I’m so fed up with school runs

[Anon6545]

I feel drained and exhausted. I only do school runs 2 days a week as I work part time. I wish I didn’t feel like this. Just lining up waiting to go in and chatting to other mums just drains me. I feel really down on my days off and I don’t want to waste it. Mornings are okay as everyone rushing to get to work but pick up is the worst. I have no family to help out and husband doesn’t finish work in time for pick ups so I’m on my own.

I blame myself for being so friendly in beginning. I had more energy when my child had just started nursery in the school but 3 years later I have zero energy I feel less able to smile and have chats about nothing. I have a full on job 3 days a week and younger children at home.

I don’t know why they bug me so much. I would love to just pick my child up and go home. I have so much in my mind I find it exhausting talking. Take today for example I was walking to the school and a mum walks with me and starts non stop chatting, I was finding it so difficult keeping up. I asked her what time she finishes work she replied “x time” then said “but I told you that last week too”, like I don’t remember any conversations I have with them!

Then at line up another one starts chatting and moaning about the parking situation. I really tried to look interested and the conversation lasted probably 3/4 mins but was torture for me as I felt her energy just zapping all of mine. I just walked quickly and said sorry I have to run and bye.

I don’t know why I feel this way. I wish I didn’t. I hate doing school runs.

be honest then.
"I'm sorry, I'm too tired to chat" is all you need to say

@ChicFennel

wearing headphones or staring at at your phone in a social situation looks rude and a bit teenagery.

I wouldn't call the school run a "social situation" any more than waiting for a train is.

I stare at my phone because I have work to do! I could be on MN if I wanted to, who cares. Howerver, I am not antisocial and weirdly hating other "parents" because their kids happen to go to the same school.

Oh gosh we do make life hard for ourselves. ‘Not being rude’ is one of those hugely gendered social demands. No one would think a dad was rude because he didn’t make small talk.

Arrive late - I am late for every drop off and pick up. Only needs to be a few minutes late but means you can breeze in and out quickly.

Totally shite school runs I agree OP,I have found something that helps so maybe you could try this too? Headphones,sunglasses,(fking mask!!) and always be just on the safe side of late! No hanging around happens here oh no! My little darling comes out at ten past ,,,and at 11 minutes past I am flying up that road with intent and purpose,joining the very tail end of the queue and landing right outside madams class in time for the last few stragglers who take forever to put on their coats,,I,e mine!!! works a treat ,,antisocial maybe but hey whatever works!! Give it a try!

Hi OP sounds like you are really struggling, might be worth speaking to GP about how you are feeling In general and your energy levels and how tough you are finding things.

In the meantime pop on a pair of headphones, the bigger the better and you can just tune people out. Or go with the headphones plugged into you phone for the 'I'm just on a call can chat' vibe.

Struggling? 2 days a week???

After school club! Now that breakfast club and after school club are back I can breeze in and out without any traffic/other parents. Worth every penny. I do need it primarily due to work, but even on days WFH that I could fudge, I still use them.

Pop in some ear buds & just smile. This works wonders for me
I don't chat to anyone but I do smile to be polite.

Yes struggling with the social interaction @Coldwine75 wether that is 2 days a week or 5 days.

I feel sorry for people who are trying to be nice to you/chat to you. Believe it or not, they are also probably pretty busy people and have their own struggles. Please be open and say “I’m not in a mood to chat” or something so they have an idea, because they may think something is wrong with them otherwise. There’s a lot of drama for 2-3 min 2 times a week. I think you have to think about what makes you so sensitive to what considered to be so basic.

I used to love the school run, and chats to the other parents! Or maybe it was a bit awkward at first but once you get to know everyone it's great. We had a park right by the school and all went there on dry days for the kids to play while we chatted. I really miss that now they're both at secondary....

Mid you I was lucky - there were no queen bees or politics. I made one really good friend and several others more casually, we still keep in touch and go out even though our children are at different schools.

I suggest you wear headphones and pretend to be on an important call - or at least listening to music. Then people will get the hint after a while. Seems a shame though - don't you ever want to arrange playdates or parties etc?

Been on the school run for 14 years not inc nursery, has just become part of the daily routine, I can't be bothered with chatting just drop off and pick up a few minutes before they come out, I don't think anything of it anymore. Keep your distance from them, don't be too early.

