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AIBU?

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Original poster

How would you punish a 15 year old who told you to piss off?

638 replies

Sillawithans · 22/05/2021 13:53

Stepson lives with me full time, no mother in the picture. Told all 4 children during the week that I wanted them to help around the house this morning and to not make plans.

He came down ready to go at nine, conversation went back and forth for a few mins, he left. I then messaged him and told him he was grounded when he got home and no pocket money for 2 weeks. He then told me to piss off and to get a grip. When I said you're grounded now he said oh ok, but I'm not.

Not gonna lie, I wanted to fucking throttle him.

I've removed his PlayStation, think I'll go for the phone later too, he will be grounded and no pocket money for at least two weeks.

He's turning 16 in June, I ordered him an IPhone just yesterday that he has wanted for a long time and cancelled it this morning, fuck that, now he can piss off. He didn't know about the phone as it was a surprise.

Little shit.

OP posts:
hparkins · 22/05/2021 14:35

even in Ireland they are not called year 8 at that stage

thecatfromjapan · 22/05/2021 14:36

@traumatisednoodle

Part of my job is working with child refugees, they go into the year appropriate to their biological age reguardless of how much education they have had or how much english they can speak. This is in Kent, can't believe it would be substantially different elsewhere

It isn't.

KurtWilde · 22/05/2021 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Thesearmsofmine · 22/05/2021 14:36

In the U.K. he wouldn’t have started school with children several years younger than him, he would have been put in the right class for his age so would now be in year 11 if he turns 16 in June.

justasking111 · 22/05/2021 14:36

I had three boys, stayed calm unlike their father, removed x box controls, phones at times for GCSE and A level revision. Was never told to piss off though.

So stay calm and explain themz the rules.

Howshouldibehave · 22/05/2021 14:37

My own children are 13, she's in year 6 in primary, I've a 13 year old daughter in first year, year 7 and my 14 year old son is in year 8.

Why are all of your children in the wrong age group?

BusyEvenForBee · 22/05/2021 14:37

The age does not sound right, now way nearly 16 year old will be in Y8! All the kids who come to the UK from foreign countries get put into class according to their age and school helps to catch up if different education system was involved.

Anyway, you have massively overreacted and to cancel birthday gift is just mean. The issue is totally separate from birthday celebration. All you achieved is rebellion and hatred.

Dishwashersaurous · 22/05/2021 14:37

He must find it so difficult to make friends his own age, and have the whole school day with children so much younger than him. It must be so difficult for him.

For that difference alone, in that every day must have hard, I would cut him enormous slack. And be incredibly happy if he was meeting friends

traumatisednoodle · 22/05/2021 14:37

I see you are in Ireland

Original poster
Sillawithans · 22/05/2021 14:38

@GreyhoundG1rl they are in Ireland.
I have a 13 year old daughter in first year, that's what we call it here. She's 14 in June.
I have a 14 year old boy in second year, he's 15 in July, stepson is also in 2nd year, he's 15, 16 in June.
My youngest is 12 and in year six in primary, she goes to secondary in Aug and will be 13 in September.

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 22/05/2021 14:39

So he arrived in Ireland at the age of 7 with his dad, leaving his mother behind, and within a year was living with you and your 3 children?

Icancelledthecheque · 22/05/2021 14:39

Yeah, also calling bullshit now.

If he lost two years of education he’d be in Y9, because my DD is also 16 next month and is Y11.

There is no way a 16 year old would be in Y8 in the UK. You don’t just get put back three school years Hmm

ChrisWitlessPatrickUnbalanced · 22/05/2021 14:39

These "overreaction" replies must be from teens or the permissive parents of rude teens.

Not at all. I have 3 teen boys and teachers are always saying how nice, kind and polite they are.

