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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

999 replies

saltyskies8 · 25/05/2021 16:18

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 27/05/2021 06:26

Street valium has been the biggest killer around my area.

ConkerBonkers · 27/05/2021 06:35

Bungalows I can't work out if your serious or not. Do you really think this is okay for middle class and not working class people? Why do you think this? So if your dad is a lawyer go full steam ahead, bumps ahoy, and if he's an HGV driver abstain entirely a coffin awaits? Why do you think this?

BilboBercow · 27/05/2021 07:10

I used drugs recreationally in my late teens/early 20s, mostly ecstasy and speed, then for a brief time cocaine in my late 20s. I was never addicted, never got into debt, but recreational drugs definitely fuck with your mental health.

Another thing to consider is with "uppers" like your DD is using, there's really no safe amount to take. She's rolling the dice with her health every single time. Ok most drug dealers aren't actually trying to kill their customers (contrary to popular belief) but the drugs aren't being prepared in sterile conditions and are cut with other things to make them go further. She could easily consume something she takes a reaction to. Or she could stroke out or have a heart attack purely as a reaction to the drug.

Surfschool · 27/05/2021 07:39

I used drugs for fun up to the age of 30 when I had children. Some of my friends still do it, twenty years on. Mostly they smoke weed but also take coke and MDMA occasionally.
They are social workers, teachers etc all have nice families.

cocoloco987 · 27/05/2021 08:03

But then I'm from a stable middle class background. Those from a working class background should steer well clear.

Grin
RampantIvy · 27/05/2021 08:14

I hate it when the "cool streetwise" parents say that those of us whose DC aren't into drugs are being naive.

I also hate it when posters normalise illegal drug taking. It might be normal, but it doesn't make it OK. Being overweight is "normal", drinking too much is "normal", but neither of them are OK either.

And most of all I hate that what seems like the vast majority of mumsnetters don't want to or can't believe that a great many of us don't do illegal drugs and don't have friends/workmates who do illegal drugs and who also have friends who have never wanted to.

I know DD has tried weed, I know she doesn't want to try coke or MDMA etc, and hasn't done so. She has health issues that could be made worse by taking them, and she is already on a cocktail of prescription drugs.

Since the OP has asked about drug taking from a health issue I would say that as they are illegal and therefore not regulated the main danger is what these drygs are mixed with and the fact that each batch will be of a different strength.

DoItAfraid · 27/05/2021 08:17

@Grizalda

Whilst you can't control her (obviously) it's incredibly stupid to condone drug use, and it almost sounds like you bloody well encourage her!

She is not your mate, she's your daughter. Stop trying to be cool. You can disagree with someone's choices without falling out. How cool will you feel if you get the call that she's overdone it and is dead?

I agree.

Drug use is a slippery slope.

It always starts as "recreational" but it doesn't always end that way.

I am surprised at your attitude OP.

firstimemamma · 27/05/2021 08:21

You do realise that these drugs are not just the drugs in their pure form op. They are often bulked out with other things which are usually quite horrible e.g rat poison.

My fiancé is a paramedic and lets just say he's seen some terrible things. It can go so wrong and it's not safe.

Surfschool · 27/05/2021 08:22

@firstimemamma

You do realise that these drugs are not just the drugs in their pure form op. They are often bulked out with other things which are usually quite horrible e.g rat poison.

My fiancé is a paramedic and lets just say he's seen some terrible things. It can go so wrong and it's not safe.

I'm sure he's seen a lot worse and a lot more frequent alcohol emergencies.
ILoveToads · 27/05/2021 08:22

I'd be less worried about your daughter, and be more concerned about how her bit of fun is contributing to the death of so many people who get killed due to drug related gang violence.

expatinspain · 27/05/2021 08:36

Did this in my 20's, as did the majority of my friends. We all held down good jobs and it never
became a problem. I don't do it now. For most people it's not something to worry about, but there will always be a small percentage for which it will become a problem. People frequently binge drink huge amounts of alcohol and their parents never seem worried about that, which is ironic as it's much more likely that people will develop alcohol problems than drug issues as alcohol is much cheaper and more easily available.

dangerrabbit · 27/05/2021 08:45

This thread totally reminds me of this 20 year old onion article:

www.theonion.com/drugs-now-legal-if-user-is-employed-1819566391

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2021 09:12

I’ve honestly never met a parent who hears their adult child takes hard drugs and doesn’t find it concerning and says “well everyone does it”. Well not unless the parent also is a druggie.