I do it every day and mostly hang at the back, am friendly if someone talks to me but have given up initiating conversations. I tried in reception and got the vibe people would rather not - like the OP I guess.

Funnily enough the exact same people are fairly pleasant at birthday parties. Something seems to affect us all in the playground. I'll probably start up breakfast club once I'm back in the office so that removes the morning run.

@Shitfuckcommaetc

It's a bit of a dramatic reaction for a 3 minute conversation tbh

Yes to this ^ Just nod and smile, you don’t have to invest anything emotionally if you don’t want to.

Most posts really lovely and you totally understand that I’m struggling and feeling overwhelmed rather than “bitching” about these mum, so thank you.

But human nature as it is you focus more on negative than positive. The really nasty responses that how am I struggling “it’s only 2 days” - it’s obviously affecting me a little more than just being “irritated” it’s a bigger issue for me to feel the need to post to mumsnet. I’m really feeling overwhelmed and on my days that I should be relaxing (as much as you can with a 3 year old and 1 year old at home) I find it really tiring that I have to listen to complaints. No I don’t agree they making small talk. It’s always the same ones and as I look friendly people always off load their issues on me, it’s been like this my entire life. I’m overly empathetic so that means e.g. a “normal” person would listen to a sad new story and forget it after a few minutes for me it stays in my mind for longer. So even though these people are chatting about mundane things their negativity stays with me and affects me. Obviously it’s not normal that’s why I’m on here asking for HELP in dealing with these encounters rather than being told to suck it up and stop being “dramatic and nasty”.

I am not anti-social I’m actually a very kind and nice person but right now I’m juggling so much I can’t take on negativity from other mums during pick ups. Obviously I have encounters where it’s “hi how was your day” with some mums but I’m on here asking for help for the negative conversations where they complain and complain and gossip. I don’t need to be told to interact and be sociable for my kids sake - they see me socialising in other scenarios. School pick up is not my only interaction with people! Also I AM interacting! If I was able to cut off a conversation and say got to go now there would be no issue.

You are massively blowing this out of proportion, just go, collect, come home ...

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Ive not being doing preschool pickup lately due to work commitments and I miss it! I've got friends among the other mums and we all enjoy a chat. I don't understand how you can have children at a school for several years, presumably in your local community, and not happen to have a single friend among the parents whom you'd like a chat with

This.

I always found the school run really pleasant even a laugh both as a nanny and then as a mum myself. At the end of the school year the entire playground would decamp to the local pub garden for drinks. It’s a very sociable school.

What sort if schools are you sending your kids to?

Pretend you’re taking a super important call from work so people don’t talk to you.
Actually, they probably still will. Nothing shuts some people up.

how old are they? can't they walk or go with some one ,save you doing it ? how far do you have to go

What negative energy you are talking about? Complaining about a rain? Wishing that Covid would go away? What? I’m sure no one is talking about their childhood traumas or grief with you. Small talk is a small talk. You are not living in a socially sterile bubble. People talk and I’m sure if you can’t tolerate school drop off twice a week, you may need to seek help and I mean it very kindly. It sounds quite severe.

I’m overly empathetic so that means e.g. a “normal” person would listen to a sad new story and forget it after a few minutes for me it stays in my mind for longer...I am not anti-social I’m actually a very kind and nice person but right now I’m juggling so much I can’t take on negativity from other mums during pick ups

Oh I'm sorry OP, I hadn't realised that the reason you hate and resent other people's existence so much is that you're just too kind and caring and empathetic. aww bless, it's hard to be so much more sensitive and caring than everyone else

I've never done the school run as my 3 get picked up by a childminder. Occasionally I'll pick my kids up but I don't know the other parents so don't get caught up in conversations. Sounds like more is going on here and you're struggling a bit.

Yeah I just pull up in the car, let the kids out , watch them walk in the gate and leave...not a big deal. Getting out to walk them in rarely happens to be honest, and even then it's a quick dash. You should just be a bit early or last minute I'd you
Want to avoid conversations. Mine get dropped off 10-15 mins before school starts and they play in the yard.

I'm really introverted and you sound just like me, I absolutely hate the nursery run for the same reasons and I'm pretty sure it's not half as bad as the school run. Bracing myself

Have you tried wearing head phone as you walk to school and wait. I do that sometimes and take them off when my child is coming out. Clear signal that you can’t talk.