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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you punish a 15 year old who told you to piss off?

638 replies

Sillawithans · 22/05/2021 13:53

Stepson lives with me full time, no mother in the picture. Told all 4 children during the week that I wanted them to help around the house this morning and to not make plans.

He came down ready to go at nine, conversation went back and forth for a few mins, he left. I then messaged him and told him he was grounded when he got home and no pocket money for 2 weeks. He then told me to piss off and to get a grip. When I said you're grounded now he said oh ok, but I'm not.

Not gonna lie, I wanted to fucking throttle him.

I've removed his PlayStation, think I'll go for the phone later too, he will be grounded and no pocket money for at least two weeks.

He's turning 16 in June, I ordered him an IPhone just yesterday that he has wanted for a long time and cancelled it this morning, fuck that, now he can piss off. He didn't know about the phone as it was a surprise.

Little shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 13:03

@Astella22 thank you Smile

OP posts:
Traveller3367 · 23/05/2021 13:10

Well done OP for trying to discipline your child. It's not surprising that so many people think you are overreacting. In my line of work I see ALOT of poor parenting with a lack of discipline. It's no wonder kids are become uncontrollable nowadays. Blame the parents - you are meant to be the adults!

Wanttocryatthecost · 23/05/2021 13:10

@Sillawithans

Not an over reaction at all, I will not be told to piss off by anyone, let alone a boy of almost 16 that I cook and clean for.

A couple of weeks ago he took the piss with something and just this week refused to get out of bed and go to school as he had a tummy ache. I came home from work at half three and he'd gone to the skate park with his friends and left the front and back doors unlocked.

I agree your not over reacting at all. You should not be spoken to like that by anyone especially a child, step child or not.

Teenagers are far too pandered to these days. I’d have got a slap across the face, grounded and everything I loved taken away for at least 2 weeks if I’d spoken to my parents like that.

I’d be making sure he knows you have cancelled his phone order. Send him a screen shot if the order confirmation from yesterday and then another screenshot of you cancelling it saying if I can piss off so can your birthday present!

Where’s you DH in all this. I hope he has your back.

SavingsQuestions · 23/05/2021 13:13

Wanttocryatthecost. I am sorry you were treated like that as a child.

I hope we can all agree a slap around the face/everything you loved being taken away is pretty awful way to treat someone.

ChrisWitlessPatrickUnbalanced · 23/05/2021 13:19

@Wanttocryatthecost why don't you rtfs or at least OP's updates?
How vindictive you and a pp must be to want to show the kid screenshots of cancelling his birthday present.

Op has handled it very well without seeming to back down and he'll be getting a nice Birthday too. He's a teen, he was lashing out, he didn't mean it and he's apologised.

(And OP can handle her DS without having to run to his Dad all the time).

ChrisWitlessPatrickUnbalanced · 23/05/2021 13:21

argh rtft (wish there was an edit button)

Wanttocryatthecost · 23/05/2021 13:25

[quote ChrisWitlessPatrickUnbalanced]@Wanttocryatthecost why don't you rtfs or at least OP's updates?
How vindictive you and a pp must be to want to show the kid screenshots of cancelling his birthday present.

Op has handled it very well without seeming to back down and he'll be getting a nice Birthday too. He's a teen, he was lashing out, he didn't mean it and he's apologised.

(And OP can handle her DS without having to run to his Dad all the time).[/quote]
O dear, am I not as perfect as you at reading every detail. And obviously your opinion is the only one that matters 🤔🙄

Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 13:39

@Wanttocryatthecost had I spent to my parents like that, I still wouldn't be able to sit down!
My partner is behind me 100%, he will pull up any of the children if he thinks they are speaking to me like shit. I heard him talking to his son last night telling him he was disappointed he said that me and he never thought he'd say something like that. It was bright and breezy as I'd already been apologised to and we don't really hold grudges in this house. Every day is a clean slate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillawithans · 23/05/2021 13:40

@ChrisWitlessPatrickUnbalanced thank you. I could have handled better yesterday but all is well in the end.

