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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick teenager dd’s up?

201 replies

Rave2thegrave · 22/05/2021 09:44

I have two teenager Dd’s, 19 and 16. They have a pretty active social life. Dh and I often give them lifts in the day and up to about 8pm... we will pick them up at 10 the latest, as long as its not all the time.

Awbu? They can get buses/trains/walk/taxis... sleep at friends etc

OP posts:
GADDay · 22/05/2021 09:46

Whatever works for you.

We have a different approach - happy tp provide lifts until 18. Anytime of day or night.

spotcheck · 22/05/2021 09:49

I would encourage public transportation in the day, but definitely give lifts at night.

Tis ok to say that they need to then come home at a certain time.

StripyHorse · 22/05/2021 09:51

In my teens my mum was almost the opposite - during daytime hours I could get the bus, later when it was less safe she would collect me (unless I was staying with friends etc).

thecatwithnoeyes · 22/05/2021 09:54

Too many variables here.

Mine did a combination of lifts/bus/train/walk depending on where they had been, what time of day it was and what they had been doing.

Can you not just work each situation individually?

SleepingStandingUp · 22/05/2021 09:54

In the day of largely expect them to get the bus (assuming the 16 yo has some money to do so and the 19 to is working) or whatever unless you're going that way, weather is awful etc. However I wouldn't want my 16 yo in particular getting trains and taxis back late and in the dark on her own if I could help.

I wouldn't sit up all night waiting for a call, perfectly reasonable to have a curfew for the 16 yo

Wearywithteens · 22/05/2021 09:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 22/05/2021 09:57

I'm not there yet but at the moment I'm thinking I'd rather err on the side as safety and caution and collect whenever.

I'm not regarding myself as a taxi service but as a safe driver collecting my girls and keeping them safe.

Taxi drivers around us are not great, myself and dh had two awful experience when he seemed to veer and pulled out on a round about without looking and then the other one back didn't seem capable of driving, taxi drivers on sm have been reported to drive too fast and mount the kerb whilst sniffing a white powder.

I know exposing young people to real life is essential but I remember when I was younger taxi's at least were safe ish!

Feelinghothothottoday · 22/05/2021 09:58

My dad would pick me and my friends up from clubs. So I always said I would do it for my kids whilst they lived at home. I prefer to know they are safe. It is occasional though.

Atalune · 22/05/2021 09:58

Blanket rule in the house is we will come and fetch you no matter what time if needs be no questions asked. But it’s not to abused.

However we encourage sleepovers, lift shares the rest of time time. No proper public transport to speak of after 5pm here!

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 22/05/2021 09:59
  • the problem with not taking a call in the middle of the night means your cutting them off at perhaps a moment when they are at their most vulnerable, perhaps gone out with friends and ended up somewhere they don't like and want to leave, drink spiked, whatever..
nimbuscloud · 22/05/2021 09:59

We would be happy to collect whenever necessary. Always have been.

Original poster
Rave2thegrave · 22/05/2021 10:04

@Puttingouthefirewithgasoline

* the problem with not taking a call in the middle of the night means your cutting them off at perhaps a moment when they are at their most vulnerable, perhaps gone out with friends and ended up somewhere they don't like and want to leave, drink spiked, whatever..
I have my phone on and would 100% get them in an emergency
OP posts:
Original poster
Rave2thegrave · 22/05/2021 10:05

What time do people collect until?

OP posts:
Singalongasong · 22/05/2021 10:06

It's absolutely fine to have boundaries and stick to them.

I'd rather offer lifts in the evenings, say til midnight, and cut down on daytime lifts. It would encourage them to work evenings too, if you can get them safely home afterwards without them having to worry.

thecatwithnoeyes · 22/05/2021 10:09

@Rave2thegrave

What time do people collect until?

As my previous post, we don't have a time. Each situation is different.

Lotsachocolateplease · 22/05/2021 10:11

Definitely a mix of both. Public transport in the day and lifts in the evening. It’s harder with 2 who are both out at different places and both asking for lifts home.
Do their friends parents collect their kids? Can you arrange them to drop off your dd too? Then you can pay back the favour.

Hankunamatata · 22/05/2021 10:12

Until I could drive at 17 dad did a 10 cut off during the week but had to be prearranged pick up not random call.

FizzyPink · 22/05/2021 10:13

My dad would have picked me up anytime of night if I asked him to. He had a rule that I could go to whichever party I wanted to but he would drop me off and pick me up. This worked great for me and my friends but from his point of view, he always knew where I was and wasn’t laying awake at night worrying about me getting home.

We did live in the countryside though so maybe not quite the same if you live in the middle of town.

Etinox · 22/05/2021 10:21

@Rave2thegrave

What time do people collect until?
Midnight if I’m working the following day. Anytime in an emergency.
Wearywithteens · 22/05/2021 10:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

georgarina · 22/05/2021 10:26

I think it's reasonable, emergencies are one thing but it'd be ridiculous to expect you to be a round the clock taxi service.

With the 16 year old I'd check with her beforehand what her plans are and how she plans to get home/where she plans to stay.

And definitely not for the 19 year old. My parents had no involvement in picking me up or dropping me anywhere at that age!

titchy · 22/05/2021 10:30

Do you not have taxis where you are? The 19yo certainly should be responsible for getting herself an Uber at stupid o'clock. Mine rocked in at 4am last night. Was never gonna pick up at that hour! The 16 yo won't be going to pubs or clubs though so I'd agree a pick up till maybe 11. Midnight occasionally if a party.

Rillington · 22/05/2021 10:32

We always pick ours up. I have heard too many horror stories about girls getting assaulted and mugged.

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 22/05/2021 10:35

I agree with you weary on the time limit, if you do set one you should be 100 content that your dd wouldn't be afraid to call you outside that set time if she needed too.

Many teens are quite scared of upsetting their parents and may not call them if they have been told no calls after x time and many parents do not realise how scared their dc are of them.

Esp ones that have to set lots of rules.

I grew up without a single one. Ever!

😮

SirenSays · 22/05/2021 10:48

I'd happily drop them off or pick them up for as long as they lived with me. I grew up being told Find your own way, I'm not a fxxxing taxi.

Bus drivers and train/tram workers won't risk themselves to protect young women. If I didn't feel safe I'd pull out my phone and pretend to talk to a man. "are you meeting me? With your friends? Got the dogs with you..?