To not pick teenager dd’s up?

[Rave2thegrave]

I have two teenager Dd’s, 19 and 16. They have a pretty active social life. Dh and I often give them lifts in the day and up to about 8pm... we will pick them up at 10 the latest, as long as its not all the time.

Awbu? They can get buses/trains/walk/taxis... sleep at friends etc

I'm curious, do some parents not have any social life so they can play taxi for their young adults at any time of night?

Yes, this can be an issue! Not many of my friends would be able to drop off or pick up after 6om on a Friday or Saturday night 🍻

My parents gave me and my friends lifts home any time of the day or night, no questions asked. It was, in hindsight, a very very good decision. Occasionally I could see them grit their teeth when I requested a forty minute diversion for a friend but they never actually said anything. It made me trust them and know I could rely on them to be there no matter what. I only took the piss asked a few times anyway.

I'm curious, do some parents not have any social life so they can play taxi for their young adults at any time of night?

If a 'social life' refers to going out in the evening, then I guess I don't have one as I never go out. I have only ever once picked my eldest up after midnight from a function though. Each situation is different.

You can have a social life and not drink. I can go to the pub and pick DS up afterwards. It's not every night he goes out anyway. It doesn't cause any problems in this house.

I don't have any fixed rules, we just negotiate each individual situation based on what options are available to the DC, time of day, etc. I have on occasions bundled younger DC into the car in the middle of the night to pick older DC up.

DD1 is currently on her way to pick up a friend who has got herself into an unsafe situation with a man. The friend had an arguement with her parents earlier today so feels that she can't call them. That's really sad and I've told DD1 to bring her here for the night if she can't go home.

I’d rather my kids felt they could call me at any time and I’d go get them. There are a lot of variables here though obviously. If they’re expecting you to be their personal taxi at all hours and your own life is suffering, then I would put some rules in place, but I don’t see the need for an arbitrary time.

Sorry. 100% disagree with you.

I’m happy to taxi my teen / you adults AND their mates any time if night , anywhere , any state no questions asked.

Why am I such a pushover ?

Well they haven’t ever abused it for a start. But I never want them driven home late at night by new drivers , who even if not drunk are not experience night drivers. The stars for deaths in such circumstances are really sad.

Also I don’t want anyone left drunk or off their head in an unsafe situation because they are afraid to call for help so again. I’m colder now questions.

And yeah. No I don’t really have a social life 😂 but it doesn’t bother me - I’ve never been that way inclined

DS has dropped DH and I at the pub before now and/or picked us up. So there’s certain advantages to a bit of give and take!

Surprised how few people pay for taxis rather than stay up all night. I put mine on my Uber account once they were about 17 and if it was after 12:00 they got a cab. When they went to university I took them off the account. Not so much because of the money, but because I didn't want to know where and when they were getting cabs (I thought that was both creepy and infantilising).

@GeorgeTheFirst

Surprised how few people pay for taxis rather than stay up all night. I put mine on my Uber account once they were about 17 and if it was after 12:00 they got a cab. When they went to university I took them off the account. Not so much because of the money, but because I didn't want to know where and when they were getting cabs (I thought that was both creepy and infantilising).

No Ubers in these parts I’m afraid. Taxis have to be prebooked if you can even get hold of one.

@Champagneforeveryone

We give lifts as and when required but where we live there is no public transport. I've always felt that DS didn't ask to live here so we need to facilitate him getting around as much as possible.

They frequently sleepover en masse due to difficulties with transport.

He's learning to drive now and we have done everything we can to assist with that.

That's the case where we live as well.

There are so many "it depends" to be factored in.

All my dc are older now, but I never had a blanket rule.
I'm not an all night taxi service, but there are times when I'd fetch them and times when I'd ask them to think about how they are getting home.

Also, at 19, is there a reason they aren't driving ? Is there a reason none of people she is out with aren't ?
Does the 16 yr old not have other friends with parents who would help out in turn ?
So many variable about where you live, what it is they are out 'for'. What the public transport is like etc etc etc.

No Ubers or many taxis round here either, you can prebook but those taxis aren't keen on picking up potentially drunk and leary teens, the only other option is to wait in the queue at the taxi rank at the station, this can take an hour or more to get to the front. If DH and I have been out in the big city, then we usually end up walking the couple of miles home, taxis here are also extortionate, that couple of miles can cost up to £15 depending on the time of day! Now we also have the option of telling one of the DC not to drink and getting them to pick us up

I think it’s sad if your children don’t feel like they could call you if they got into a pickle. I was the most organised and law abiding teen but ultimately sometimes plans do go wrong.

