To not pick teenager dd’s up?

[Rave2thegrave]

I have two teenager Dd’s, 19 and 16. They have a pretty active social life. Dh and I often give them lifts in the day and up to about 8pm... we will pick them up at 10 the latest, as long as its not all the time.

Awbu? They can get buses/trains/walk/taxis... sleep at friends etc

I had children knowing full well that I would be a taxi service to them when the time came. I don’t see it as a big deal and if I can give them lifts I will.
I have plenty of evenings when I’m not doing it, it’s not every night by any means.

Absolutely not! My DH and I will pick up our teens at any time of night. Although they do not go out on a weekday night.

I would be so concerned about one of my children coming home late and possibly intoxicated on any public transport...

You can unclench your hands from your pearls.

?

What I very clearly meant is that parents are adults too and they shouldn’t have to schedule their weekend based around being a taxi service

What you 'clearly' meant really wasn't clear to me. Hence my post.

Although the picking up was massively inconvenient because we live in a rural area and my DD’s social life took her far and wide, I would always pick her up. However I said that it would be midnight at the latest. So if she wanted to stay later they would arrange a sleep over in advance. This was good as it encouraged her to plan ahead and consider other people.

@thecatwithnoeyes

You can unclench your hands from your pearls.

?

What I very clearly meant is that parents are adults too and they shouldn’t have to schedule their weekend based around being a taxi service

What you 'clearly' meant really wasn't clear to me. Hence my post.

Agreed

We live in the boonies so have always been happy to pick up anytime of the day or night.

They often stay over at friends if they can.

If we had public transport then maybe different. They've never taken the piss so all good and now both can drive they often have to return the favour.

@whattodo2019

Absolutely not! My DH and I will pick up our teens at any time of night. Although they do not go out on a weekday night.

I would be so concerned about one of my children coming home late and possibly intoxicated on any public transport...

My concern too. DS goes to college in a nearby (15 miles away) city, if we don't pick him up he has to either stay over or get a train. I really don't want him being at a train station if he's had any alcohol.

Normally he arranges to stay at a mates, but if not, within reason, I don't mind going to get him up until midnight.

Obviously if he's really desperate id go at any time.

@Rave2thegrave

What time do people collect until?

4am is the record so far. Just set an alarm and went to bed. New it would be roughly then.

I wouldn’t tbh unless it’s a one off or they are some where far. At 19 you would think that’s old enough to get to A to Z and even at 16 you would be nearly at the same stage too.

I live walking distance to the town centre so my dd & her friends would always just stay here. My son cycles. But both know they can call anytime & if I can’t actually drive them I will figure it out with them.
If we lived further away, I would pick up as needed - totally agree with champagne who said the children didn’t choose to live where they do.

Absolutely no time or distance is out of the realms of possibility in our house but they generally get lifts at night from friends and non-drinking times they drive themselves. 16 year old is never out late and prefers to get the bus with his friends but I’ll happily pick him up or drop him off and I’ll pop him to school if he fancies an occasional lie in or linger over his breakfast. The drivers have occasionally picked me and my husband up from the pub in the past. My parents never ever gave lifts to me or my siblings and our only choice was to walk. My kids don’t abuse the privilege and know they can always ask. I’ve driven my daughter and friends 40 miles for a day out in the past.

3am has been the latest for us. Not for a while though.

Due to not being able to ask parents for lifts, I have either experienced or had friends experience:
Being mugged and having to walk home with broken arm
Being sexually assaulted by taxi drivers
Agreeing to sex with male acquaintances/ one night stands in order to have somewhere to sleep
Sleeping outdoors
Accepting lifts from intoxicated friends

And many other risky situations.

Their parents had no idea and assumed they’d stayed at friends’ etc.
Our attitude was, we’re going to get a bollocking if we ring, we may as well risk it to keep the peace because it just wasn’t worth the earache.

At 19 you would think that’s old enough to get to A to Z and even at 16 you would be nearly at the same stage too.

Perhaps you should RTFT.
Not all of us live somewhere with plentiful public transport/taxi services as has been very clealy illustrated many times on this thread.

My parents were pretty bad at lifts and some of the situations I got into to get home terrify me now as a parent. Think thumbing a lift, walking or sitting at bus stops in the early hours waiting for first bus 🤷‍♀️
Usually relied on friends parents to give me a lift or stay at their houses.

I think decide on each situation depending on who they are with, where they are going.
If you don’t want to collect them, give them money to order a cab or pre-book.

No, don't leave dds flapping around the world in the dark. Pick them up. Every time they haven't got a safe alternative.

It might never happen, they might never be assaulted. But would you want to have been sitting at home watching television, or tucked up safely in your bed, while your dd accepted an unsafe lift from a stranger because there was no more public transport that night and the taxi said it would be a two-hour wait?

At 19 you would think that’s old enough to get to A to Z and even at 16 you would be nearly at the same stage too.

I never fully understand what is meant by 'at 19 they are old enough' - nobody is saying they are not old enough. This comes through a lot in mumsent about a whole manner of things 'they are old enough to do'. I often wonder where people pick up the help to others again when they drop all assistance to their teenagers, because in normal adult friendships/relationships we do things to help others .

DD19 drives, has travelled the uk alone since she was 16; is more than able to get herself home of a night, unless of course she is at a party where she is drinking so could not drive - not unlike most adults, who often get lifts from people.

I like to have a drink at the weekend. I know this makes me a raging alcoholic, according to mumsnet, but it's my only vice after working my arse off all week.

If my dc take after dh and I, they'll be out all the time in their teens. Does that mean we have to forego our weekends to act as taxis? Very much hoping for a better social life in the post baby sitting years.

Same here, we will pick them up from anywhere, at anytime. They just need to call. I think sometimes girls need to know that they can call you and won't be judged and that they have a way out of a situation that is making them feel uncomfortable.

For their own good, make them get PT or walk in the daytime. It’s a good habIt to get into.

@Slipperfairy

I like to have a drink at the weekend. I know this makes me a raging alcoholic, according to mumsnet, but it's my only vice after working my arse off all week.

If my dc take after dh and I, they'll be out all the time in their teens. Does that mean we have to forego our weekends to act as taxis? Very much hoping for a better social life in the post baby sitting years.

No it doesn’t mean you have to ‘forego’ your weekend. It just means that very occasionally at the weekend you might have to not have a drink and go and pick your teenager up. In my experience it’s interspersed with DC having friends round to our house for a drink, or going to his friends houses (walking distance) Lots of variables like public transport options (or lack of).

I drive DD a mile to the train station the other morning. She could have walked. She could have driven herself and parked. I chose to take her because I am a kind and helpful sort. The other day she collected me, during the day when I could have used public transport, after I dropped my car at the garage 15 miles away. She did this because of the example I have set her.

I’m sure OP is kind and helpful too

Walking as much as possible is a great habit to get into.

Of course lifts are a nice thing to do from time to time, but letting teens get PT / walk in daytime is in their own interests.

DS drove me to my appointment to have my eyebrows/eyelashes done the other week. Parking isn’t always great, but he found somewhere to park and waited in the car for me. Give and take and all that.

Im sure OP is kind and helpful too

Yeah. I didn't say OP wasn't. Cheers for that though.