Roonerspismed · 27/05/2021 09:15

I have lived a sheltered life.is this a London thing?

I would be devastated on so many levels not least the misery drugs bring to the world

jagoda · 27/05/2021 09:20

@Bluntness100

I’ve honestly never met a parent who hears their adult child takes hard drugs and doesn’t find it concerning and says “well everyone does it”. Well not unless the parent also is a druggie.
Bluntness wins the thread (not for the first time)

Seriously - it's not that common, it doesn't happen to everyone, and it IS a big deal.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2021 09:32

Jagoda that makes no grammatical sense at all and is incomprehensible 😂

PetuniaPot · 27/05/2021 09:39

I remember my relative saying having an addict child can hit any level of society but that was a different handle on it.

While I'm on the subject (😉pearls out, being hysterical and whatnot) I resent on their behalf as well the notion out there that serious addiction manifests because there was familial neglect / abuse.

Or maybe because you are working class according to an earlier Mumsnet poster.. I'm not sure that I fully understood that post.

Roxy69 · 27/05/2021 09:53

@Grizalda

Whilst you can't control her (obviously) it's incredibly stupid to condone drug use, and it almost sounds like you bloody well encourage her!

She is not your mate, she's your daughter. Stop trying to be cool. You can disagree with someone's choices without falling out. How cool will you feel if you get the call that she's overdone it and is dead?

This is so true, well said. I'm so glad I had a mother and not someone trying to be cool or a mate. I always had respect for her even if I didn't always follow her advice. I was sad reading this original post.
Branleuse · 27/05/2021 09:54

noone cuts cocaine with rat poison ffs. That would be murder, and theyd lose a customer.
Drugs are often cut but its with stuff like talc paracetamol, or some inert powder that doesnt do anything, but which is usually more of a risk for injectors than sniffers. Cutting drugs is a problem because of being unable to tell the purity or quality which is why unexpectedly pure batches kill people who accidentally OD. Not that theyve snorted rat poison

PaperbackRider · 27/05/2021 09:57

@Branleuse

noone cuts cocaine with rat poison ffs. That would be murder, and theyd lose a customer. Drugs are often cut but its with stuff like talc paracetamol, or some inert powder that doesnt do anything, but which is usually more of a risk for injectors than sniffers. Cutting drugs is a problem because of being unable to tell the purity or quality which is why unexpectedly pure batches kill people who accidentally OD. Not that theyve snorted rat poison
A BBC Radio 5 live Breakfast investigation has found that some drug dealers are using cutting agents such as horse tranquillizer, rat poison and even cut glass to maximize profits....Dean Ames is a leading drug specialist at the Forensic Science Service

www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-11180899

PricklesAndSpikes · 27/05/2021 10:04

@Bluntness100

Jagoda that makes no grammatical sense at all and is incomprehensible 😂
Just checking you know that's a line from Friends...? Wink
Nokiding · 27/05/2021 11:04

Taking MDMA with close friends in your twenties is a really beneficial and enjoyable experience that I wouldn't want my daughter to miss out on.

EYProvider · 27/05/2021 11:14

Grow up, @Nokiding. You sound pathetic.

rosedrop · 27/05/2021 11:17

My SILs brother died after taking a dodgy batch of heroin. The family could not bury him for a few months whilst the police investigated where it had come from. Knock on effect it killed his mother as she could not live with losing her son that way. The only good thing to come out of it is that as this thing hangs over our whole extended family it is a lesson learnt. Just hope future generations will understand the pitfalls. No getting away from it drugs come to us via scumbags who think nothing of killing anyone that crosses them and least of all the idiots paying them to play Russian roulette with their health.

Branleuse · 27/05/2021 11:22

@Nokiding

Taking MDMA with close friends in your twenties is a really beneficial and enjoyable experience that I wouldn't want my daughter to miss out on.
I miss those days so much. Cant handle the comedowns though. It does catch up with you. Most people stop and grow out of it and those that dont, something else would have got them anyway