Still trying to get around the yr 8 business. Where we live there are a lot of EASL kids and they mainly stay in the same year or maybe a year lower.

gingerandproud4always · 22/05/2021 14:39

@nimbuscloud

So he arrived in Ireland at the age of 7 with his dad, leaving his mother behind, and within a year was living with you and your 3 children?
I think the boy has done remarkably well to only say 'piss off' once. Poor kid.
GreyhoundG1rl · 22/05/2021 14:40

@traumatisednoodle

Part of my job is working with child refugees, they go into the year appropriate to their biological age reguardless of how much education they have had or how much english they can speak. This is in Kent, can't believe it would be substantially different elsewhere
First class in Ireland is typically for 7 year olds, going in at 8 for a non English speaker sounds about right (they can be held back with parental consent). No idea what the "Year 8" malarkey is about, though.
ChrisWitlessPatrickUnbalanced · 22/05/2021 14:40

Why are all of your children in the wrong age group?

😂

Original poster
Sillawithans · 22/05/2021 14:40

@hparkins in Ireland year 8 is called second year. I said year 8 as second year is primary school. We call that second class. Just trying to make it easier to understand so I said year 8.

OP posts:
ChubbyLittleManInACampervan · 22/05/2021 14:40

That’s bloody harsh parenting in my view

Did he just finish GCSEs? He will have had a crap year, like all teens. And keen to see his friends.

I have 2 boys, 16/18 and IMO confrontational parenting (grounding, confiscating phone, etc) just escalated conflict and tension.

Much better to talk to him like an (almost) grown up: if he can’t help clean as he’s going out, allocate him a task to do later . That’s what works best imo, but you need a better relationship to have more reasonable discussions about this

Also, the bio parent needs to get involved

It’s not fair if it all (cleaning, disciplining) falls to you

lazee · 22/05/2021 14:41

Good luck!

lockdownalli · 22/05/2021 14:41

To be honest, most parents only manage not to throttle their teenagers due to residual oxytocin.

I think you need to take a step back and let DH take over main parenting duties of DSS. It does sound like you have issues around the domestic load you have, so that needs to be addressed with DH. At 15 he should be able to clean and tidy for himself.

Have you thought about taking him out for a coffee for a heart to heart?

sadie9 · 22/05/2021 14:41

Here's your problem
" This is the first time I've asked them to help out"
You've decided to make a major change to a routine in the house. Did you get them to agree to help out and arrange exactly what chores they'd be doing?
You are making random demands on them and now you are doleing out random punishments. It won't work. It's all mood driven and there's no consistent plan.
How would you like if your DH last night had stormed into the room you were in and said 'Right! I do everything around here. YOU are cleaning the bathrooms tomorrow or else no Mumsnet ALL DAY!"
This child is your son, he's lived with your since he was 7 for christ's sake.
Are you sure there's not someone else you are really angry with?
You've a lot of anger directed at this kid.

Hellocatshome · 22/05/2021 14:42

Why use the English system of labelling the years? Is it obviously going to cause confusion and completely de-rail your thread.

Faultymain5 · 22/05/2021 14:42

@megletthesecond

I'm going to try cowbells trick.

"Piss off" isn't that bad tbh.

To his peers maybe. To the person who cleans his underwear? I think the f*ck not. So many people with laissez - faire style parenting. Just wow
Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 22/05/2021 14:42

forsucksfake
These "overreaction" replies must be from teens or the permissive parents of rude teens.

If any 16-y-o child in my care swore at me, there would be hell to pay until I got a sincere apology. You're right to cancel the iPhone and to take away the PlayStation and any other privileges until he says sorry and starts chipping in more around the house. You'll be doing yourself, your other kids, and the world a huge favour. Stay firm.

Absolutely agree with this. Shocked at how many parents would be cool with their teen swearing at them. Completely unacceptable regardless of age and he needs to learn that.

Middersweekly · 22/05/2021 14:42

So he’s been put back 3 school years? My DD is the same age, turning 16 in July and Yr 11 (just doing GCSE’s). My other DD is turning 14 and finishing yr 9.
Not sure what country you’re in OP but either way your step DS has been disrespectful and needs to be given a suitable punishment for his actions. Removal of his pocket money will prevent him gallivanting off very far and teach him a lesson. I would also ensure he carried out his chores when he gets home. My DD’s rely on me and DH for lifts most places and they know that they are not going anywhere until their chores are done.
I wouldn’t have cancelled his birthday present though as that’s a stretch too far IMO.