I wasn't told my DS had an accident

[Stickaround]

I wasn't sure where to post this so apologies if it's in the wrong place.

My DS6 has been at his Dad's the weekend just gone, back tomorrow.

I don't have any communication with his Dad, it all goes through his wife who I get on fairly well with.

I just had a text to say something along the lines of 'Just to let you know DS6 had an accident yesterday so we spent the afternoon in A&E. Thought bone may be broken but it's just a very bad sprain and he's got a few lumps and bruises'. I called her but no answer.

Am I being unreasonable for thinking I should have been called from A&E to be told what had happened? DS6 is with me 60/40. I would appreciate other peoples opinions before I get hold of his wife.

@SwedishK I would never blame my ex's wife, she's a good person and I'm glad she's in DS6' life!

Of course they should have told you and I can't understand that some people think you're overreacting. Weird.
Even if it was a quick call just to tell you not to worry, xyz has happened and we'll keep you up to date. Simple. Jeez

I 100% think you should've been told sooner. I would have expected a call either from A&E or as soon as they left. I'd be fuming, but there's nothing you can do about it now apart from ask them to communicate better in the future.

I think you should have been told at the time. It's got nothing to do with if you would go up to A&E covid or not. It's just nice to know. Its shared parental responsibility and a suspected broken bone is a bit more serious than some injuries. I think I would would expect a text after the x ray or whatever point they knew what is was.

They could have always added a 'no need to do anything we have it under control'

[quote Stickaround]@SwedishK I would never blame my ex's wife, she's a good person and I'm glad she's in DS6' life! [/quote]
No, I didn't think you would. It just makes it so hard to address it, when it's a messenger you are dealing with. You should probably say something to her though, but make it clear that you understand that she's not the one to blame.

His Dad sounds pathetic as well, he needs to grow up. What an arse.

I'd be less concerned about being informed when it happened, but rather of what happened. I'd want a word with the A&E doctors, TBH.

If your communication with her is usually good, I'd worry why she wasn't more open this time.

And yes, my concern is that the injuries had been caused by his dad or due to lack of care from him, at best.

Yes of course you should have been told at the time. The amount of people saying you didn't need to know is bizarre. Mumsnet is a weird place sometimes. He's only 6.

I can see why you are upset, but I don’t think this is the hill to die on. I’d assume that they were busy focussing on him whilst in A and E and that if it had been a broken bone they would have called you yesterday. But seeing as you don’t have an amicable relationship with your ex, you surely can’t be surprised that you weren’t informed at the time? It is great that you get on with his new partner but I don’t think it is fair to her to put too much on to her.

No.

If it had been an accident which resulted in aometbjng serious, and he was being taken into surgery then absolutely they should have called. But this was a kid getting a bit of a bump, and they dealt with it. After the tests, if it turned out to be broken then of course they should call but just taking him up to get checked, with a 60/40 split, then you didnt need to he called straight away for something that minor.

My kids' dad sees them for 6/7 hours, once a week, after 4 years of no contact at all. In that sort of case, you'd expect a call straight away, because the other parents doesnt know their medical history nor can they comfort them the same way etc. But your situation is very different.

@LyndaMcLynda

Yes you should have been told. I know that even if he is with his dad, DS would still want his mum if this happened to him.

So much projection

@Lweji His Dad does tend to be a bit lazy - DS6 is forever coming back with grazes and bumps when he's been there. His Dad just doesn't keep an eye on him as much as he should. I still don't know how the accident happened.

@PegPeople, thank you that does make more sense

I am still on the should have been told defence though.

I would want to know ASAP. I would mention it

Definitely should have been told. Your son might have wanted to speak to you or at least know you were interested! It’s probably a big deal for him to have gone to A&E. He’s only little. I’d be so upset if I were you.

You absolutely should of been told at the time, and it's downright odd to not be allowed contact, and block your number? He is still controlling you. What a twat.

As a person who has broken a Bone and a Mother of course you should have been told.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable necessarily.. would you of done the same though? I know he’s in your care more but that’s still his dad, what would you of nothing the very second of changed?

YANB at all. Hope your son is doing ok.

@CharElizaaaa Our DD fell off a climbing frame a few years back and had to go a&e. Whilst I was waiting for the X-ray results I rang ex's wife just to let her know what had happened and I would update when I knew more (turns out she had broken her arm).

Not unreasonable at all to expect to be informed. There would have been plenty of waiting time in A&E when one of them could have got in touch. Very weird that they didn’t.

Be honest, if they'd let you know, would you have insisted on going down there? if the answer is genuinely no, then I think YANBU. If nothing else, I'd want to know so that if it turned out that it WAS more serious, I was prepared to then come down.

But then, it sounds like your ex is almost entirely a bastard. So....

Yes of course your his parent you should of been told sooner. I would expect to know and I would also let dc dad know if otherway round.

@Mydarlingmyhamburger

I’d have gone absolutely batshit. More about the fact that your dc had suffered a serious accident resulting in a very painful, potentially serious injury. My dc would have been distraught having that happen to them and not being able to contact their mum. Can’t believe some of the answers on here

With this attitude I doubt you'd be told anything.

This is nothing to do with the new wife, and everything to do with your ex being an arse. It's undoubtedly an extension to your son not being allowed to contact you while he's with his dad.

You would have liked to be told, but with your ex it was never going to happen. Even if his wife wanted to, he would have stopped her.

How does DS feel about never being allowed any contact with you on his dad's weekends?