To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

FYI, most people in their 20s living in the city are not doing MDMA and cocaine, so some of the assumptions you have about the health or otherwise of this behaviour might also be wrong.

It's very normal but you obviously shouldn't be encouraging/supporting/condoning it. Health-wise, it's obviously a risk, but you know that. I'd also be concerned about her job. Certainly in the 90s it was very accepted that City professionals did coke but nowadays, especially at a low-level, firms don't want to risk reputation damage. They can and will request a drugs test if needed - and will take action if the results aren't good. Ultimately, there's nothing you can actually do about it. She's an adult with bodily autonomy and choice, it's simply not your decision.

We did it at that age.

I agree with your husband. You are deluded.

And also, it’s not ‘entirely normal for someone of her age to be taking drugs’

The op said it was normal in her daughter’s peer group, not MOST in their 20s

Better she’s honest with you than lies and hides things, as she’ll be more likely to ask for help if needed.

At the end of the day people are going to do drugs whether their parents approve or not so not sure what your husband wants you to do about it.

She's probably playing down how much she is actually using too.

@Kapalika

The op said it was normal in her daughter’s peer group, not MOST in their 20s

No she didn’t. She said:

I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this.

I think it's very common and normal in SOME circles, also incredibly dangerous and stupid. People who do it like to pretend 'everyone's doing it and it's fine.
It's not.

I’d say you were unlucky she confided in you actually. You can’t stop her and now you at odds with your DH.
I mean it’s recreational and hopefully it won’t be an issue in the future. I’m more concerned about alcohol abuse generally.

I'm shocked you're so cavalier about this. It's not normal and it's in no way acceptable, for many reasons.

It's very normal in her age group. I don't know why you mentioned it to her father though. Or why she told you for that matter.

You can share too much.

@Kapalika

The op said it was normal in her daughter’s peer group, not MOST in their 20s

Read the op properly

I think it depends on your own experiences, but I'd say 20% in that sort of age group makes it fairly mainstream. I don't see a huge personal risk from taking MDMA or smoking weed, they are pretty "safe" drugs. But then I'm from a stable middle class background. Those from a working class background should steer well clear.

I did loads of drugs at her age. MDMA, cocaine, ecstasy, ketamine... basically everything except heroin. It was very very common. I would have said it was normal, so am surprised at the first few responses.

I wouldn't worry about it. She's not hiding it. She trusts you so she will come to you if she needs help.

FWIW I'm now a happy mother of two with a lovely husband, normal picket fence house and a high earning career.

Drug use is not good. I'll discourage my kids from it. But it's not the end of the world either.

@BakedTattie

I agree with your husband. You are deluded.

And also, it’s not ‘entirely normal for someone of her age to be taking drugs’

I appreciate your views but can we honestly say that those in their 20s haven't used drugs? I don't think so. I suppose most wouldn't share that information with their parents though and I assume a lot of parents think their children would never do such a thing. I'd say these are the type of parents in the deluded category!

I think weekend recreational use in adults with plenty of money and no dependents is well within the range of normal TBH. I'm the squarest person alive and there was often cocaine around on nights out (house parties usually) when I was that age.

I have to be honest, I would be devastated if either of my kids started taking drugs like cocaine or MDMA when they are in their 20s. Largely because it's dangerous and stupid, but also the type of people who take these drugs are always bloody bellends, and I would hate for my kids to be in a 'circle' with those kinds of twats!

“A report on the latest trends in illicit drug use suggests that 5.3% of people aged between 15 and 34 in the UK took cocaine in 2018, the most recent year for which records are available.“

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/sep/22/uk-had-highest-number-of-young-cocaine-users-in-europe-last-year-report?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

It’s not normal. I’d be concerned if it was my daughter.

One bad batch, one hit of cocaine too many can cause a heart attack. Both are easily fatal. I don't care if it's normal, or course it's not ok. What happens when she has a reaction, or accidentally ods and ends up seriously ill? Is that still fine? She's been lucky - that's it. Very dumb and irresponsible luck. Whether she's otherwise fit and healthy makes no difference. Could still kill her the next time she does it. She is being ridiculously stupid.

Smile all you like the ethical issues remain.

@Mylittlepony374

I did loads of drugs at her age. MDMA, cocaine, ecstasy, ketamine... basically everything except heroin. It was very very common. I would have said it was normal, so am surprised at the first few responses.

I wouldn't worry about it. She's not hiding it. She trusts you so she will come to you if she needs help.

FWIW I'm now a happy mother of two with a lovely husband, normal picket fence house and a high earning career.

Drug use is not good. I'll discourage my kids from it. But it's not the end of the world either.

See I find this incredibly worrying. You HONESTLY wouldn't be that bothered to find out your kids were regularly using ketamine, MDMA, cocaine.....??? Mind blown..... YOU might have been ok, but many many lives are ruined by these bloody awful substances! Speechless.

This is awful. Your daughter is breaking the law and seriously endangering her health and you’re just fine with it??? HOW???

And before anyone says, I'm 30 and neither myself, husband or anyone in my close circle of friends has used anything other than an occasional spliff.
I cannot believe people are talking about coke like it's harmless