To not pick teenager dd’s up?

[Rave2thegrave]

I have two teenager Dd’s, 19 and 16. They have a pretty active social life. Dh and I often give them lifts in the day and up to about 8pm... we will pick them up at 10 the latest, as long as its not all the time.

Awbu? They can get buses/trains/walk/taxis... sleep at friends etc

@gurglebelly

I'm curious, do some parents not have any social life so they can play taxi for their young adults at any time of night?

Ha ha!

What’s a social life?

My girls are now mid 20’s and we will still pick up if they ask, they don’t even live at home 😀
When they were at home we would always pick up at night if they asked, I was not comfortable with public transport or taxis. We even did the 3 am pick up from night clubs. Actually when I look back it was great, we really got to know all of their friends and it was another way of remaining close to them.

Both mine generally make their own way home if they are in a group but alone I'd prefer to get them. I'm not often out later than them these days.

Most crime in our medium sized town is committed by teenage boys on teenage boys, last year one resulting in a murder. I don't baby them but I'm happy to be available to them if they need a lift.

Both of them also take their turn as taxi for their friends. If one of them isn't going out but are around they will go and pick up their friends from clubs. Not just my two, they all do it for each other.

Wow this is interesting. I am in my 30s and would nearly always get the night bus or taxi home if out late or just stay over at a friend's house. Parents would of course had helped me if I had been in any kind of trouble.

I did live in London in my late teens early 20s so I guess if you live rurally it is a bit different

I think one of the best things my parents did was letting me know that I could call to be picked up if it was really needed. Limited public transport so parents were far happier to be the taxi driver than for us to get in a car with a 17 year old new driver.

@Rave2thegrave

What time do people collect until?

I've never had a time limit. I can't imagine letting my DC ( girl or boy, any age ) find their way home in the dark because I've put a time limit on lifts. I'll pick them up 24/7 without any problems. Why would you put a limit on your daughter's safety ?

@thecatwithnoeyes it just wouldn't have occurred to me to ask my parents to pick me up or drop me off at that age. It would have seemed very odd! I'm not just saying it 'because it's what my parents did'.

I put a time limit because I dint function well/am not safe to drive if I dint get enough sleep.

Dd moved away aged 16 to live in another city in order to attend a specialist college. She just accepted that taxi fares had to be budgeted for if she was going to be out late.

Ds knows his dad is ill & we also have vulnerable/dementia patient elderly family members to care for so he has to negotiate reasonable pick up times even if it means leaving a party early or spending his allowance on a taxi.

Both my kids keep an emergency £20 note hidden in their phones.

We give lifts as and when required but where we live there is no public transport. I've always felt that DS didn't ask to live here so we need to facilitate him getting around as much as possible.

They frequently sleepover en masse due to difficulties with transport.

He's learning to drive now and we have done everything we can to assist with that.

My parents told my sister and i we will collect you any time no questions asked and as a result we never abused this. Tbh its safer to be collected rather than use public transport

So at 16 plus, our house rules were school/college time, back in doors for 10.30. Weekends we would provide lifts back and forward, and were happy to do so up until midnight. If they were out later than this then we did ask how they were getting home, or where they were planning to stay and check they were safe. I note that we found out later that where we did provide money for taxis, my youngest son had on occasion got the night bus which does not come all the way and walked the last couple of miles... which is scary. The cash being spent on a kebab!

[quote georgarina]@thecatwithnoeyes it just wouldn't have occurred to me to ask my parents to pick me up or drop me off at that age. It would have seemed very odd! I'm not just saying it 'because it's what my parents did'.[/quote]

Why would it be odd?

To answer your question in the week I would say 10pm would be the latest and the at the weekend it would be event dependant.

At their ages, they could both have driving lessons and get their licenses. Then you could let them borrow your car, or invest in an old banger for the two of them to share.

I’ve also never had a time limit , I would pick up from wherever at whatever time , which is exactly what my parents did with myself and my sisters . No way would I want mine potentially getting in a taxi alone at 2am .

@Rave2thegrave

What time do people collect until?

I find a time limit really odd.

I always knew I could ring my mum for a lift, no matter what time of day or night.

I give my two lifts whenever they want. They both drive now but if they are going out for a drink I'll happily drop them off and pick them up. My parents did the same for me.

There is no public transport to speak of where I live and taxis are very expensive/not always reliable. So I am happy to pick my children up whenever or wherever they need me to. One can drive, but if he is going to the pub then I drop him off and pick him up at closing time.

My parents did not do any of this for me and thought it was fair and reasonable for me to travel across the country (and between countries) on my own from the age of 12. I tend not to use what my parents did for/to me as a guide!

Mine aren't of this age yet. But my husband and I have already agreed a policy of "while you are under our roof, we'll pick you up any time, anywhere, no questions asked, just call us." But making sure they understand that it's a "not to be abused policy".

If it's just like... a lift to a friends house. The 19 year old certainly should be doing that off their own steam. And probably the 16 year old as well, depending on your location.

Interesting to see different viewpoints on here

I always picked DS up and his friends at anytime but especially at night or when it's dark. I couldnt relax either. I would still do it now.

My DF was still picking me up in an emergency when I was a mother!

My oldest is 13 so this hasn't really come up yet but I expect I'll continue with the basic approach I've always had, which is:
(a) in an emergency, no matter where you are, no matter what you have done, no matter who you are with, you can always call me and I will always come.
(b) in day-to-day life, respect is a two-way street and I will be more inclined to provide you with a chauffeur service if you give me notice, consider my schedule as well as yours and are on time.
We live rurally with no bus service after 6pm, so realistically, for her to go anywhere I have to take her.

We're 40 and my friends dad still will always pick us up after a girls night out snd make sure we all get home.

I myself have 4 daughter (3 are teens) and I will always continue to collect them especially at night if it meant they had to make any part of the journey alone.

I collect my oldest from work every evening at 8.30, she buses there but coming home it would mean waiting on the side of a dark county lane for 30 minutes as buses aren't regular

We would pick them up at any time. Public transport isn't great here, and I'd rather they didn't take risks because they daren't call us.

They were always appreciative and never took advantage. So basically the opposite of you, OP. In the daytime/evening, they sorted themselves out. Late at night, they could rely on being able to call us if they needed to.