myself for being so friendly in beginning. I had more energy when my child had just started nursery in the school but 3 years later I have zero energy I feel less able to smile and have chats about nothing. I have a full on job 3 days a week and younger children at home.

I don’t know why they bug me so much. I would love to just pick my child up and go home. I have so much in my mind I find it exhausting talking. Take today for example I was walking to the school and a mum walks with me and starts non stop chatting, I was finding it so difficult keeping up. I asked her what time she finishes work she replied “x time” then said “but I told you that last week too”, like I don’t remember any conversations I have with them!

Then at line up another one starts chatting and moaning about the parking situation. I really tried to look interested and the conversation lasted probably 3/4 mins but was torture for me as I felt her energy just zapping all of mine. I just walked quickly and said sorry I have to run and bye.

I don’t know why I feel this way. I wish I didn’t. I hate doing school runs.

I’d love to know what you could actually do an a school run that wouldn’t upset or annoy someone on mumsnet. I’ve literally seen posts on here criticising every kind of behaviour - talking too much, talking too little, being too aloof, being too friendly, arriving too early, arriving too late, greeting your kids too enthusiastically, not greeting them enthusiastically enough.

To me, it doesn’t sound normal & does sound like you have anxiety. I don’t particularly like the school run, the mums just clamber together (covid doesn’t exist in our school apparently) talking but I’ll be on the sidelines just waiting. I’m not looking to make friends, I’ll be polite & ‘let on’ but don’t really fancy forced conversation & I am an awkward person with anxiety so I feel I always say something stupid anyway!

Yours sounds a bit more extreme though, it’s really not normal for it to affect you so badly.

I know what you mean. Thank god all that behind me!! Keep chat short if too much. One was head melt would tell you about kids party 10 weeks early. Keep x date free. My daughter was around same day. Some mums are too much!!

I think you need to see a doctor- feeling that low in energy and depressed isn’t usual. The school run must be a bind but it shouldn’t be something you dread.

Ask a GP to do a full blood count including iron and thyroid levels, and ask them to do the depression and anxiety questionnaires with you.

I have PND so am very aware of symptoms of depression - you don’t need all of them or to be unable to get out of bed to have depression. Do seek help.

My kids are on the school bus these days (joys of rural living) but when the youngest were in nursery it took forever. Park opposite and kids wanted to play.

Doing school run today due to after school stuff. I'm trying to shoehorn lots in though to save going back down. So prepickup dogawalk with friend, incorporating trip to post office. Parktime, homework for non activity dc; thankfully there's a nice cafe but really one 45 minute lesson means I lose about two hours of my day.

Op I sound similar to you (and also relate to a lot of ADHD type characteristics though I’ve never bothered asking for an assessment).

I find a lot of conversations at the school gates a bit inane and pointless. I think it’s an individual thing, some people like those types of conversations and others don’t.

Honestly I and others have suggested ear phones. I think if you got a big pair (rather than inner ear ones) wear them as you wait for pick up. If anyone asks then your just enjoying the end of a podcast before you pick kids up....hopefully it’ll signal to people that you’re not free to talk.

When I do the school run every one has to social distance and wear a mask. Parents aren't allowed to walk side by side. The kids run in themselves to their own classroom on drop off. On pick up, parents walk to the back of the classroom outdoors and the child exits the back. Everyone walks on the left, apart with masks.

You need to learn to master the blank stare. Seriously, just look ahead and don't make eye contact with anyone. Takes practice so start next time :-)

I like school pick ups and chatting. However you could arrive bang on time as kids are comming out and then you don't chat?

It was a like a light bulb moment for me too. So many woman struggle with this throughout there lives and only now is the awareness of how it affects woman/girls. There is a great FB page @ukwomanwithadhd You might find yourself relating to alot of the posts, if so, there will be info about getting a quick diagnosis through 'Right to choose.'

