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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m so fed up with school runs

210 replies

Anon6545 · 25/05/2021 21:20

I feel drained and exhausted. I only do school runs 2 days a week as I work part time. I wish I didn’t feel like this. Just lining up waiting to go in and chatting to other mums just drains me. I feel really down on my days off and I don’t want to waste it. Mornings are okay as everyone rushing to get to work but pick up is the worst. I have no family to help out and husband doesn’t finish work in time for pick ups so I’m on my own.

I blame myself for being so friendly in beginning. I had more energy when my child had just started nursery in the school but 3 years later I have zero energy I feel less able to smile and have chats about nothing. I have a full on job 3 days a week and younger children at home.

I don’t know why they bug me so much. I would love to just pick my child up and go home. I have so much in my mind I find it exhausting talking. Take today for example I was walking to the school and a mum walks with me and starts non stop chatting, I was finding it so difficult keeping up. I asked her what time she finishes work she replied “x time” then said “but I told you that last week too”, like I don’t remember any conversations I have with them!

Then at line up another one starts chatting and moaning about the parking situation. I really tried to look interested and the conversation lasted probably 3/4 mins but was torture for me as I felt her energy just zapping all of mine. I just walked quickly and said sorry I have to run and bye.

I don’t know why I feel this way. I wish I didn’t. I hate doing school runs.

OP posts:
Nocutenamesleft · 26/05/2021 01:19

I loved the school run! Loved it. My kids went to a small village school. Sometimes it was a nightmare. So I would be on my phone.

However. I’ve take my kids out of school and home educate. I got to junior school and boom. The school started failing. We tried everything. New school. School transfers. We even thought we’d go private. We tried that. But schools weren’t for us.

So now that I don’t do the school run. It’s bloody wonderful!! I LOVE the freedom it brings. By not having to do it! Oh. I realised how much I hated it. I had 15 mins to walk from one school. To another with 300 other kids on a narrow road. Never worked. Barely ever got there on time.

So strangely I agree with both sides of posters. I loved it. But also hated it.

chaosmaker · 26/05/2021 01:42

I'd have to be blunt and tell them I'm not interested and walk off. I find that easier than putting up with energy vampires. You don't HAVE to do anything in life including putting up with people that make you feel depressed.

starrynight21 · 26/05/2021 01:56

I'm a grandma and I'm still doing it ! If a genie offered me one wish it would be that the two DGD could get themselves to school .

Lanareyrey · 26/05/2021 02:16

Hi OP

YANBU. I hate the school run too and find it utterly exhausting. It's getting a bit easier now the kids are getting older and I can just do kiss and drive without having to go in. Perhaps this would be an option in the future for you.

I was like you super friendly in the beginning and because of various issues with school mums I have now pulled right back. Don't need the drama in my life.

Another good thing is wearing headphones into the school so noone can talk to you!

Veronika13 · 26/05/2021 02:28

My god you're depressed because you have to do small talk twice a week picking up school kids?

Jeez OP, I work for a consultancy. Would love to see you in my job for a day.

Like come on, I'm really trying to be sympathetic but 'depressed on Tuesdays as it's a school run?'

Sorry if you find me insensitivity, but I'm taken aback about some people's... problems.

My parents would be the last to pick me up. I'd stand and wait by the gate. All kids would be gone by the time my parents turned up, so they never talked to others. Can you do that?

Owlina · 26/05/2021 02:32

Jeez OP, I work for a consultancy. Would love to see you in my job for a day.

It's almost as if people are suited to different things? I'd dread waking up every day if I had to your job.

Owlina · 26/05/2021 02:41

Some people just hate small talk. I don't like talking to hairdressers or taxi drivers, people on public transport, parents at the park, neighbours, school playground parents... Anyone. Even when DD went to swimming lessons, we all used to get the kids changed in the same area after, a small room, and I really tried not to make eye contact with anyone in fear of inviting conversation. I just feel awkward. It doesn't come naturally to me at all.

Veronika13 · 26/05/2021 02:58

@Owlina

Some people just hate small talk. I don't like talking to hairdressers or taxi drivers, people on public transport, parents at the park, neighbours, school playground parents... Anyone. Even when DD went to swimming lessons, we all used to get the kids changed in the same area after, a small room, and I really tried not to make eye contact with anyone in fear of inviting conversation. I just feel awkward. It doesn't come naturally to me at all.
Same here, I bring a book go hairdressers so they don't talk to me. Stare at my phone in taxis.

If we get depressed about small talk, god help us when we have to deal with serious problems.

Need to find a way or learn to overcome the little inconveniences in life.

Regardless of that, I've given my tip to OP below as to what my parents used to do to avoid it. Hope it helps and she feels better eventually.

Clevererthanyou · 26/05/2021 03:35

Op, I understand how you feel and it is an awful, heavy, draining and all consuming feeling isn’t it? I also do pick up two days a week but I’m so bloody tense from the minute I wake up until the school bell rings at 3:15pm.
However, I at least know why I feel this way. I have an anxiety disorder that I’m receiving treatment for and any form of social interaction is torture. I’m lucky in that mostly the parents ignore me unless they’re making snide remarks/smirking at me (I’m fat and disabled which I’m assuming is the cause of this). Not everyone is equipped with the ability to make small talk with everyone and make magic school gate friends Hmm Some people are just arseholes.

