People are nicer to me now I'm a size 12....

[NoFashion]

Has anyone noticed the same?

I've been obese for at least 10 years. So school mums etc only ever knew me as a fat person. (Size 20+)

I'm now a size 12. So not slim, but normal looking and can shop in regular shops and buy nice clothes.

People are suddenly much chattier to me. Shop assistants (I've always been chatty, it's in my American genes, we chat to folk) will chat more frequently, with less of a "you're strange" vibe.

Any similar experiences? Or am I imagining it?

I don't think I gave off "leave me alone" signals when fat. But I deep down wonder if people suddenly see I'm a person too. It's hard to explain. But it's kind of crappy.

I also wonder if it's a UK thing. Don't think I ever noticed it back "home" (not that I've been there for ages now. Stupid Covid.)

@TheoMeo

I would suspect it's to do with your confidence. If someone is uncomfortable due to feeling fat or spotty or whatever they aren't so open, probably don't make eye contact so much. You are feeling happier about yourself - so are being more outgoing without you realising it.

I find the people who say this have stayed pretty much the same size their whole life, I've been fat and happy and confident and thin and miserable with my self esteem in the toilet. Guess when people were nicer to me? It wasn't when I was fat and happy and friendly.

Personally I'd be more confident thinner as my clothes would look nicer

I’ve been a perpetual yo yo dieter and have varied between 12 and 20 at different points in my adult life. It’s not just you, OP, this is a real thing, no matter how much people will try to tell you it’s just about your own self confidence.

Yes, it’s absolutely a ‘thing’. I was very slim (size 8) until after children and was a 16 at my biggest. Lost 4.5 stone in the past year so a 10 now and people definitely treat me differently. It’s like I’ve suddenly become visible again. It’s mostly been most noticeable around other women actually, which I didn’t expect. I’ve had school mums who have literally never acknowledged my existence for the past 6 years cross the playground to speak to me. I did wonder if they didn’t recognise me and thought I was a new parent (I lost weight during lockdown), but from their conversation it doesn’t seem to be the case. All very strange.

Magenta82 168cm is 5 ft 6, which is slightly above the UK women's average height of 5 ft 4 - so you're not short objectively. 168cm and 68kg is a BMI of 24, which is a healthy weight - where did you get 27 from? at 168cm tall 77kg is a BMI of 27.

You're neither short nor overweight unless the numbers you stated are typos.

Yes there’s absolutely no doubt about this. It’s 100% a real thing

I have been size 10 or 18 at varying times in my life and have definitely noticed myself being treated differently - but mostly when it comes to intelligence. People seem to think the process of gaining lbs means you shed brain cells along the way . When I am slimmer people definitely value my intelligence and when I am fatter people treat me like I'm an idiot. I assume it's something to do with applying healthy lifestyle choices - if I'm fat I'm clearly not smart enough to know that I should eat less and move more. Obviously this is bullshit but I can't think of any other reason.

I remember one occasion when I was bigger, a new acquaintance was very surprised to find out I had travelled the world and had an interesting and successful career. I most certainly do not get that reaction when I'm slim.

Definitely a thing, I vary between a 14 and a 20 and people treat me differently, especially when I edge past the 16/18 point. Honestly I quite enjoy being invisible, but it is weird to experience the difference and realise why it's happening.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

Magenta82 168cm is 5 ft 6, which is slightly above the UK women's average height of 5 ft 4 - so you're not short objectively. 168cm and 68kg is a BMI of 24, which is a healthy weight - where did you get 27 from? at 168cm tall 77kg is a BMI of 27.

You're neither short nor overweight unless the numbers you stated are typos.

Yeah it is a typo, I'm 158cm, just over 5'1"

OP, you just carry on being you and make a mental note of the awful people. It says more about them.

I have a very deviated septum and acne. Despite being just over 6st, (I am not doing so well the ED.) with a nice haircut and nice clothes 'people' at large are generally awful. My own DD went through a phase of telling me I am ugly. Nipped that in the bud with a strong, no one can fix it so deal with it, but I was devastated.

Doors are dropped in my face on purpose. However, when I am with my alt punk crowd, it is a different story and I don't lift a finger. They're sweeties and tried to open doors for me and everything, but I didn't know how to manage. One commented, "Why do you either get to the door first or hang back when I try to open the bloody thing for you?" Same with pushchairs up steps. I was very used to no help I was amazed when they asked me why I was getting DD out and folding the buggy to carry both up myself. Not that I need help! It's an observation that other people get a lot of nice things done for them if they fit a social ideal.

I've noticed that wearing a mask has greatly improved my shopping experiences.

