I wasn't told my DS had an accident

[Stickaround]

I wasn't sure where to post this so apologies if it's in the wrong place.

My DS6 has been at his Dad's the weekend just gone, back tomorrow.

I don't have any communication with his Dad, it all goes through his wife who I get on fairly well with.

I just had a text to say something along the lines of 'Just to let you know DS6 had an accident yesterday so we spent the afternoon in A&E. Thought bone may be broken but it's just a very bad sprain and he's got a few lumps and bruises'. I called her but no answer.

Am I being unreasonable for thinking I should have been called from A&E to be told what had happened? DS6 is with me 60/40. I would appreciate other peoples opinions before I get hold of his wife.

Stand down.
They were dealing with it and didn’t want you either a) there or b) disturb you.
Say next time you’d like to be told about anything a bit earlier.

Calmly mention that if anything happens in future you'd appreciate a call at the time.

Don't go in emotional.

I don't see why you would expect a call for a potential broken bone, a serious accident of course but not a broken bone. Realistically there was nothing you could do in that situation and I'd much rather his father was concentrating on DS than trying to keep me updated.

I'd maybe ask him to let you know in future but I don't think he did anything wrong by not getting in touch.

No, he got hurt, they got him appropriate treatment. He is fine. Nothing was done deliberately. His Dad is a parent and doesn’t need to call you mid crisis to get your input any more than you’d need to call him.

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable OP. Some of these answers are weird. Hope your DS is ok.

Was there anything you could have done to help at the time? I think just saying you'd prefer to be contacted at the time is perfectly fine, but if they were focussing on your sons needs first and foremost a delay in communications has to be expected to some extent.

If there are no concerns with care or competency generally, and the injury isn't serious, then finding out at handover is fine.

Wow! Some weird responses here. Of course you should have been told your 6 year old was in A and E with a potential broken bone

YANBU
I would want to know in those circumstances and I would tell ex if something similar happened to DC while in my care.

Would you let him know at the time if the situation was reversed?

Would you call them if DS was in A&E? If yes then YANBU. If not then YABU.

Maybe in normal times, but currently for a non serious injury, and when you wouldn’t be allowed in A&E, surely it’s better not to know

What would you have done with that information though? Given he was in the care of a parent, and we’re talking a possible broken bone not anything life threatening or altering, you didn’t need to be at the hospital. Presumably until they were done at A&E they weren’t sure what the injury was so they wouldn’t have been able to tell you much. So why not just fill you in afterwards? The complaint I would have is that they haven’t explained what actually happened now.

There are some VERY odd answers here. Of course you should be told if your child is in A and E!

FFS.

What is the world coming to that people are so loathe to speak to their exes that they will normalise this kind of division.

The adults chose to get divorced. That doesn't mean a frightened child, in pain, doesn't have a right to have his mum called (or dad).

YANBU. DD once had an accident while with her stepmum and needed stitches and neither of them said anything to me. Just dropped her off and sped off. I was furious, not that she got hurt because that could happen anytime, but that they didn't explain it to me

Yes I'd want to know. I'd calmly ask if they could tell you sooner if anything like this happens again but don't criticise what they did this time.

YANBU. I would expect both parents to be kept in the loop if my child had been taken to A&E under any circumstances.

Yes you should have been told. I know that even if he is with his dad, DS would still want his mum if this happened to him.

@Happycat1212

Would you let him know at the time if the situation was reversed?

Yes I think you have to ask yourself this honestly.

Would you message or call his dad from A&E in the middle of dealing with it? Or would you update when you knew what was happening or would you tell him after?

If you truthfully believe you would update him whilst you were at the hospital then fair enough just say “if anything like this were to happen again then I’d like to know at the time and I would do the same for you” and then leave it at that. No need to add emotion or get into a debate.

He is his parent and therefore really doesn’t need to defer to you whilst your son is in his care - but I totally appreciate that as a mum I would want to bloody well know if my kid was in hospital!

But considering you have no direct contact with the dad this would suggest to me that you don’t have an amicable grown up parenting relationship and therefore you probably can’t expect much empathy or understanding from him

In the covid world you wouldn’t have been allowed in, it would have been nice to know yes, but not much you could have done. If it had been broken they would have told you but if it was nothing then that’s fine too.

Maybe just approach is as next time if you could ring me that would be great type of thing. Don’t go into it annoyed etc

@LyndaMcLynda

Yes you should have been told. I know that even if he is with his dad, DS would still want his mum if this happened to him.

The liklihood is the OP wouldn't actually be able to go into the hospital to be with him though due to the Covid limits.

You should have been told, but they wouldn't have let you in at the hospital - one person only due to Covid.

Would you have contacted his dad is a similar scenario (be honest) because that would make a difference.
Patients in hospital are only allowed one person with them at the moment so there would have been nothing useful you could do.
That being said, I think probably they should have called you. I’d try and express this calmly though!

Definitely should’ve been told but try not to fall out with them about it

As they all said.

Stand down.

They dealt with it and, unless you can say with absolute honesty, that you would acted differently, they did what anyone would have done.

The % of time you each have DS isimmaterial. Really, it is not important. Hid DF sees him, he is well looked after and accidents happen.

Them being out of contact now is a bit shabby, but you don't kno w why, so simmer down and be polite at drop off! Don't make this into a big thing. It is a kid thing!

I would be really cross if this happened and I wasn’t informed. You’re his mom for goodness sake.