Just tonight I needed to call my DP due to my Uber app not working and there not being any buses for ages from where I was (along the South circular, in the region where Sarah Everard was taken). I’d be gutted if my teens didn’t feel they could call me in a similar situation for a lift.

My kids are too young at the moment - oldest is 13 - but when they're older I will pick them up any time, as I wouldn't sleep till they got home anyway and I'd know they were ok. But it would be great if they could rotate with other parents doing the same. Strange that some people are only collecting up to a certain time - the later it is the more important you get them, IMO.

Sorry. 100% disagree with you. I’m happy to taxi my teen / you adults AND their mates any time if night , anywhere , any state no questions asked. Why am I such a pushover ? Well they haven’t ever abused it for a start. But I never want them driven home late at night by new drivers , who even if not drunk are not experience night drivers. The stars for deaths in such circumstances are really sad. Also I don’t want anyone left drunk or off their head in an unsafe situation because they are afraid to call for help so again. I’m colder now questions.
Same!

I would have never expected to get a lift home from my dad (mum didn’t drive) when I was a teen. This was pretty normal in my group of friends. I don’t remember anyone getting lifts from parents. It was always taxi’s, usually shared

When we were 18+ and would go into the nearest city it would be bus back from the city to our town and then taxi from town centre to home

Our parents had lives too, even if it was only a glass of wine in front of Saturday night telly. I wouldn’t have wanted them not to have a weekend just waiting about for me to call.

Also I didn’t have a curfew but was always sensible and didn’t take the piss. The only rule was if I was going to be later than expected (midnight pre 18 and 2am post 18) or had decided to stay at a friends then I had to text home. Again, this was pretty standard with my friends and we were all well behaved, sensible teens so were completely trusted and given the chance to grow our independence from early on

It’s possible to “have a life” and “enjoy your weekend” without needing an alcoholic drink.

Our parents had lives too, even if it was only a glass of wine in front of Saturday night telly. I wouldn’t have wanted them not to have a weekend just waiting about for me to call.

Goodness. What an awful way to think of 'a life'

I definitely have 'a weekend', it's just not dictated by alcohol.

2 DCs age 18 and 20. Pick up any time, any place. Would do the same for friends if they needed it; we just like to see everyone get home safe and comfortable. WTAF not?

I grew up in outskirts of a city and knew that I could always call my parents for either a lift or funds for a taxi should an emergency happen/ plans have failed. I never abused it (but in retrospect probably shouldn't have caught the fight buses home on my own as often as I did and instead called the taxi of mum and dad), therefore I vowed in adulthood to make it known to anyone that they don't have to make ill advised choices at daft o clock in order to get home.
It puts me definitely in the camp of public transport there in the day when the overall risk is lower & plans should be thought through and made to get home.
But if asked either because plans failed or ahead of time and scheduled I will pick up anytime.
For example picking up DP from a Christmas night out due to the unexpected lack of any taxi type at 4am, when the alternative was him walking 10 miles home due to lack of public transport through dodgy areas I'd much rather be taxi service, plus the next day thank you take out was much appreciated

I'm more like OP than not like OP.
We talk about DC transport options before they go, I expect them to try to get a lift or plan where they will sleep. The message is "you can figure this out". Legs are good & can walk a long way. If I have to pick up then we agree time ahead of time & it's a time that suits me.

Only emergency has been when 17yo DD was vomiting wildly due to too much tequila: DH was very pissed off she was paralytic not so much about the sudden lift & 35 mile drive round trip.

I haven't asked them to take a taxi 15 miles, I suppose.

Friend locked her young adult DC (having warned them) out of house from midnight to 6am, friend was fed up with being woken up by drunken arrivals. She has no regrets.

If I think back to when I was young lots of need to sleep over due to transport issues led to being pressured into sex and other things. Or drunk friends who were mugged as they had missed the last bus and started walking.
Or children who accepted lifts home from other friends who were really too drunk to drive.
I think they are still quite young - the adult decision making part of their brain won’t be fully developed until they are 25. I am not saying give lifts until then but they are likely to sometimes make bad impulse decisions until then especially if they have been drinking.
My teens are a bit younger but I will be telling them I will be happy to pick them and their friends up anytime before 1am. Which is the rules my mum gave to me.

@thecatwithnoeyes

Our parents had lives too, even if it was only a glass of wine in front of Saturday night telly. I wouldn’t have wanted them not to have a weekend just waiting about for me to call.

Goodness. What an awful way to think of 'a life'

I definitely have 'a weekend', it's just not dictated by alcohol.

You can unclench your hands from your pearls. What I very clearly meant is that parents are adults too and they shouldn’t have to schedule their weekend based around being a taxi service

This was the case for me and every friend I grew up with and knowing younger family members who are late teens now is still the same.