Meggymoo777 · 26/05/2021 04:40

I get what you're saying OP, I really do... but I don't have to line up and wait, I arrive 2mins before the bell and I actually enjoy meeting the other kids, parents, teachers (3-4 days a week) for those couple of minutes.
The way I see it, my son (11) spends more of his waking hours at school than he does with me (single, work FT) and I like to be friendly to understand what his his day is like with these other kids/parents 🤷‍♀️

LuvMyBubbles · 26/05/2021 04:57

I love drop offs and the catch ups. Sorry :(

Emmacb82 · 26/05/2021 05:09

I find it the opposite. I’m only on my first year of school runs but I think all the covid restrictions have made it really hard at pick up especially. I would like to get to know some of the other parents, but am very shy and rely on a smile etc to start off a conversation. The face masks are really hard to do this, and so I keep myself to myself but feel guilty that I can’t chat to others.
But I really love going to pick up my ds and hearing about his day. Even better when I don’t have to take my youngest as it’s our time together to just chat on the way home.

drpet49 · 26/05/2021 06:30

My god you're depressed because you have to do small talk twice a week picking up school kids?

^This. What a bizarre threads. I suggest you see a therapist for your issues OP. Your behaviour is not normal.

bigbaggyeyes · 26/05/2021 06:42

Sorry if it's been suggested already, but could you drive to school, sit in your car and then walk in as close to opening time as possible?

joystir59 · 26/05/2021 06:47

Why are you all taking children to school for years and years? When I was nine I walked to school by myself. When I went to senior school at eleven I caught a bus for the five mile journey across town.

wickedwitchofthedance · 26/05/2021 06:53

I don't like doing the school runs but I can make small talk for a couple of minutes. I'm sure you can fake it for a couple of minutes twice a week. Like PP go later on for pick up to avoid ppl.

Roselilly36 · 26/05/2021 06:56

I used to work part time & do the school run every day, as DH was working. Just something you have to do. If you want to avoid conversation, sit in your car until the gates open. Have you looked into why you feel so fatigued, to rule out a medical cause.

Oneweekleft · 26/05/2021 07:08

All your thinking is about yourself and how you feel. Why dont you flip your thinking and think "how can i serve others?" "Who can i be kind to on the school run". Focus on making other peoples school run nicer and forget about yourself. I think its a shame your dh has noticed your mood changed too. It all seems like you've put your feelings on a pedestal and are being quite inconsiderate of others tbh. You should be grateful your children go to school and people to talk to and a dh.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 26/05/2021 07:26

@Oneweekleft

All your thinking is about yourself and how you feel. Why dont you flip your thinking and think "how can i serve others?" "Who can i be kind to on the school run". Focus on making other peoples school run nicer and forget about yourself. I think its a shame your dh has noticed your mood changed too. It all seems like you've put your feelings on a pedestal and are being quite inconsiderate of others tbh. You should be grateful your children go to school and people to talk to and a dh.
What a pile of crap.

Martyrdom taken to the extreme.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 26/05/2021 07:28

@joystir59

Why are you all taking children to school for years and years? When I was nine I walked to school by myself. When I went to senior school at eleven I caught a bus for the five mile journey across town.
Because schools changed their tune and won't even consider releasing children unless it's to an adult. Schools around here will only let them walk in y5.
MrsBunHat · 26/05/2021 07:37

It’s a well known phenomenon that some people find smalltalk and surface interactions hard to do and/or draining. It’s not a failing, it’s a personality type, just as some people find it very difficult to be alone. People are different and as someone who feels similar to OP, I’m not attacking or sneering at those who like chit chat and find it easy. They are different - and often I’m very grateful for their skills.

I work at home on my own and after 30 years experience I doubt most people could do my job being alone all day, producing a creative piece of work to a very exact brief on a tight deadline. Just as if I had to work with people all day I’d be useless and hide in the toilets. That doesn’t mean anyone is less, worthy, we just have different aptitudes which is a good thing.

People on this thread sneering at those with social difficulties or who find it draining, haven’t you ever heard of autism, adhd, bereavement, shyness and many other things that can make people avoid interaction? I’m guessing you wouldn’t sneer at someone if they had an autism diagnosis, because you can get you hear round that (I hope), but if it’s just how they are they are fair game?

Imagine everyone around you performing a skill that you just cannot do well, however hard you try, and constantly coming up to you and trying to get you to join in. If you say no it’s rude, if you get it wrong it’s rude, but you cannot become good at it. Every day. All the time. And then sneering at you or acting all offended or patronising because you’re not good it it. It’s exhausting.

MrsBunHat · 26/05/2021 07:38

Oh and re 10 years of school runs, that’s 2 kids 5 years apart in my case. I’m almost at the point where DC 2 can go alone. But some people have more than 2 kids, amazingly enough.

Misseasteregg · 26/05/2021 07:41

“All your thinking is about yourself and how you feel. Why dont you flip your thinking and think "how can i serve others?" "Who can i be kind to on the school run". Focus on making other peoples school run nicer and forget about yourself. I think its a shame your dh has noticed your mood changed too. It all seems like you've put your feelings on a pedestal and are being quite inconsiderate of others tbh. You should be grateful your children go to school and people to talk to and a dh.“

Omg 😂😂😂😂 Is this for real. Literally the last thing people feeling anxiety on school runs is how to “serve” the yummy mummy cliques to allow them to enjoy school run more. Unreal

Rave2thegrave · 26/05/2021 07:43

Get there bang on collection time, be in a rush to leaveWink I feel your pain

seensome · 26/05/2021 07:44

Why are you all taking children to school for years and years? When I was nine I walked to school by myself. When I went to senior school at eleven I caught a bus for the five mile journey across town

some pp like myself have age gaps between children so they have been doing the school run for years, my eldest is 18 but youngest is 9, I walk her to school as it's a across a busy road.