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Original poster

How would you punish a 15 year old who told you to piss off?

638 replies

Sillawithans · 22/05/2021 13:53

Stepson lives with me full time, no mother in the picture. Told all 4 children during the week that I wanted them to help around the house this morning and to not make plans.

He came down ready to go at nine, conversation went back and forth for a few mins, he left. I then messaged him and told him he was grounded when he got home and no pocket money for 2 weeks. He then told me to piss off and to get a grip. When I said you're grounded now he said oh ok, but I'm not.

Not gonna lie, I wanted to fucking throttle him.

I've removed his PlayStation, think I'll go for the phone later too, he will be grounded and no pocket money for at least two weeks.

He's turning 16 in June, I ordered him an IPhone just yesterday that he has wanted for a long time and cancelled it this morning, fuck that, now he can piss off. He didn't know about the phone as it was a surprise.

Little shit.

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 22/05/2021 13:54

Is his father on the scene?

lughnasadh · 22/05/2021 13:54

Jesus, overreaction much?

justanotherneighinparadise · 22/05/2021 13:55

I think that’s really all you can do. You stop the gravy train and wait for his next move.

justanotherneighinparadise · 22/05/2021 13:55

@lughnasadh

Jesus, overreaction much?
You know there will be SO much more to it than this one episode. So no, not an overreaction.
SavingsQuestions · 22/05/2021 13:55

I think you're going in too harsh and the situation is escalating. So you do one thing, he doesnt like it, so you do another.

This isn't an ideal way to work with a 15 year old. I wouldnt think of keep punishing and telling him what to do but ways to wrok together.

And if he's a step why are you keeping punishing? Whats his dad think?

Miasicarisatia · 22/05/2021 13:56

Nice work, he hates you now

Karwomannghia · 22/05/2021 13:56

You need to deescalate not escalate. You’re being vindictive.

Bancha · 22/05/2021 13:56

This is a lot.

RosaBudDrood · 22/05/2021 13:56

@lughnasadh

Jesus, overreaction much?
You must have low standards
Hankunamatata · 22/05/2021 13:56

I feel you op. It's just sheer lack of respect and attitude rather than the actual words.

nimbuscloud · 22/05/2021 13:57

And how long has he been living with you?

Miasicarisatia · 22/05/2021 13:57

It feels as if you were waiting for an opportunity to crush and dominate him?

Sodamncaughtinthemiddle · 22/05/2021 13:58

Major over reaction
Why so many punishments and confiscations.
You need to calm the situation not escalate it.
You are treating him like a child so behave like an adult.

Toilenstripes · 22/05/2021 13:58

Give him his tech, but at an opportune moment embarrass him in front of his friends.

gottakeeponmovin · 22/05/2021 13:58

To be honest I think it's a bit out of order telling a 15 year old they have to stay in at the weekend and do chores. If you want them to do chores fine but can't they do it when they want at the weekend. You are only 15 once

RosaBudDrood · 22/05/2021 13:58

@Miasicarisatia

It feels as if you were waiting for an opportunity to crush and dominate him?
How did you leap to that conclusion?
MatildaTheCat · 22/05/2021 13:59

Sorry but I think you’re overreacting. 15 year olds are stroppy little gits sometimes but this is over the top. Grounded, no pocket money, phone or PS for what I’d class as annoying behaviour.

In answer to your question I’d let it calm down then have a rational discussion and explain how you all have to cooperate etc. Grit your teeth, moan to friends etc. Teen years pass, if your relationship breaks down completely now it’s hard to recover.

Original poster
Sillawithans · 22/05/2021 14:00

Not an over reaction at all, I will not be told to piss off by anyone, let alone a boy of almost 16 that I cook and clean for.

A couple of weeks ago he took the piss with something and just this week refused to get out of bed and go to school as he had a tummy ache. I came home from work at half three and he'd gone to the skate park with his friends and left the front and back doors unlocked.

OP posts:
justanotherneighinparadise · 22/05/2021 14:00

@gottakeeponmovin

To be honest I think it's a bit out of order telling a 15 year old they have to stay in at the weekend and do chores. If you want them to do chores fine but can't they do it when they want at the weekend. You are only 15 once
The OP said to not make plans for that morning not the whole weekend.
Seeline · 22/05/2021 14:00

How old are the other DCs.

It sounds a bit extreme - he's nearly 16. You need to talk with him, not just take stuff away.

What does his Dad say?

Miasicarisatia · 22/05/2021 14:00

@Toilenstripes

Give him his tech, but at an opportune moment embarrass him in front of his friends.
Humiliating teenagers is such a great way to build bridges and get them to want to co-operate with you isn't it 😳
flyingtartar · 22/05/2021 14:00

What does his dad say? And, more importantly, what's his behaviour like generally? When 'the conversation went back and forth, what kinds of things were being said? Was he negotiating helping out later or just being rude? I don't really think you should have texted him a punishment and I also don't think what he has done warrants a cancellation of his birthday present. You seem to have issued about 4-5 punishments which does seem excessive.

thecatfromjapan · 22/05/2021 14:01

De-escalate and talk when you're both calm.

You want your hone to be peaceful and loving, not a war of attrition.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 22/05/2021 14:01

Take a deep breath. Going tat-for-tat over messages won't help anything.

Definitely follow through with what you said (no pocket money, grounded). Don't keep escalating by taking PlayStation etc. He's trying to press your buttons - don't let him. Deal with it as you said you would and move on.

Imissmoominmama · 22/05/2021 14:01

Grounded and no pocket money for two weeks?

Cancelled his birthday present?

Wouldn’t it have been easier to ask when he planned on catching up on the jobs you’d allocated him?

Knee jerk reactions rarely work.

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