OP posts:
Manzanilla55 · 23/05/2021 14:12

With teenagers certainly 15 onwards it is best to adopt a negotiating stance as it is important to keep seeing their point of view. Whether you agree with them or not. It keeps the dialogue more open. Not following but to go down on them too hard and too often will just cause too much of a rift and stifle them.

SavingsQuestions · 23/05/2021 14:13

Well done Sillawithans. You sound a good team.

ChrisWitless - agree completely. Others coming in wanting to stick a boot in at what harm they want to do to a child is really odd for a parenting site.

Maggiesfarm · 23/05/2021 16:13

I'm glad he apologised, op, and that his dad had a word with him about it. I knew the boy would be sorry afterwards but at his age, being out with friends is of primary importance.

All over now, hope things continue smoothly.

billy1966 · 23/05/2021 16:31

You sound like a wonderful woman and mother OP.

Being on the same page is crucial.

Children recognise division and can use it.

By showing him that you both agree it is not acceptable will go a long way in helping him to mature well.

Flowers
3teens2cats · 23/05/2021 16:52

Punishment cannot be your only strategy. You go crazy and impose as many punishments as you can think of is just nasty and will drive them away. It will not teach them to respect you, fear you maybe, certainly hate you and never be honest with you. You shouldn't try to be their friend but you need a good relationship with them. Do you want a teenager who can come to you with any problem day or night? Or do you want a child who is too scared of your reaction so gets themselves into bigger trouble? You've got to think about the bigger picture with teens.

Elsielouise13 · 23/05/2021 18:10

@Sillawithans

I'll try and answer some of these questions.

He had no plans made already.

He's not doing gcse's, he's in year 8!

We are a very relaxed household, very few rules. Our house rules are to respect each other, help each other, be kind and don't wear shoes on the carpet.

All of the children have their weekend to do with what they want. This is the first time I've asked them to help out as there is dust everywhere. I just wanted to clean up so the dust and dirt is getting tracked all over the house.

15 and in year 8?
speakout · 23/05/2021 18:24

If I had a 15 year old who told me to piss off I would be concerned.

Faultymain5 · 23/05/2021 18:33

@Skyla2005 Why does he have to help around the house Because he lives there. Just like we do stuff to be a part of society, he has a role in his household.

he probably wanted to be with his friends. No-one said he couldn't be with his friends, he just had things to do first at home, which I might add, he agreed to do.

Faultymain5 · 23/05/2021 18:35

@Wanttocryatthecost O dear, am I not as perfect as you at reading every detail. And obviously your opinion is the only one that matters 🤔🙄

You really can't be wrong and strong here.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 23/05/2021 19:01

Op YABU you obviously are not fond of him. Should have seen me at 16, he sounds like a joy compared to me. I turned out ok though just major hormones at that age and it sounds like you wind him up tbh.

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 23/05/2021 19:49

@DeflatedGinDrinker

Op YABU you obviously are not fond of him. Should have seen me at 16, he sounds like a joy compared to me. I turned out ok though just major hormones at that age and it sounds like you wind him up tbh.
Absolute nonsense
Coldwine75 · 23/05/2021 19:51

Massive over reaction, you need to deal with this much more carefully!

Twoforthree · 24/05/2021 14:55

You’ve handled it well in the end.

Pinkylemons · 24/05/2021 15:05

Not an over reaction at all. No wonder kids today are such little twats If parents think that sort of behaviour is ok. My 14 year old is testing the boundaries at the minute so I sympathise. I’d play him At his own game. Cancel the phone, fair enough. Don’t take his stuff though just stop doing things for him. If he wants you to piss off, do just that. Take a step back and let him sort his own stuff out. If he can’t help you, stop helping him.

Scarlettpixie · 24/05/2021 15:20

Cancelling his birthday present is a massive over reaction. Other than that you seem to have sorted things fine.

Lovelanguedoc · 24/05/2021 15:31

Today 15:05Pinkylemons. Not an over reaction at all. No wonder kids today are such little twats If parents think that sort of behaviour is ok.
100% agree. Behaviour like that is not ok, at any age. Far too many parents today act as if they are their child's best friend rather than their parent.