People are nicer to me now I'm a size 12....

[NoFashion]

Has anyone noticed the same?

I've been obese for at least 10 years. So school mums etc only ever knew me as a fat person. (Size 20+)

I'm now a size 12. So not slim, but normal looking and can shop in regular shops and buy nice clothes.

People are suddenly much chattier to me. Shop assistants (I've always been chatty, it's in my American genes, we chat to folk) will chat more frequently, with less of a "you're strange" vibe.

Any similar experiences? Or am I imagining it?

I don't think I gave off "leave me alone" signals when fat. But I deep down wonder if people suddenly see I'm a person too. It's hard to explain. But it's kind of crappy.

I also wonder if it's a UK thing. Don't think I ever noticed it back "home" (not that I've been there for ages now. Stupid Covid.)

Yes definitely mostly men, when I was obese I was invisible, men ignored me, as soon as I started losing weight it was immediately noticeable, I would have men offering to help with my bags, men offering to help with my pram, I suddenly become visible again. Whereas before men didn’t even look at me let alone offer any help.

I can imagine this is true. It certainly is with more attractive people. I have a friend who is very attractive and people always talk to her and want to be her friend.

I'm in a weight loss surgery Facebook group and a lot of people are always saying how much nicer people are to them once they've lost their weight. It's shocking!

Hmmm. Are you pretty? If so, you'll find the jealousy and hate directed towards you over the combination of slim and pretty will be pretty unpleasant to live with.

Everyone deserves compassion. Fat or thin. The arses of the world will be nasty to people with whatever factor about them that makes them feel less bad about themselves.

Yep had this exact thing. I've put all the weight back on since.
But where I worked there were some senior "pretty" female members of management who never really spoke to me until they suddenly noticed I'd lost weight! Wow - it was as if I was now more palatable!

Yes. It’s true. As a size 12 I definately found people were nicer to me than they are while I’m an 18

Oh so true of not eating well, it seems to pollute your outlook and creates negativity. I'm slightly overweight but am dieting now so will see if attitudes change when I shed the pounds. I'm sorry to hear of all those who have experienced negativity towards extra pounds.

Absolutely a thing. I'm losing weight, with a lot left to lose but even notice a difference towards me after losing a couple of stone.

I think people see someone big & think 'lazy fucker with no self control=stupid' & dismiss me as not having a valid opinion on anything. At a more normal size, they think 'relevant person might have something useful to have & worthy of my time'

Definitely a thing. I’ve been size 8 and size 20, and definitely experienced this. Currently a 12 and life is easier than when I was heavier.

On the other hand, losing weight down to an 8 got me a lot of attitude from secretaries at my office for some reason. Previously couldn’t do enough for me, then suddenly became mean girls once I dropped a few sizes. But everyone else was much nicer, including total strangers. Humans are odd.

Yep, I went from a size 20 to a 12, and found the difference quite astonishing.

Absolutely! When I was in my early 20s I went from a size 20 to a size 8/10 and the change in people's attitudes towards me was immense.

I know what you mean

I found it such a headfuck losing a lot of weight. People commented on it a lot and how fantastic I looked, but all I heard in my head was how awful they must have thought I looked when I was bigger. And then regaining the weight was soul destroying.

I actually just don’t like it when people comment on weight at all, and I try not to do it myself.

But sorry I know that’s not exactly what you meant!

Having lost 5 stone i noticed strangers are much nicer but acquaintances (like school mums) became quite bitchy.

I have the same when I straighten my hair. People are much nicer to me when I've straightened it. I really don't think it's about self esteem as I anyway think I look better than I actually do

It’s sad really. I always treat people the same no matter what, I went from a size 20 to a size 8 a few years ago (eating disorder, wasn’t eating and working out every day and was actually really unwell) and everyone treat me differently, I was invited out more, was included in photos more, I just think it’s sad and it made my ED worse, I’m now back to a size 18 and tbh I realise how unhappy I was back then, how people treat me much better really clouded me as a person.

@NautaOcts

I know what you mean

I found it such a headfuck losing a lot of weight. People commented on it a lot and how fantastic I looked, but all I heard in my head was how awful they must have thought I looked when I was bigger. And then regaining the weight was soul destroying.

I actually just don’t like it when people comment on weight at all, and I try not to do it myself.

But sorry I know that’s not exactly what you meant!

Yes, I found exactly this, and it depressed me so much that I deliberately regained some of the weight.

I didn’t want to deal with the false pleasantries while being thin, and decided I would rather know people’s true colours in dealing with me.

I had counselling after going from 23 stone to 11 - my brain just hadn’t adjusted and I found people looking at me different very challenging

I think it is down to your attitude and insecurity.

I heard the same thing about the way you dress. Not once have I seen any difference if I am wearing a suit, my grubby oversized exercise tshirts or a tight dress with my hair done properly.

@tattleandbagels

I think it is down to your attitude and insecurity.

I heard the same thing about the way you dress. Not once have I seen any difference if I am wearing a suit, my grubby oversized exercise tshirts or a tight dress with my hair done properly.

That's very dismissive and based on assumptions. I was very 'bubbly' when overweight- smiley, dressed for my shape and made an effort with my hair and make up; I felt I had to have a facade on at all times. Now I go about just as I am, often with a face like a slapped arse and still find people, mainly strangers out and about, treat me better.

You aren't imaging it OP, it's very very real.

I went from over 10 stone to slightly over 7 stone over lockdown (I'm 5"2), and they way people treat me now has honestly astounded me.

It is really strange having people notice and look at you constantly! Makes me feel terrible how people must have thought I looked before?

That's very dismissive and based on assumptions

no, it's based on personal experience.
We don't all have the same one.

“I'm now a size 12. So not slim, but normal looking”

A size 12 is definitely slim!

Gone from a size 26/28 to a size 16, people are far kinder now than they ever were.

People hold doors open for me now, People don't ignore me. People do chat to me more, people are genuinely more helpful.

I said to DH just last night, people are much nicer to me now than I've ever had people be to me.

And no, I don't think I've ever given fuck off vibes to people as I was big, I was always painfully polite, and smiley.

People say this all the time.
I've been size 22 and size 10.
I don't have to do anything - I notice that I'm frequently ignored when bigger. Then when I'm slim those people start seeing me. I could be just standing waiting for a bus, so it's not my attitude.
The sad thing is I realise that I can be excluded from social activities simply because of my size - that some people don't consider me as their 'type' of person. Then I'm slimmer and suddenly I get asked to join in. These people know me already, but I guess they don't find me acceptable when bigger.
I did have an ex boyfriend who I remained friends with for years. I had put on quite a bit of weight, we and we were walking along the street. While explaining a story, I put my arm around him to demonstrate what happened - he froze and said 'get off me'. It took me a while to realise that he was embarrassed that someone might think we were a couple!

I'm not sure being judged by appearance is specific to the UK. I felt more judged by appearance in France when I lived there than here and remember others commenting on this too.
I'm the other way round in that I was very slim until my 30s and only became obese in my 40s. I wasn't an attractive child or teenager. In my late 20s I had a period of being skinny and dressing up and being found attractive. I think men were nicer to me but I've not really noticed a difference with women. It might be area dependent as an area I shop in has lots of overweight people and all sorts of people. I don't notice being judged there.
If I go for a walk on my own to a local.park I find if I'm in a good mood and smile at people they are friendly and the reverse too.
As I've not had an attractive face most of my life I probably haven't noticed the difference with weight as much as I quite like the invisibility of middle age. I felt judged on my face more as a young person than I do on weight as a middle aged one.