People are nicer to me now I'm a size 12....

[NoFashion]

Has anyone noticed the same?

I've been obese for at least 10 years. So school mums etc only ever knew me as a fat person. (Size 20+)

I'm now a size 12. So not slim, but normal looking and can shop in regular shops and buy nice clothes.

People are suddenly much chattier to me. Shop assistants (I've always been chatty, it's in my American genes, we chat to folk) will chat more frequently, with less of a "you're strange" vibe.

Any similar experiences? Or am I imagining it?

I don't think I gave off "leave me alone" signals when fat. But I deep down wonder if people suddenly see I'm a person too. It's hard to explain. But it's kind of crappy.

I also wonder if it's a UK thing. Don't think I ever noticed it back "home" (not that I've been there for ages now. Stupid Covid.)

I’m staying over weight then, I definitely don’t want any more attention. Invisible suits me down to the ground.

Well I am not doubting anyone but I am 5'0 and when I got down to size 12-14 I was 120lb and a BMI 23 in the healthy weight zone. Not saying I had a perfect figure by any means, but at the same time I did look on the slim side rather than plump. Maybe it's affected by having lost quite a lot of weight though and having loose skin etc. My 16 yo dd is 5'2 and about 110lb and she is a size 6-8

Not reaally the subject of the thread but it really is about different builds.

My friend and I are the same height, 5'7". She's built on a very narrow scale and by size 10 looks quite chubby. A size 8 looks normal slim on her. I'm broad shouldered and long legged. At size 12 I look slim and if I go down to a size 10 people start questioning my health. I look gaunt.

I'm afraid I'd be telling them to do one. You're still the same person.

Yep definitely a thing, I've yo-yoyed my entire life weight wise and been looked at like absolute sh*t and regularly ignored if I dared to say hello when I started a new job in a communal office by the young slimmer crowd.
Shame I work from home and probably will never see them again as I've now lost 3 stone and might be acceptable to acknowledge, sod 'em!

@GlutenFreeGingerCake

Well I am not doubting anyone but I am 5'0 and when I got down to size 12-14 I was 120lb and a BMI 23 in the healthy weight zone. Not saying I had a perfect figure by any means, but at the same time I did look on the slim side rather than plump. Maybe it's affected by having lost quite a lot of weight though and having loose skin etc. My 16 yo dd is 5'2 and about 110lb and she is a size 6-8

Sorry but it is a total fantasy to think that you looked slim at a size 14 and 5 foot nothing.

I'm 5 foot 8 and would feel and look very far from slim if I were a size 12/14.

If she was BMI 23 she would be slim and healthy. So many people with fucked up body image on here.

I found this when I came down from 20 to 12 two years ago. I understand it a bit because when I look at overweight people I see someone who is self harming and it's an uncomfortable feeling. I feel deep compassion for anyone struggling with their weight but it's such a taboo subject.

I'm size 12 BMI 22. I'm definitely slim.

@joystir59

I'm size 12 BMI 22. I'm definitely slim.

How tall are you?

@HarebrightCedarmoon

I'm now a size 12. So not slim, but normal looking and can shop in regular shops and buy nice clothes

Size 12 not slim? Thanks for that, I've been trying for years to be a size 12, I finally am and certainly feel slim.

But surely it's all relative to height and build? I don't think that poster was insulting all size 12s just because she perceives herself as "not slim" at that weight

I'm very unattractive facially so unfortunately my weight makes no difference to the way I'm treated. As an adult my weight has fluctuated between 8st and 15st (I'm 5'4) - no discernible difference in the way I'm perceived, but I feel healthier when I am not overweight.

Given that this whole thing comes down to looks, and being overweight is stigmatised, I can well believe that women who are pretty (or even reasonably attractive) find their weight does make a difference.

However, there is a level of ugliness which I'm well past where unfortunately it's the dominant thing about you. Even at my fattest I was never abused by strangers with reference to my weight - it was always being 'ugly'.

Thankfully middle-age has done much to reduce my visibility to these arseholes. I am now a relieved part of the grey mass of older women who they see (or rather don't notice) as 'past it'.

Yes absolutely a thing. I lost a fair bit of weight a few years ago and people treated me a lot better - which was a shock to me as I hadn’t realised I was being treated differently.
I think it’s a status thing if people perceive you as ‘low’ status for whatever rubbish reason - often just their own biases it alters how they interact with you. It means I really try not to judge people simply by appearance and don’t make snap judgements about others without getting to know them.

@joystir59

I'm size 12 BMI 22. I'm definitely slim.

Great for you.

I've already stated I'm a size 12 and my BMI is well over 25.

People are different.

Clearly you're a lot taller than me.

People are very different when you aren’t the fat one anymore. I lost over 8 stone a couple of years ago. I still have a bit to go as I’m short, but the difference is quite staggering.

Generally people are more polite. People take my opinions, especially professionally, more seriously. They’re more respectful.

Men are more respectful. There’s definitely a feeling that fat women should be grateful for their attention.

The positives are counter-weighted by the people who are very pissed off that I’m no longer the fat mate. One person has actually stopped talking to me as apparently I’m “full of myself” now and her only example of that is that when two guys at our table on a night out made some overtly racist comments I pulled them up on it. She’s adamant I wouldn’t have before. I would have, it’s just that she wouldn’t have noticed.