It's not about confidence, there are many examples of things where people don't know you at all and treat you differently. Now I'm slimmer people

1. let me cross at zebra crossings more often
2. let me out at junctions more often
3. hold doors open for me more
4. listen to me more, just in general, coffee orders, meetings, stopping to talk to me in the kitchen at work. People compliment you not just your face and your hair 'that dress looks lovely on you' etc rather than 'nice top' etc.

Also with the 'you've lost weight' thin people don't really want to hear the answer. I tell them that I just don't eat anything for eight hours a day and then they tell me that's unhealthy. Same as when I was over overweight and they told me that was unhealthy too. What they want is for me to have been born with their amazing metabolism so that I stay exactly the same weight as them (preferably a little bit bigger than them.)

Maybe I don't get any difference because I am always automatically treated as being bit stupid at first by many because I have strong Ce/EE accent whether I was 12 or 22😂

That was supposed to be 🙄 not laughing

I had the opposite experience - I've always been tall and thin my whole life and recently put on enough weight, thanks to lockdown, to be classed as overweight and almost obese!
I found that people, especially women have been much, much nicer to me.
I've also found that people accept favours, kindness and ask advice from me more - before, people just wouldn't want my food or ask my opinion. Especially if I was well dressed ( I have to dress well for work)

It would be interesting to see why there's been such a difference in experience

I went to a very dressy dinner a few years ago in central London- black tie, ex university stuff. I went on my own, walked in, did the cloakroom small talk with the other women, checked the seating plan and then stood on my own in the corner whilst I looked to see if anyone I knew was there. A man came up and stood next to me and after a few minutes I smiled and said something to break the ice (bear in mind we were all at the same college 25 plus years ago). He looked stunned at the fact that I spoke to him. Looking at his clothes there was clearly a wealth gap between us but this was sheer disdain. It’s wrong to assume too much but I got the distinct impression he thought ‘what are the catering staff doing talking to me’.

I also attended a white tie event in the city years ago. I had to come from work and travel from the other side of London via train. There was no way I could do this dressed up so put some jeans and flats on. Turned up at the venue desperately trying to find a back entrance (!). There was security in place and I tried to explain who I was, showing them my invitation. They were not impressed.

These examples are about clothes but on both occasions I had put on weight and sensed that was a bigger part of it. Overall, the image they saw was not what they expected at that event.

Once I put on the pearls, things did change🤣

I’m the opposite - gone up
3 dress sizes in the last 5 years and have noticed people being less friendly towards me or dismissing me in ways I could imagine. People who don’t know me very well obvs.
I’m genuinely surprised. Of course I always knew that good looking people, etc probably have it easier in life but to actually be ignored because I’m bigger has come as a complete surprise.
Trying not to let it make me self conscious as I am generally chatty and outgoing anyway.

What they want is for me to have been born with their amazing metabolism so that I stay exactly the same weight as them

come on, that's bollocks.

I’ve lost 3.5 stone and men look at me in the street again now, which you might think was nice but I have found it unsettling and almost predatory tbh.

I have always been a bit sceptical about the “invisibility fat shield” thing but I can see now it’s a thing. I don’t want to be fat again but I don’t like this aspect.

@tattleandbagels it is not bollocks. Have had the same thing said to me. If I tell them how little I eat to stay a healthy bmi I get told it's unhealthy. If I eat the same amount they do and gain weight, it's unhealthy. Can't win.

You are not imagining things. I have lost over 7st. I was a size 20-22 at my heaviest, I am now a size 8. People are treating me differently.

What makes me the angriest is that DH, who treated me like shit for years, has now stopped stonewalling me for months at a time, among other things. I think it is because I was worthless in his eyes when I was fat, but he believes that now I am slim I am desirable for other men and I could leave him.

@FluffyBlueJumper and I hope you are going to, leave him?

If I was you @FluffyBlueJumper I’d have a wild affair or two to really hurt him, and then leave.
Revenge is so sweet.

@FluffyBlueJumper

You are not imagining things. I have lost over 7st. I was a size 20-22 at my heaviest, I am now a size 8. People are treating me differently.

What makes me the angriest is that DH, who treated me like shit for years, has now stopped stonewalling me for months at a time, among other things. I think it is because I was worthless in his eyes when I was fat, but he believes that now I am slim I am desirable for other men and I could leave him.

Amazing achievement to lose 7 stone, wow! And I echo others, hope it's made you consider his actions.

@Curatingchaos

If I was you *@FluffyBlueJumper* I’d have a wild affair or two to really hurt him, and then leave. Revenge is so sweet.

Nah. I wouldn't lower myself to a cheater tbh. Go out with pride! That is the best revenge