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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I wasn't told my DS had an accident

202 replies

Stickaround · 24/05/2021 13:41

I wasn't sure where to post this so apologies if it's in the wrong place.

My DS6 has been at his Dad's the weekend just gone, back tomorrow.

I don't have any communication with his Dad, it all goes through his wife who I get on fairly well with.

I just had a text to say something along the lines of 'Just to let you know DS6 had an accident yesterday so we spent the afternoon in A&E. Thought bone may be broken but it's just a very bad sprain and he's got a few lumps and bruises'. I called her but no answer.

Am I being unreasonable for thinking I should have been called from A&E to be told what had happened? DS6 is with me 60/40. I would appreciate other peoples opinions before I get hold of his wife.

OP posts:
MsJuniper · 25/05/2021 09:47

I would absolutely want to know straight away if my child was taken to hospital for any reason, under anyone's care. Whether or not I could go and visit.

A broken bone is a serious accident - it may not be immediately life-threatening but it can certainly need an operation and extensive recovery time.

The point is more about the welfare of the child though, and I know my child has always wanted to speak to the other parent on the phone when he has had an accident or incident of any significance. Why deny a child the reassurance they need at that time?

I would propose some basic rules for future accidents or incidents but as others have said there is probably no point in complaining about what has happened, given the relationship and the outcome.

Original poster
Stickaround · 25/05/2021 16:00

Got my DS6 back - he was on an electric scooter (unsupervised), hit a stone, fell off, and hurt his ankle/foot. He's also got grazes all over his face and head from where he bounced off the pavement!

OP posts:
ThatChristinaAguileraSong · 25/05/2021 16:54

@namechangingforthis19586

There are some VERY odd answers here. Of course you should be told if your child is in A and E!

FFS.

What is the world coming to that people are so loathe to speak to their exes that they will normalise this kind of division.

The adults chose to get divorced. That doesn't mean a frightened child, in pain, doesn't have a right to have his mum called (or dad).

The dad was there....
Berthatydfil · 25/05/2021 17:09

In view of the update I would be raging -mainly due to the events that lead up to the A&E attendance
On an electric scout unsupervised resulting in head injuries (no helmet?????) are more concerning than the reported sprain indicated in the OP.
These are very very dangerous
Where was he scootering was it in the street, a road or park?

Berthatydfil · 25/05/2021 17:09

Scooter not scout

Original poster
Stickaround · 25/05/2021 17:36

@Berthatydfil On the road outside their house (it's a cul de sac).

OP posts:
Rejoiningperson · 25/05/2021 17:52

I’d be bringing this up with him OP. I know he’s difficult but some health and safety agreements are crucial. I don’t know the best way, in some ways email is good because you can get all your thoughts down in a reasonable way, and copy in the step mum but this has to be between you and him. I’d write it in as gentle a way as possible, as in ‘It has made me realise that perhaps we should have agreements over DS’s safety. I had a look at Childline, and it is recommended that:

  • he wears a helmet doing any scooter, cycling or similar activity
  • he is always supervised and doesn’t play by himself. We can talk about when he is old enough to be unsupervised?
  • We let each other know as soon as possible when anything happens to DS, so that he can talk to both of us if he wants.

Etc. Ignore him if he tries to make it an argument. Just say your piece and give it time.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 25/05/2021 17:53

I'd be worried that his dad is not looking after him properly. Not telling you the cause of the accident is a bit of a red flag to me - like he's hiding that he wasn't supervising properly or didn't put a helmet on him. I also think there's a child welfare concern when a parent won't allow a child to contact the other parent during 'their' time - children aren't property, they deserve to have their feelings taken into account.
And of course you ought to have been informed that your 6 year old child had was in hospital.
Personally I'd be looking at revising contact.

Wheresthebeach · 25/05/2021 18:18

Grazes over his head?? So no helmet?

If no helmet that is seriously dangerous and changes everything.

PaperbackRider · 25/05/2021 18:23

@LeftyLou

To all the posters saying it doesn't matter the OP wasn't told til after, is it because he was with his dad? If he was being looked after by a friend, a babysitter, at school would your reactions be different then?
Obviously yes. Hmm
namechangingforthis19586 · 25/05/2021 18:24

Was he wearing a helmet.

namechangingforthis19586 · 25/05/2021 18:26

I agree with the poster who said no helmet changes everything...it would be evidence that he is unfit to assess risk IMO. I do hope it's not the case.

Rejoiningperson · 25/05/2021 18:29

Yes it might be worth consulting a solicitor OP at this point, if you can afford a session (I think sometimes you can get a first session free possibly?)

Not to threaten your Ex, but just to describe this incident and see what kind of revised contact options could be deemed reasonable legally?

Original poster
Stickaround · 25/05/2021 18:45

To those who asked - no he doesn't have a helmet apparently.

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 25/05/2021 19:21

What is a 6 year old doing on an electric scooter Confused

Berthatydfil · 25/05/2021 19:32

So electric scooter, on the street with no helmet ?

Don’t want to scare you but near where I live not long ago a slightly younger child riding on a dirt bike was killed outside his house by a car.

randomkey123 · 25/05/2021 19:40

I won't be letting that go.

I think you need to get some legal advice on this, OP.

randomkey123 · 25/05/2021 19:41

wouldn't sorry, stupid phone

LeftyLou · 25/05/2021 20:09

@PaperbackRider, not obvious to me that is why I asked.

namechangingforthis19586 · 26/05/2021 01:13

No helmet?

Electric scooter at six.

On the street.

Unsupervised.

No wonder they weren't keen to tell you.

I would be very concerned about what else is happening. I don't know what the next step should be but my child would not be returning without some formal assessment of the parenting that's going on.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/05/2021 06:47

Wow at update

Electric scooter no helmet and unsupervised playing in a road

Great parenting not !!!

SwanShaped · 26/05/2021 09:26

That’s shit, OP. You must be furious b

Flowerlane · 26/05/2021 09:41

100% you should have been contacted, I would be furious if I found out a day after it had happened. It should work both ways if your son was hurt in your care and needed a visit to a and e then you should contact dad as well.

Hope son is feeling betterCake

Lweji · 26/05/2021 09:48

I agree with others that you should seek legal advice on this.

Although, my DS managed to hit his forehead twice while on a bike and with his helmet on. Hmm

30mph · 26/05/2021 13:34

Surely an accident such as this would have caused a red flag at the hospital for further (welfare) checks? And in some areas electric scooters are illegal, aside from the other neglectful aspects of this.

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