The positives are counter-weighted by the people who are very pissed off that I’m no longer the fat mate.

I've heard of this before. People losing a significant amount of weight. Then their friends stop returning their calls. Leaving the person who lost weight bewildered because they are still the same person and still feel the same about the friends that are pretty much giving them the cold shoulder now.

What's that about ? The person who lost weight has unwittingly shifted the dynamic of the friendship. Leaving former friends feeling lost ? Did it turn out the friendship was conditional on them being overweight ? Should they have sought permission from friends before losing the weight i.e. the problem is that permission was not sought ? Is there an element of envy that they've fulfilled a long held goal ? Do the friends see them as competition some how from now on ? Is there an implied criticism on the friends by way of the weight losing friend making improvements to themselves ?

The former friends will never admit to anything but as @JustLyra remarked friends are pissed off that you are no long the fat mate. Like I said, you might not have realised just how much your friendship was conditional (to them) on you being overweight.

I've heard before about overweight people saying they were, 'invisible' before they lost weight. Finding it funny that how can they be that big and apparently not be seen ?

I worked with someone who was significantly overweight. Then they lost a lot of weight. Something like ten stones in ten months. Good on them. I'm overweight myself.

I asked them on the quiet if people had changed towards them since they lost weight. They said they felt more visible now, and named a specific person who previously blanked them (not difficult, work place snob) was now friendly towards them.

So, as I've said before, unfortunately, some people still have a Victorian freak show mentality i.e. fat lady at the circus towards overweight people. Pretty much, 'now you've lost weight and stopped looked so monstrous and publicly displaying your out of control eating, I will talk to you. You know, now you're one of us. Those of us who stay in control. Who know what enough is. Anyway, I'm going outside for a cigarette.

Yep, those type of people.

What I found at my heaviest (slightly into the obese range, about a size 18, and I'm fairly tall) was that when out in public people either barged into me rudely in the street as they perceived me to be "in the way", or perhaps invisible (someone nearly took my shoulder off in central London at one point) Or on the other hand they said "excuse me" in shops in a way that they expected me to move for them, when there was in fact plenty of room to pass by (and this was well pre Covid, so not a distancing thing). This doesn't seem to happen now, though I am not in shops as much as the moment. Perhaps there is a little more room around me, but it's only a few inches really and doesn't make a lot of difference in the wide aisle of a shop!

@ToffeeNotCoffee @JustLyra

Oh yeah I get that side too.

Not from friends thankfully as I don't have many and the ones I do have are lovely and love me whatever.

But my aunt and cousins. We're a close family.

But my aunt and my cousins are all overweight. As is most of the family. Hence why I was really. Just the way we are.

And the last few times we've had family things they won't at all mention my weight loss (which they must notice as even strangers do) and hardly talk to me. Just superficial chit chat.

Group WhatsApp has gone quite quiet unless I start something.

Can't put it down to much else. And I don't mention my weight or clothes or anything as don't want to seem smug.

It's 100000000% a thing. I was always slim and athletic. After an injury stopped me training for a season I gained around 20kg - people were suddenly just horrible all the time. When I lost the weight, people were lovely again. It's awful.

I’ve found the opposite tbh. I was a size 20 at my heaviest and BMI was about 38 so higher end of obesity. I lost 7 stone in a year just through strict diet and lots of exercise so ended up a size 10 with BMI of 22. I found that women in particular didn’t really want to talk to me as much after I lost weight. I’m fat again now after having 2 DC in 2 years although not quite as fat, size 16 now and women are fine with me again...

@Acupofcamus

I’ve found the opposite tbh. I was a size 20 at my heaviest and BMI was about 38 so higher end of obesity. I lost 7 stone in a year just through strict diet and lots of exercise so ended up a size 10 with BMI of 22. I found that women in particular didn’t really want to talk to me as much after I lost weight. I’m fat again now after having 2 DC in 2 years although not quite as fat, size 16 now and women are fine with me again...

Do you have a very pretty face? Sounds like they saw you as competition or maybe thought a 'perfect' woman would be a bit arrogant or something. Very attractive people can be disliked as well.

@HarebrightCedarmoon

If she was BMI 23 she would be slim and healthy. So many people with fucked up body image on here.

A BMI of 23 is around the middle of the healthy weight range so that would make her medium. I think some people use slim to mean medium hence the misunderstandings.

@Alternista

Now I sound like I’m some sort of supermodel leaving an ocean of men panting in my wake! I’m really not 😂

I'm a 10-12 and men don't look at me, so you're probably quite attractive.

I've recently lost just over 3 stone and gotten down to a comfortable size 12, I feel skinny as fuck 🤣 I'm 11st 2 and 5"6 so at the very VERY top end of bmi for my height.
In fact im pissed off because I bought some Jean's from next in a 12 and thought they'd be really snug to show off my new shape, they're baggy!! Wish I'd come to MN first rather than AFTER buying them so I'd have known about "vanity sizing". All my size 14s no longer fit. Sounds like a good problem to have but its not when you cant afford a whole new wardrobe in one go..

But yes, to answer the question. ITS DEFINITELY A THING!!

Womens were nicer to me when I was bigger yet men looked through me, now the opposite is true in that women will look though me/avoid eye contact yet men are all smiles.