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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

999 replies

saltyskies8 · 25/05/2021 16:18

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

OP posts:

iklboo · 25/05/2021 16:41

We did it at that age.

No 'we' didn't.

Pedalpushers · 25/05/2021 16:41

I think those who think it isn't normal are very naive. That said, something being normal still doesn't mean her dad has to like it, it's still illegal.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 25/05/2021 16:42

Well I've never taken MDMA in my 20s and I only turned 30 last year. Smoked the occasional joint but never anything harder. It's not normal in my social circle.

Honestly I find people who take those kind of drugs a bit pathetic.

wildeverose · 25/05/2021 16:42

@Waxonwaxoff0

Well I've never taken MDMA in my 20s and I only turned 30 last year. Smoked the occasional joint but never anything harder. It's not normal in my social circle.

Honestly I find people who take those kind of drugs a bit pathetic.

Couldn't agree more

BakedTattie · 25/05/2021 16:43

So because you think it’s normal you think it’s ok? Is that what you’re saying?

Am I therefore not normal as I’ve never taken MDMA or cocaine? Or maybe I’m just more intelligent than your daughter?

Because taking any illegal drugs that could be cut, mixed or replaced with anything, is stupid and dangerous.

But her it’s your daughter, and thank god not mine.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 25/05/2021 16:43

And FWIW, no, I didn't do any drugs in my 20's.

Letsgetreadytocrumble · 25/05/2021 16:44

I always feel like I have had such a sheltered life on these threads, because apart from cannabis in its various forms, I don't think I have ever actually seen any other drugs in real life!

Original poster

saltyskies8 · 25/05/2021 16:45

@Pedalpushers

I think those who think it isn't normal are very naive. That said, something being normal still doesn't mean her dad has to like it, it's still illegal.

Thank you. I do feel there are a lot of parents out there in denial about drug use. By no means am I happy about it, nor do I expect DH to be, but I don't believe we have cause to be seriously concerned at this stage.

OP posts:

twiggytwoo · 25/05/2021 16:45

I think it is quite common in London - not all circles of my friends dabbled but I would say a majority of circles and majority of people in those circles in their 20s.

Yes it's more dangerous taking drugs than it is not taking drugs... buttttttttt a lot of people are doing this and if your DD is otherwise sensible I wouldn't worry too much.

I'm fairly sure you freaking out is not going to change anything and she is in her 20s and will be aware of the risks.

wildeverose · 25/05/2021 16:45

@Letsgetreadytocrumble

I always feel like I have had such a sheltered life on these threads, because apart from cannabis in its various forms, I don't think I have ever actually seen any other drugs in real life!

I haven't either! Its absolutely not normal in my social circle and thank god for that!

Grizalda · 25/05/2021 16:46

Whilst you can't control her (obviously) it's incredibly stupid to condone drug use, and it almost sounds like you bloody well encourage her!

She is not your mate, she's your daughter. Stop trying to be cool. You can disagree with someone's choices without falling out. How cool will you feel if you get the call that she's overdone it and is dead?

Flowerclock · 25/05/2021 16:46

I've never taken drugs OP, in my teens or 20s.

In some ways you're right. People on here will crow on about drugs while knocking back a bottle of wine a night. So they can't really judge on the health aspects.

But, knowing personally how drugs are brought into the country, how they are distributed and how they are sold to even high end buyers, I would not be happy for my child to use them. But if you are OK with your DC sniffing something that's been up five crackheads arseholes, foreskins and vaginas then don't let anyone on MN stop you.

LubaLuca · 25/05/2021 16:46

I don't think anyone's surprised that some adults take drugs at the weekend. I am genuinely surprised that anyone in their 20s would want to tell their parents anything about their illicit behaviour though - there are no benefits to telling your mum you like getting off your tits on ecstasy, are there? Or am I missing the point?

I'd much rather not have that burden of worry for my adult children.

Lovemusic33 · 25/05/2021 16:47

I don’t think it’s totally normal, for me it was normal at 18 though I didn’t do it to the extent your dd does, a few of my friends were doing it but not most of them. At 27 I was a mother so far more responsible and not out doing drugs 😬.

What ever your views are (or your husbands views) there’s not much you can do about it, your dd is a adult and if she wants to continue to put this stuff into her body then that’s her choice.

I’m not totally against drugs but my job means I get to see the damage drugs does.

Pedalpushers · 25/05/2021 16:49

I'm not sure what posters really expect you to do about it even if you were completely horrified. She's an adult who doesn't live with you, all of this 'thank god it's your stupid daughter instead of mine' is rather sanctimonious and also pointless. However, she obviously trusts you and so I do think you should feel free to voice any concerns you have, MDMA is not a particularly dangerous drug but coke really isn't great for your health at any age.

Beautiful3 · 25/05/2021 16:49

I don't think it is normal though?! I didn't do it and none of my friends did either. I think its incredibly dangerous. All its takes is for one bad batch to potentially, kill.

DulseSeaweed · 25/05/2021 16:50

It's good she tells you. I and everyone I knew at uni did those sorts of drugs. We are all boring now and many are now doctors, lawyers etc.

My sister and SIL (both young and single) both still do those sorts of drugs. Interesting that the thread is split between those who think it's normal and those that think it's really uncommon. Maybe a London thing as that's where I spent my yoof (am now out in countryside where my biggest vice is spending too much on plants)??

I hope when my kids grow up they can talk to me and we can discuss safety issues they should be aware of. She's an adult so I'm not sure what your DH thinks being horrified and slapping her on the wrist is going to do.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 25/05/2021 16:50

My DDs are 20 and tell me that drugs are rife everywhere they go - pubs, clubs (pre covid), parties, festivals. I know one of them has tried quite a lot but now only drinks. I would be concerned if I thought she was doing this every weekend.

I do wonder why these 20 somethings over share so much with their parents these days, we would never have told our parents anything like that - in some ways it's a good thing, but obv adds to our worry.

drpet49 · 25/05/2021 16:50

I genuinely don’t know anyone who takes drugs.

NoMoreAngelDelight · 25/05/2021 16:51

One pill can kill. Simple.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 25/05/2021 16:51

How very telling that the OP is responding only the posters normalising drug use or telling parents we're in denial. How very depressing.
I suppose you do realise lots of parents on here have to hell and back with their teenagers addictions to these 'harmless' drugs. 😡

malificent7 · 25/05/2021 16:53

It's great you have an open honest dialogue...perhaps hint that although it may be ' normal' it is not healthy and perhaps point out various celeb coke heads with no nasal septum....eg...Ms D Westbrook.

Serpenta · 25/05/2021 16:53

@LubaLuca

I'd much rather not have that burden of worry for my adult children.

Agree

BakedTattie · 25/05/2021 16:53

@Pedalpushers

Not sanctimonious, just a fact.

And it’s about as pointless as you saying you don’t know what posters expect her to do.

Ladylimpet · 25/05/2021 16:53

You have said in your title you are not concerned. That is strange. I'd be very concerned.

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