Turn up last minute, swoop in and out again. I am nearing the end of 11 years of school runs

@JungleIsMassive

Stop thinking of yourself. Get out of your own head. Drop the ego. You're an adult, you should be able to control your mood in an appropriate manner. If other people disgrace you so much then you need to look within to understand why. Don't look out at them. Look at yourself Keep asking yourself why? Break it down. The answer will come.

"You're an adult, you should be able to control your mood in an appropriate manner"

What an interesting stance. Just so I'm clear, adults are not affected by circumstances, hormones, health then? Or at least should never display this publicly? I'm genuinely interested as I was brought up to just be myself and didn't know that people were wandering around publicly portraying a chosen facade.

What would you do if you had your time over again?

@DysonFuree

What would you do if you had your time over again?

Slap someone’s phone out of their hand before they resurrected a zombie thread.

It bothers me too. The cliques and feeling as though people just simply ignore your greetings are perplexing. Its strange because it was so different with my first child, the parents were so much friendlier and we still have a WhatsApp group. But I literally get blanked by cliquey parents in my younger child's year.

I wonder if the fault lies with me? Like have i got 2 heads or bad breath or something?? Or am I paranoid??! But seriously have never encountered a more unfriendly group of people! I'm wondering if everybody else is super shy or if covid has had an adverse affect on socialising and people have forgotten how to be friendly?

this is one of the big perks of home education.

obviously i dont do school runs.

I hate that small talk nonsense. I used to keep myself to myself.

Wow what a dramatic post! It’s ten mins of your live 4x a week and I don’t think anyone enjoys it but those mums might end up doing you a favour one day if you’re stuck at work or your child wants a play date etc. Paint a smile on, grab a coffee to drink whilst you’re there and smile, make the small talk and breathe

You are not wrong op. Many people want to offload there negative emotions onto others and don’t even realise they are doing it. It’s normal for some people who are more empathetic to feel drained by this even if it’s small talk based. Sorry if someone has already said this but couldn’t you just leave it right to the last minute to collect them? Avoid as many people as possible. They won’t know that’s why they will just assume you are very busy nowadays.

I'm not from the UK so I have to ask.

Do people really drive their DC to and from school every day?

Did your parents also drive you to and from school when you were a child?

My mum didn't drive so I walked with an older sibling when we lived close to the school and by bus later on.

It was the same when mine were in school.

First day of school were photos of children getting on the bus for the first time with big grins and parents holding back tears .

I'm surprised by your view of it all. You sound really negative. Do you think you might be depressed? Speak to your GP?

Not everyone likes the school run, not everyone is sociable, but you're only doing it two days a week. And your whole view of negative and gossip is not normal. Why don't you say something? Go and chat to someone more cheery? Not chat at all. Pretend to take a work call.

But what is odd is your view of it, Or the fact you're letting it affect you so badly. You can just decide that you are not going to let this affect you.

I’m with ya... I’m not very talkative and very private when it comes to strangers, I’m usually first in line to avoid getting stuck with people. I only talk to 5 parents max and 3 of those I don’t see much anymore as they have kids at nursery so come later. I literally play on my phone with my airpods in until the caretaker opens the gate.

I miss school runs terribly. None in secondary.

I liked meeting other parents, and when ds's were being hormonal or a pain, I talked to others and they confirmed theirs were too, all normal.

I hate it too.

Sounds like you are completely overwhelmed and not coping if a two minute conversation or a mild complaint from another mother has such a negative impact on you.

I would go see the GP, I really don't think (in my experience) that's normal, sorry.

@RantyAunty

I'm not from the UK so I have to ask.

Do people really drive their DC to and from school every day?

Did your parents also drive you to and from school when you were a child?

My mum didn't drive so I walked with an older sibling when we lived close to the school and by bus later on.

It was the same when mine were in school.

First day of school were photos of children getting on the bus for the first time with big grins and parents holding back tears .

We walk every day. Most people live within walking distance of primary schools (due to catchment areas) thus there aren’t usually school buses but many still choose to drive. Most schools will require you to take and collect your child to/from the door. There’s no waiting around at our school as we still have staggered starts due to covid so no small talk required here!